The thing that helped me the most with the understanding of why it is that we act out is less to do with control of the situation and more to do with attempting to apply a veneer of consent to the time that we were violated in an attempt to lessen its pain.
When I was a child I was incapable of providing consent - I didn't understand what was being done to me. The pain and trauma of this continues to have long lasting ill effects.
My mind can try and play tricks and say that what was done to me as a child wasn't that bad because I have tried to replicate the events as a willing adult.
It's all part of our survival strategy that tries to numb the pain. Some turn to drugs, others to alcohol, some to violence, others to crime.
Many end the pain with the ultimate analgesia - suicide.
Acting out is a useful tool that helps to keep us alive until we are in a position to get the additional help that we need so that we can process what was done to us as kids and learn new and better ways to leave behind those long term effects.
Least that is how I see it.
I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.