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#36033 - 01/21/03 01:03 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
That's the thing about a carousel. It's a ride that goes in an endless circle. But at some point it is going to stop and you will be able to get off. And when you can't you at least get a breather before it starts up again. :rolleyes:

So when my ride is a vicious cycle of some bad feeling, I try to be a "rider on the storm," to as Dave said embrace it as my emotion, my reality,
and hang on for dear life.

And if it's a good feeling, a "vital cycle" I'm riding, then I as Dave also said try to ride that sucker out for everything it's worth & make the most of it, instead of wondering, "what the hell am I feeling good for!?" That's what I did over Christmas holiday in Manhattan on the Central Park Carousel.

Oh yeah, there is a price for riding the emotional
carousel, wherever it takes me.

That's why we survivors are so good at acting out or numbing out in different ways. We numb our feelings & act like it doesn't matter. But it does, so it doesn't work. But we keep trying becuz
we would rather feel the familiar pain, the comfortable numbness, of our dysfunctional thots & behaviors, than we would the unfamiliar pain of actually feeling anything. It can hurt to feel especially when we're not used to doing it, or doing it in a functional way.

But as we pay the price & begin to feel, and to feel in ways positive to our recovery & our lives,
we find that while still painful at times, it's worth it & so much better than being "comfortably numb." At least that's what I'm starting to learn and experience...

BTW, Al my friend, hold your head high, but inside the carousel, as you're riding it carousel. It might save you a few dental bills... ;\) \:D

And I say that as one who's missing "a few" teeth
myself! \:o \:\)

Take care men

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#36034 - 01/21/03 03:21 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
As Dave said

Quote:
I guess I feel grateful that I have begun to feel anything
I am working toward that goal. Feeling things is surprisingly difficult and unusual, and scary.

Quote:
We would rather feel the familiar pain, the comfortable numbness, of our dysfunctional thots & behaviors, than we would the unfamiliar pain of actually feeling anything. It can hurt to feel especially when we're not used to doing it, or doing it in a functional way.
So well said. I wish my emotional self could catch up to my intellectual process.

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#36035 - 01/21/03 03:28 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
The second, excellent quote was from Victor.

thanks
James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#36036 - 01/21/03 03:36 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Cement.

It seems that our emotional self always takes a while to catch up with our intellectual self. I don't know why and it's damn frustrating, but you are on the road to recovery. From reading your post's, you are starting to know and understand your feelings, it just takes time before what you know, becomes what you believe.

As Dave said feelings can be enjoyable even the bad one's. Before I understood my process, when feeling crap I would take myself to bed for days on end, chastiseing myself for being lazy and good for nothing. Now I go with the flow, take some chocolate and ice cream to bed with me and before long I'm bored, up and rareing to go.

Mark ;\)


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#36037 - 01/21/03 04:39 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
RJD Offline
Member

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
I had to learn to celebrate all my feelings, including pain sorrow and anger. They tell me I'm alive and human.

I love this guys work.
This is from, The Prophet
by Kahlil Gibran

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.


This line
________________________________________________________________________
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
__________________________________________________________________________
has been my something to hope for as a survivor. It has so far held true.


he has another one for pain but that's another time.


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#36038 - 01/21/03 07:47 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
When you read a sad and distressing post, do you cry ?

Do you laugh at the jokes we share ?

Do you feel the pain someone writes about ?

If someone feels good about their success, do you feel good for them ?

I bet we all answered YES, so how come it's so hard to feel this emotional about ourselves ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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