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#36023 - 01/20/03 02:16 PM rage...**trigger?**
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I am not sure what I am posting for, except to say I am having a bad day. And there, right back there is a judgment of myself.

I feel anger, maybe even rage. That makes it a bad day? I am not hurting anyone, and I have no intention of hurting anyone. However, my normally patient self has gone away. Short tempered James is here.

Why shouldn't I feeel rage? Why should I just be able to go forward and re create myself? Why CAN"T I just go forward and re create myself? GOD DAMMIT

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#36024 - 01/20/03 02:59 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Cement.

If that's how you feel, good. It's better to realise your feelings and then feel them rather deny them. It's honest. You say your not hurting anyone and that's important too. I feel that we expect that as a success of therapy we shouldn't get angry, be short tempered etc, but it can be really heathy to get angry.

I actually get frustrated at times for not getting angry, letting people take advantage of me etc.

Hope at least some of that made sense. I often find it difficult getting what I mean out of my head and onto paper.

Mark :rolleyes:


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#36025 - 01/20/03 03:42 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I have difficulty getting this stuff out sometimes too.

angry for feeling angry, frustrated that I don't feel ok about being angry, angry because I cannot do what I want, which is just feel better.

all in all, a circular hell.

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#36026 - 01/20/03 04:24 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Being angry for not feeling good--->feeling guilty about that & thus feeling worse--->getting more angry, for feeling too guilty or not guilty enuf--->getting more angry & feeling even worse--->now that's a carousel I don't want to ride anymore!

I've tried just letting my anger go and really venting it in ways violent to others or to myself or mostly to things, verbally or physically. It didn't release it but just kept pouring out more & more, as tho coming from a bottomless pit of hell.

I've more recently tried mostly just holding my anger in. But it almost inevitably gets built up & explodes out per above, rather than dissipating within me. Meanwhile it eats me up from the inside out.

Now I'm starting to work on a better way, openly acknowledging, venting, expressing & releasing my
anger, but in ways that are appropriate to how I treat others & how I treat myself. Therapy has been a huge help here, as have recovery sites, especially MS, as a place to vent & talk things thru. Sometimes, I even kinda get it right!... \:o

Finding new ways of relating & communicating, and finding alternate activities & coping mechanisms,
has been real important. Especially setting proper boundaries between myself and certain people or situations. Relaxation techniques & good reading have been vital as well.

Like I said, I'm still really working on this one...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#36027 - 01/20/03 05:58 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
al Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 143
Loc: canada
[QB] Being angry for not feeling good--->feeling guilty about that & thus feeling worse--->getting more angry, for feeling too guilty or not guilty enuf--->getting more angry & feeling even worse--->now that's a carousel I don't want to ride anymore!

How the hell do you get off of it????????? Every go round I get kicked in the teeth....not many left ;\)

I know, I know! Rome wasn't built in a day :rolleyes:

_________________________
Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music. Mark Kleiman

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. Winston Churchill

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#36028 - 01/20/03 06:18 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
Thats a vicious cycle Dude. At some point after I remembered my abuse I entered the anger phase. I tried to bottle it up but then it just comes out when it wants to. I got pulled over like 7 times in a 6 month period. A lot of the cops just let me go with a warning, some gave me tickets and at least one of the tickets never showed up on my record. One time I said "If you knew what I've been through I guarantee you would not give me that ticket." He looked at me for a few seconds, didn't ask and didn't give me the ticket.

I tried cutting anger out bit by bit. Figuring out why he did what he did and forgiving released me from the misery. I wasn't stuffing it, I was pulling the anger out by the roots so it wouldn't grow back. It took me about 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years though. One method I used was looking at everything I ever did wrong, (not pleasant). I never did anything sick like he did, but I am far from perfect myself. It wasn't easy, but it worked. I also realized that he took the "I'm so tough look at the damage I can cause, so don't mess with me" At least I could attempt to identify with it on some level even remotely.

Mo Healing


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#36029 - 01/20/03 06:39 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
thanks you guys...writing it helps...
I am going to post aanother set of feelings I am having today that I wrote about...

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#36030 - 01/20/03 06:51 PM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Sometimes I just feel angry, frustrated, pissed off, depressed and downright miserable for being ME !!

I've also felt confused, frightened, unsure of what to do when I've felt GOOD !!

I think sometimes we get overloaded by all these emotions we spent years hiding, and when they come up we just dont know how to deal with them.

But we figure it out eventually, I enjoy them now.
Even the bad one's ?
Well, I have to say that it's a two sided thing - I don't enjoy feeling bad, but as long as I know why I feel bad ( my abuse ) and that I will get over it, then I enjoy 'feeling' emotions as best I can.
I guess I feel grateful that I have begun to feel anything once again after so many years of nothing.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#36031 - 01/21/03 08:37 AM Re: rage...**trigger?**
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
The circular carousel from hell in my inner world of painful feelings, exaggerated emotions, distorted thoughts, and self defeating behaviors.

I didn't want to go on this ride, how come I have to pay the price of admission?

My T keeps telling me it's a ride with an end in sight, it'll stop eventually. yeah yeah yeah

jer


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#36032 - 01/21/03 10:57 AM Re: rage...**trigger?**
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
Your T is right. I find myself riding sometimes a couple of hours a week or month or few months now instead of all day every day (every hour of the day my temazapam didn't take me out).


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