Well done guys. Thank you for another connection outside these walls.

What about trust for those of us whom have been burned time and time again when trusting people. As a kid I learned what Dr House repeats on every show, "people lie." I learned at a very early age that people are also evil, that they regularly fail their supposed human-side of doing no harm...that trusting people is pointless and dangerous. Yup..burned time and time again.

I have seen little-to-no evidence that anything but a tiny minority can be trusted. I think at this point in my life, I'll only be able to truly trust are professionals with HIPPA restrictions. But hey, even my divorce court over-rid HIPPA. So there are things I cannot even tell him now.

robbie,

i do plan on visiting the topic of "trust" again... the last one was just a quick little dabble in it...

i do feel for you and what you are going through. i can certainly understand why you have little to no trust at all...

i liken, what you are going through, to the story of job.... i'm sure you know that story. you also know how it ends that job ended up getting everything back and then some... i have a strong feeling that the same will hold true for you robbie... keep holding on... keep fighting the good fight.. you're going to make it...

Nice to meet you, Obi.

part 6 - my story....

guys... this was the hardest one to make.... i know i've already posted my story in the survivors section, but it's so much more that i told it on vid....

EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

I've started and restarted not knowing what to say to you. I'm so deeply hurt for you Todd but you're a brave, brave man to share your story in such an open way.

I wept. I was disgusted because he called it "A GAME!" That son of a bitch called it A GAME! I'm so angry.

Yes, I got triggered because of what my last perp did to me. I feel a mixture of grief and anger right now. My thoughts are everywhere. I can't think straight.

((((Todd))))

Rusty

thanks for the support rusty...

thanks for the support from everyone else too....

it means a lot to me...

i can only hope that these vids i have done is helping....

i want to do more.... but, i'm not sure... been feeling a little conflicted about it...

been wondering if it's too raw... too emotional and is causing more damage than helping.?.?.?

part 7 - feeling worthy


trigger warning...

Ey Obi, that was good. You are a great guy. Take care.

hugs Obi... Todd... we love you lots....u r AWESOME!!! BRAVE!! AND A GREAT MAN

G

Obi,

By virtue of the fact that you're posting these videos for our benefit, exposing yourself to us, gives you value and worth. You're helping us ask the same questions of ourselves that you have asked of yourself.

After I watched this installment, I went to my wife and asked her if she could see me as a man with low self-esteem and worth and she said, "Yes." She's noticed a steady decline over the last couple of years and since I've begun recovery it's the worst it's ever been.

I'm trying to put the pieces of my life back together just like you, just like everyone here at MS. This installment has made me realize that I truely have a long road ahead of me.

Rusty