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#360632 - 04/24/11 11:07 AM Solitaire
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Solitaire

Have you ever had those days
When lines written differently
Left you feeling abandoned, alone
Perched on strands of speculations
Envisioning skies in peculiar ways?

Its not that I want these thoughts
Which apparently I share only with me.
I long to think differently - the same -
With views that match the ordinary,
Finding my place in line with the flock.

Separated from the group has been for me a life-long way of living. I just see things differently. Not like Id wish like a brilliant thinker such as Columbus who, after watching the sails sink in the horizon thought, Hmm, I think everyone else on the planet is wrong. The world isnt flat! And if I were to sail.. Now that was brave and out of the box thinking.

I could only wish to have a mind like that. No, Im talking about skewed thinking where, when I look at something, I know I see it through the eyes of a man who was raped. Everything filters within a kaleidoscope chamber which continually changes the symmetrical form of what Im viewing. I have to stop myself from reacting to the visions formed through broken bits of memories. Try to refocus, rethink and accept the ordinary, for the ordinary is often what we refer to as normal. (Sigh)




Edited by earlybird (04/24/11 03:52 PM)
_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#360859 - 04/27/11 10:00 AM Re: Solitaire [Re: earlybird]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 725
Loc: United States
Seeing the world differently
For whatever reason
Is something I value
about me

I yearn to no longer
be in pain - to be content,
But I wont surrender
the hard won perspective
Or reject my difference

Doing so would cut me off
from all that the journey back
Has taught me
And from the recovering me

Turning the Rubik's cube
of my heart and spirit
Into patterns of my own
Is my right
And shows me
present beauty
alongside past pain

Is it so much to ask
that others learn to see
with better eyes
that we value
our different visions
than join in communion
with an unknowing
sleepy flock

I've never felt so alone
than when pretending
a drowsy sameness
I don't own
To stand unnoticed
in a crowd
Abandoning hope of
my new worlds
for a familiar flatness

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#360983 - 04/28/11 08:42 PM Re: Solitaire [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Earl,

Stopping yourself from accepting the sight that the assault gives is a very healthy and vital part of recovery. It is also a difficult and constant struggle.

It helps to read someone else say this. I know what I see is not always what reality truly is though I readily accept it as the truth.

Nice thought here.

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#361663 - 05/08/11 12:56 AM Re: Solitaire [Re: prisonerID]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Yup- I named the condition MVC, mental visual comunication, because I realized how I always changed up reality with false scenarios and half truthful versions.

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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