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#358393 - 04/02/11 04:36 AM Re: Why do I cry? [Re: SamV]
markchristopher Offline


Registered: 08/23/10
Posts: 36
Loc: Washington USA
Like some who have posted before my tears were locked up in a vault hidden within me. I would often try and try to bring my pain out to the surface and FEEL the terror on the outside instead of on the inside where it hurt more. I couldn't bring tears to my eyes. They would be stopped somewhere behind them in my skull but not let out. I would almost go mad trying to get them out, but eventually I gave up thinking I didn't really have emotions and I wasn't really human.

One day after months of talking with my counselor I exploded on her crying and crying curled up in a ball barely able to breath. It was as if I had popped the cyst where all the tears had been caught. This was on the phone one night after a meeting where she noticed something and had a question about it. Not long after during one of our conversations she asked another close hitting question and this time instead of an explosion a wonderful thing happened.

Emotion slow but powerful traveled to my eyes, welled, and dropped from them to my cheeks. At the time I was to wrought with emotion, but now I can almost smile or feel joy at least that I can experience the true beauty of emotion without ripping my insides out. I have felt my shell hardening up again recently, but I doubt it will ever be as hard as it once was before that day. I will work to keep it balanced to let out what needs to be let out, but still be able to hold myself together.

p.s. I remember her telling me that she had never seen me cry before and that I loved her so much for bringing me to the point to allow me to do such a thing, and to share it with another human. Because yes I was human . . . finally.



Edited by markchristopher (04/02/11 04:41 AM)

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#358394 - 04/02/11 05:18 AM Re: Why do I cry? [Re: markchristopher]
CheerfulJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/10
Posts: 139
Loc: England (at the moment)
I love tears.......but I can't just cry when I want to. It's out of my control. It is such a release once they're out. The more tears we cry the less tears still stored up inside us? I think some people do it differently. I rarely know why I'm crying.....sometimes afterwards I get the theme of what it was about.

Sometimes I scream when I reconnect with myself in a memory, very dramatic. I think that was why I kept going to new people for help, I was embarrassed. Less now.

I know men who just don't seem to need to cry or show emotion anywhere as near as much as I need to.

Be Well, may the tears flow

CJ

_________________________
Wolves will live with lambs. Leopards will lie down with goats. Calves, young lions, and year-old lambs will be together, and little children will lead them.

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#358451 - 04/02/11 09:11 PM Re: Why do I cry? [Re: CheerfulJohn]
jurek Offline


Registered: 08/23/10
Posts: 130
Loc: Skagit County, WA
Hi brothers,
Crying is a wonderful thing to have finally re-learned after far too many years of stunted and repressed emotions. Until I finally broke down the barriers of denial about my abuse I couldn't cry one hundred percent. Even in the midst of a breakdown, the breakup of my marriage, some other crisis, when I cried I always felt like I was in part faking it, like it wasn't me feeling those feelings. I did cry genuine tears when my dad died suddenly when I was 30. But everything else, nah.

Working through the emotional minefields of recovery has taught me how to cry without holding anything back. But it has also taught me to be ok with my tears, and patient with the feelings I feel when the tears flow. I've even experienced tears of joy once or twice!

@markchristopher: wow, beautifully put.

George

_________________________
-jurek

Jurek ogorek, kielbasa i sznurek, kielbasa uciekla, Jurek do piekla!


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#358455 - 04/02/11 10:04 PM Re: Why do I cry? [Re: SamV]
Czaesar72 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/10
Posts: 210
Loc: California, USA
Sasuva,

I wish I could cry more often than I do, but I can't... I think is because anti-depressant have made me become numb to certain emotions, so, I do cry but not as often as I'd like. I believe that crying cleanses the soul and helps you connect with your inner self. Whatever the reason, if you feel like crying do it, cause I'm sure you feel much afterward.

I kept lots of feelings and emotion in a vault for over twenty years and during that time, I forced myself to keep me from crying, now I wish I could let those tears flow freely, but they just won't.

So, my brother don't ask yourself "Why do I cry?" just do it. I'm able to cry more because of the pain of others than that of my own...

I hope my input helps.

Sincerely,

_________________________
Alejandro
A very grateful Alumni of the Level I WoR Sequoia 2011, Ben Lohmond, CA, USA
and Advanced WoR Alta 2011, Alta, UT, USA.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift; it is the burdens he can understand and overcome.

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#358558 - 04/04/11 04:43 AM Re: Why do I cry? [Re: Czaesar72]
markchristopher Offline


Registered: 08/23/10
Posts: 36
Loc: Washington USA
Thanks Jurek,

It is amazing that so many of us seem to have the same feelings and wants with the issue. your piece was also enlightening for me.

Thanks again,

Markus


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#359739 - 04/15/11 05:51 AM Re: Why do I cry? [Re: markchristopher]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5935
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I just cried for my son, who is leaving in June to start his own life.

Large tears, sobbing, shaking and incredible loss, my son at his age of 18, is like losing my brother again, he and I are friends.

I have not cried harder in a long time, and it was very beneficial.

Sam

_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge. (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#359818 - 04/15/11 06:39 PM Re: Why do I cry? [Re: SamV]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
He going to come back to you and keep coming back to thoughout you life. Your relationship will only get richer. The first leavetaking must be painfull, but he has to find his own way now>


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#360344 - 04/20/11 11:51 PM Re: Why do I cry? [Re: little big man]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5935
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Thank you lbm,

Your words are a comfort to me.

My sincerest appreciation,

Sam

_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge. (Proverbs 17:27)"

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