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#361032 - 04/29/11 04:14 PM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Rusty563]
Drop Offline


Registered: 04/16/11
Posts: 121
i used to.. but not anymore after we went into fostercare when i was 14

_________________________
Broken eyed and shutdown
Running down the road
Send me straight to hell
Watch me burn, watch me burn

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#361065 - 04/29/11 08:28 PM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Drop]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brothers.

Well, being in a male dominated world, orphanage/Home, military & military civilian. I had tons of male friends.

But, in the military in my duty section we were very close. We knew things about each other that even our wives didn't know about. However I never discussed my real sexual orientation with them, as I was married like most of them. But that only lasts as long as you are stationed with them. We try and not get attached to each other emotionally as one day we will have to say goodbye to each other. And that can be an emotional disaster.

As of now, I have four real close male friends (in person). Two of them are military retiree buddies of mine. They were the first two human beings that I disclosed my sexual abuse to when it all came to my conscious mind. They instantly gave me their compassion, understanding & love. They will standby me. I didn't tell my wife until a few months later, as she knew something was terribly wrong with me. But, she was the last person on this earth that i would have told. as i had seen how she viewed my lesbian niece. What would she think about that (gay) man that she married??

Those four persons whom i see either every day or monthly or every six months or so. Are just like me. A sexually abused boy/adolescent/adult. They all know about my SECRET as I know about theirs. They have my trust, as I have theirs. I have a piece of their heart & soul in me, as I'm sure that they have a piece of mine.

I have about 100 or so other REAL close friends..more like brothers whom I have met at those WoR's. Most of us know each others SECRET not in shame nor guilt nor judgement. But in each others heart & soul forever.

Yes I sure do, right here and you are one of them..

Not bad considering that i am extremely shy & still pretty much a loner. But, my close male friends here are changing this boy/man ever so slowly.

Heal well, my brothers, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#365463 - 07/04/11 11:58 PM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Gnuff]
Sailboat92 Offline


Registered: 02/21/11
Posts: 79
Loc: Ct
I have no close male friends, and feel like I've missed out on this incredible bond, I either suspect they will call me a faggot, somehow no I'm not a "man" or just not be interested because I'm not interesting?
I marvel at my nephews buddies, and my brothers friends when I was younger, the ease at which they spent time and interacted with each other- I immediately sexualize any guy who appears at all to be interested in being my friend, or I become just distant enough so that we can never be friends. I'm 45, my two male friends since high school, one was gay, the other had friends who thought I was gay...lots of fun

_________________________
I don't have one

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#365483 - 07/05/11 09:43 AM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Sailboat92]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
When I was little, before the abuse starting at age 11, I had several close male friends. I was always a sensitive kid, lousy at sports, but artistic and creative. After the abuse, I started feeling very threatened by other males. Throughout my teen years and into adulthood, all my friends have been female. Interestingly, my three closest male friends from childhood are all now openly gay. I had a brief sexual relationship with one of the three when I was 19.

My wife tries to encourage me to attempt to form male friendships, but I continue to feel threatened by males, or sexualize them the second I lay eyes on them. She's wanted me to attend men's prayer groups at church. Tried it and felt very awkward and scared. I can't sustain any kind of conversation with guys; they either want to talk about investment portfolios or sports, neither of which I care a bit about.

So, no, no close male friends for me, despite the last three years of therapy. The only males I feel comfortable with are my virtual friends here. This is where I feel safe.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#365484 - 07/05/11 11:06 AM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
I have struggled with maintaining male friendships since my assault in my late twenties. Before then I had several close male in my life and one very close best friend. Afterwards I lost my connection with each one without an official ending to the relationships.

In the years since then I have had some male friends but after a time we seemed to drift. I always had the sense I was not able to keep up with them in the man category. I have some now but we do not see much of each other and I think that is mostly my fault. I do not feel real close to these guys but like them a lot.

I do miss having a solid connection to another man.

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#365517 - 07/05/11 11:10 PM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Sailboat92 Offline


Registered: 02/21/11
Posts: 79
Loc: Ct
John here too, perhaps we can be virtual friends, as you just described everything I feel!

_________________________
I don't have one

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#365569 - 07/06/11 09:53 PM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Sailboat92]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Sounds good, Sailboat. Feel free to PM me anytime!

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top
#366622 - 07/26/11 01:48 PM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: risingagain]
Chris5525 Offline


Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 17
I do not have but 1 real friend and they are a female. I have not had a close male friend in many years and dont know if I ever will.


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#366662 - 07/26/11 05:42 PM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Chris5525]
Joec1964 Offline


Registered: 10/29/10
Posts: 5
Not really no. Always kept them in their compartments. Work, family friend ie someone's husband. Small talk. I do not know how.


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#366738 - 07/27/11 12:56 PM Re: Do you have close male friends? [Re: Joec1964]
Incognito Offline


Registered: 04/17/11
Posts: 105
The opposite is true for me. I am very fortunate to have a handful of male friends that I can hang out with when shit hits the fan. Very rarely do we discuss our feelings, unless it is in anger, about what is going on with our life. This aspect of our friendship has been crucial for me for the past few weeks. Hanging out, talking, telling jokes, laughing, watching movies, eating, drinking and having a good time. None of them know my story or have any idea about when I was younger.

On the flip side, I have female friends but not many that are 'close'. Right now I may be able to say two but the one thing I have learned about the male-female relationship is that it's very fragile. One week you two can be great friends and the next she meets a guy and you never hear from her again. I couldn't count the times this has happened. You do not get that with males. If they find a girlfriend, we may not hang out as much but we always remain in contact and still go out and do things. I think this is why I am less likely to get attached to a female. It sucks to be close to someone and have them leave behind the friendship like it wasn't important to them.

_________________________
"If you're willing to carry the weight, feel the strain, push past the pain, and give more of yourself than others expect of you, the world is yours." - Dave Tate

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