Newest Members
OxfordArms, Anony_mous, Drew6991x, Miro, jj843
12365 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
gryffindor (67), KevinSweeney (57), latinflavor815 (52), latin_flavor_815 (52), RTMark (33), sabooka (35), southpaw10 (46)
Who's Online
5 registered (bluesky, SJC, YYZGIRL, takingitslow, 1 invisible), 17 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12365 Members
74 Forums
63552 Topics
444012 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#361268 - 05/02/11 01:12 PM New Question...What doe this Mean?
aloved1 Offline


Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 65
Loc: Texas
Ok, feedback from both partners and survivors is greatly appreciated here. During EVERY trigger, my boyfriend always says that he cannot give me what I want and that we are DONE. That this time, that's it, we are DONE! This irritates me to no end. As I've gotten somewhat used to it, I cannot help but wonder, ok, is this time time he really means it? He never says this when he's non-triggered. But still, does this happen to anyone? And survivors, do you think he really wants out?

Thank you for any feedback on this one...


Top
#361272 - 05/02/11 01:24 PM Re: New Question...What doe this Mean? [Re: aloved1]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Ive been through that, had an ex who went through hell for me, n with me. I know personally, it was my feelings of inadequacy, marred with the insecurity, of a trigger. Its hard to face, but now that i have, im doing much better. So it can get better. Its a fear , that makes us run. Intimacy used to make me feel like I was being made fun of, because the memories scream at us when we're in that moment, sometimes. Sometimes, they were non existent, other times they were crippling. When i would tell her i couldnt give her what she wanted, it meant i couldnt be open with her, and be honest with her, about how scared i was, an feeling like i had to run, i felt like i could never get over it. But that is a lie, our fear tells us. We can get over it, n be happy again. We have to work very closely with ourselves, spot our fears n thoughts closely, as we're havin em, n confront them. Re think them, n point out their obvious inconsistency. Only he can make the call to whether he wants to be out, but if he's only expressing it when triggered, u can bet its not truly how he feels. Think thats the fear talking. Hope all works out. Youre helpin more than u know, im sure.

_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#361276 - 05/02/11 02:52 PM Re: New Question...What doe this Mean? [Re: Tyler845]
aloved1 Offline


Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 65
Loc: Texas
Ok first of all, my topic should have said *does, lol. My apologies.

Tyler, thank you so much for your feedback. After being with him for 4 years, what you say does make a lot of sense. And you are right, if he wants out, it truly is his call, but something deep down tells me that this is not what he really wants.

What a journey! I do love him and my greatest hope is that he never gives up.

God Bless!


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.