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#358333 - 04/01/11 07:38 PM Re: Not All Nonsurvivors Want to Avoid Understanding. [Re: Disappointed]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Disappointed
So, you know, we're on egg shells here, cause like anyone that's been hurt, you're sensitive.


I use to be HYPER-sensative to F&F input or comments that rubbed me the wrong way. Now, this current crew of women have articulated what I needed to hear in such understandable terms that I "get it now." I "get" the eggshells and I feel awefull about prior judgements I've made or my rattlesnake snaps.

For me...for maintaining some sence of protection of little Robbie, I've had to be hyper-sensative. I've also had to be a lot of other things. But thank you for recognising the situation so clearly. And, believe it or not, I'm really taking another hard look at how this hurt my ex-wife.

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#358334 - 04/01/11 08:00 PM Re: Not All Nonsurvivors Want to Avoid Understanding. [Re: Still]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
My dear Robbie,

Don't feel awful about what you've thought or been or whatever. I repeat myself, I fear. You were tortured as a child. Accept yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

Be as hyper-sensitive as you want. You've earned the right. And you deserve to be told, and I will tell you, you are a good man, who did right by his children and his wife, and adjusted so well to everything. Now, you deserve your rest. Take it.

All of you boys deserved a Mother who would notice you weren't acting right, and who would have demanded answers until she found out why. I'm so sorry y'all did not have that.

Hugs,
D.



Edited by Disappointed (04/01/11 08:02 PM)
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#358753 - 04/06/11 04:56 AM Re: Not All Nonsurvivors Want to Avoid Understanding. [Re: Disappointed]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1927
Loc: durham, north england
One thing I've personally noticed is that my sensativity to certain things, whether it's the s word, crowds, smoke, other people's opinions or anything else is a highly variable thing.

One of the initial topics I posted in the survivers forum at the time I was extremely sensative about and felt rather guilty for raising such issues. I even felt some of the replies I received were hyper crytical of me.

Rereading this topic later, I found I was absolutely wrong.

one thing I originally wrote in my undergraduate disertation was that perception of reality was both something we could be slaves to, and something we could personally master with enough emotional investment and work.

This is an idea I stil think is right and has a lot of baring on everything to do with disclosure, people's atitudes and how we react to them.

Just my thoughts.


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#359103 - 04/09/11 09:47 AM Re: Not All Nonsurvivors Want to Avoid Understanding. [Re: dark empathy]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi D.E.,

Along that same line, one time I tape recorded a phone call I had with a colleague about a contentious issue. At the end of the call, I was smugly sure he had been unreasonable. But then I played the tape back. Not!

To hear it without being in the fray of battle, was eye-opening.

D.

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#360347 - 04/21/11 12:19 AM Re: Not All Nonsurvivors Want to Avoid Understanding. [Re: Disappointed]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1927
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Disappointed.

That is something I don't find surprising, though it is I think something which shows a lot of good in you sinse most people aren't prepared to change their opinion of someone, reevaluate or admit they were originally wrong.

Funnily enough i thought of this question of appearence vs reality rather a lot over the weekend.

Last summer for the first time I went to the Aimes music school, a high level music school held over summer with a mini version in april for professional and semi professional singers.

the mini version (complete with auditions), was last thursday-sunday.

One of the people who run it is a lady I now know quite well.

She told me (something I'm sure she wouldn't have earlier), that in previous years they'd had two other blind people attend the course, both of whome had been terrible. rude, expecting assistance then complaining if anyone tried to help them, eg, when said lady had specifically got them a room next to the bathroom they complained there was no sink in their room.

She then finished by saying I was totally different and making a long list of my good points and how compitant I was.

the thing she didn't know however, is that during the summer ames, when not in singing classes I was either literally asleep or damn near to it, simply because the combination of learning a new place, having to deal with a lot of people and! do high level singing tuition was just too much to do without that time on my own.

Sinse sunday, I've been so shattered I haven't been able to get much done at all, though i know this will wear off with time.

Part is my own natural intraversion and the necessity to use my people skills instead, part is simply the singing and performance which is hard work (especially in summer when I had a confidence crysis and started believing all my vocal techniques were wrong), and part of it is just the simple extra effort of doing things with a visual imparement, and that before you start on anything sa related.

I do find myself wondering where people get this idea of me from and how different my private self is to what everyone apparently sees.

Heck, I even got into a discussion of sexism with a lady doing social science and used the "I've been doing research" line to talk about several male sa facts, including my own experience, though in the third person, ---- eg, I encountered the story of a boy who ----.

is it just that I stil intend to do things irrispective of anything else?

Is it my people skills?

is this even a blessing or a curse.

my mum has speculated that one of the reasons nobody has ever! shown interest in getting close to me is my profound sense of emotional compitants, indeed most of my close friends are very much their own people and while great company don't particularly "need" anything from me nor I from them, ---- though on the occasions when i've been desperate enough to ask for support (not many), they have been there for me.

Yet, i can't deny that changing this lady's mind about the capabilities of visually impared people certainly can't be a bad thing for me, being as I'll probably be going to this music school again.

I just find it amazing that people cannot tell how I'm feeling, ---- heck, i'm usually reasonably accurate at telling other people's emotions myself, so why can't people do it with me.


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