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#360251 - 04/19/11 10:21 PM Telling
illbedat Offline


Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 75
Loc: David Wright is AWESOME
So I did something today I thought I'd never do.. I wrote a letter to my dad... I finally told someone about the abuse. I feel a bit better, although I was locked in my room all day. I cant face him now. he actually came in and asked me how it happened... he told me i should talk about it.. I hid under my pillow and said I couldnt. dont really know where it goes from here, not sure i'll ever be able to look at him again. still cant believe i did it, doesnt feel real... not sure it was the best idea.

_________________________
Take me back to the place, where I've seen it before. Before the time I lost it, where you will see, the shadow that still haunts me.

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#360255 - 04/19/11 10:56 PM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
I think we all second-guess ourselves after we disclose (at least I did). We condition ourselves to hide the truth, then we freak out when we muster the courage to STOP hiding the truth. It's like we can't put the toothpaste back in the tube after the toothpaste is out. I think it's great that your dad seems genuinely concerned for your well being, and is okay with you talking about it. Other dads might insist it didn't happen, or say stuff like, "It's over now; get over it." Hang in there! You are a strong, courageous SURVIVOR!

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

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#360256 - 04/19/11 11:03 PM Re: Telling [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Huge positive step...we are all proud of ya B.....

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#360259 - 04/19/11 11:22 PM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
franky Offline


Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 19
Loc: Texas
hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa WOW!!! you thought you could get away from me huh wink I am sooo happy for you dude!!!!!!!!!! This is a turning point. Congrats!!!!!


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#360260 - 04/19/11 11:24 PM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
jevin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/30/10
Posts: 44
Loc: somewhere on the Red Road
Brandon ...

This is a huge deal -- breaking the silence. I know it took a lot of strength and courage to punch through the fear. And each step fuels the next. It does get better.

Keep believing in yourself as we all do.

- Jev

_________________________
"Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event."
- Carl Jung

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#360270 - 04/20/11 01:36 AM Re: Telling [Re: jevin]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio

Hi Brandon,

That was very brave of you and I'm glad your dad was concerned about you. I hope he'll become an ally in your healing and that he'll by example show others how to be supportive of you. I know how difficult it was to reach out like you did and it's such a good example of the bravery and goodness that is within you.

Congratulations on this success and best wishes for many more!

Gary

_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#360333 - 04/20/11 09:22 PM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
Originally Posted By: illbedat
not sure it was the best idea.


I went through the same thing just over a year ago. It means you have began to push though the shame, this is a very good thing.

Your Dad seems really supportive. My dad didn’t want to hear it, said “why are you doing this” blaimed me. My mom got mad blamed me “Why didn’t you tell (us back then)” I did tell, she decided I was lying. They eventually came around.

You are lucky to have such a supportive dad.

_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

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#360364 - 04/21/11 06:18 AM Re: Telling [Re: Napoleon]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
super proud of you

Hugs glad to be your friend

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#360365 - 04/21/11 06:20 AM Re: Telling [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
the mustang is waiting for you if you promise not to go over 120

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#360366 - 04/21/11 06:28 AM Re: Telling [Re: michael Joseph]
Aberrant30 Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 139
Loc: I live on the Emerald Coast, F...
OMG! BRANDON! I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU DUED! what a big step ((((((Brandon))))))) things will look up.

_________________________
"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30

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#360375 - 04/21/11 09:04 AM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
freddie Offline


Registered: 03/28/11
Posts: 42
Loc: California
Congrats. You slam dunked that one Mr. Basketball Man. I would definitely recommend that when you're ready have conversation with DAD. He sounds like he wants to be there for you, perhaps trust that he will be a great sound board for you.............

_________________________
Freddie
__________________________________________________________

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#360550 - 04/23/11 12:08 PM Re: Telling [Re: freddie]
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
That's great news Redman smile You're sure sounds like he wants to help and be there for you. This is a big step you've taken now. Don't be afraid to ask for advice brother.

_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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#360617 - 04/24/11 05:15 AM Re: Telling [Re: h.beat,h.break]
illbedat Offline


Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 75
Loc: David Wright is AWESOME
well this accomplished nothing. i dont know why i thought this would help anyway. maybe i was sick of them askin me wats the matter.. wats wrong. if only they had an idea they wouldnt ask me. i hate that person in the mirror and i have to be him. stupid freak and everyone knows it. aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate being me ill never accept who i am...who am i ahhhhh wtf. nothings ever gunna change anything.t he way ifeel is the way i feel stays the same and i cant control it. i tryy to change everything else but it dont work. why cant someone walk into a hospital and jusy say i want to die... and they give you options. why do they wanna make us try. pretty sure i sacred of most things i know and everything I dont. how am i supposed to deal with me thinking somethings wrong when it not. being scared of people thoughts when i dont even know what theyre thinking. can they feel any of the tension that i feel? cuz the air always feel thick cant even explain it but everything feels heavy and hopeless. why do i feel like they can feel it... and through silence theyre telling me its my fault. cant stop thinking my mind always talks, is it me or something else. i could sit their for hours thinking not even knowing what im thinking about. its usually no important i dont plan it just happens. the outside doesnt feel real but i have to live there. im caught between two worlds blah blah this doesnt make sense i want to die

_________________________
Take me back to the place, where I've seen it before. Before the time I lost it, where you will see, the shadow that still haunts me.

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#360626 - 04/24/11 10:18 AM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 725
Loc: United States
Hey illbedat,

Many of us have felt the feelings and thoughts you're sharing with us. The thing you need to know is that there is hope and help in recovery. Every single one of us who has felt like you are feeling now is proof of that.

Do you have a therapist you are working with? If not, now would be an excellent time to find one. It sounds like you had some specific expectations about what disclosure would mean for you and how people might react.

Take a deep breath and recognize that when we do something as significant as disclosing what happened to us, it's one of the single most important things that a survivor can do for themselves. Research shows that disclosing and talking about what happened to us and how we feel leads to better health outcomes for us. What you've done in sharing your experience is the ultimate act of taking control of your recovery.

The support and understanding of our families and friends is important, but in the end disclosure is about the simple act. The courage you've already shown in telling your father is amazing.

You are so worth the effort you are making to recover, and that truth is the reason why people make you try.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#360687 - 04/24/11 11:10 PM Re: Telling [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
jevin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/30/10
Posts: 44
Loc: somewhere on the Red Road
Brandon ...

You didn't fail, and this wasn't a useless effort. Just because your dad doesn't hear you doesn't mean that no one will. In the world I know there are more people who will care about you than won't. You just have to give them a chance by opening up.

You took a huge step in summoning up the courage to break the silence. You know now that you can do it. Keep reaching out. Each step fuels the next. We're all behind you.

- Jev

_________________________
"Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event."
- Carl Jung

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#360695 - 04/25/11 12:55 AM Re: Telling [Re: jevin]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 588
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
keep going man
you may be deep gray blue
but light streams in
in the distance

keep on
keep on
you're worth it
man


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#360700 - 04/25/11 01:16 AM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Disclosure to your family works only if it is unconditional. Otherwise when you do it with expectation you are bound to be disappointed, as these are same people you lived with all those years, just because they are older, don't imagine they would have changed a bit. Let go and start working on your healing, namely forgive and start building your life anew, no point going back. The past is over!

All the best!

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#360759 - 04/26/11 03:38 AM Re: Telling [Re: Morning Star]
illbedat Offline


Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 75
Loc: David Wright is AWESOME
.



Edited by illbedat (09/12/11 03:13 AM)
_________________________
Take me back to the place, where I've seen it before. Before the time I lost it, where you will see, the shadow that still haunts me.

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#360898 - 04/27/11 10:17 PM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
(((((((((Brandon)))))))))

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#360901 - 04/27/11 11:00 PM Re: Telling [Re: mrwhiskers]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
((((brandon))))))

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#361250 - 05/02/11 07:13 AM Re: Telling [Re: Mountainous Buck]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Brandon I am here

I will be talking to my adopted sister

I need to see Nick sometime soon.

I will let you know when I go up to see him okay.

Dam gas prices I hope they go down soon.

Hugs Brandon I love you buddy.

And I mean that too.

Michael joseph

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#369956 - 09/12/11 03:26 AM Re: Telling [Re: michael Joseph]
illbedat Offline


Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 75
Loc: David Wright is AWESOME
So two of my friends kinda know now, i got like desperate and high and threatened some things, idk what im doing anymore. im falling apart, i didnt intend on any of that or this, just dont know where to go. anyway it was bad for me atleast, they were supportive like i never thought. idk what to do with any of it, feel pathetic, more because of my actions. cant really help it, idk im glad to have u guys.

_________________________
Take me back to the place, where I've seen it before. Before the time I lost it, where you will see, the shadow that still haunts me.

Top
#369964 - 09/12/11 10:06 AM Re: Telling [Re: illbedat]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
(((Brandon)))) u r stronger than u thik...

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#369972 - 09/12/11 01:37 PM Re: Telling [Re: mrwhiskers]
illbedat Offline


Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 75
Loc: David Wright is AWESOME
Thanks Gabe, everyday it something, im just sick of it.

_________________________
Take me back to the place, where I've seen it before. Before the time I lost it, where you will see, the shadow that still haunts me.

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