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#359796 - 04/15/11 03:41 PM Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges?
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
I've been wondering...could Same Sex Attraction urges be more powerful than "normal" sex urges?

The question came to my mind because male survivors usually give in to SSA, knowing they don't want it - therefore, the SSA urge must be deeply powerful (particularly when it breaks up a loving marriage).

I can think of only 3 urges to have normal sex: 1) procreation; 2) pleasure; 3) strengthening a relationship.

I've heard several reasons why men give in to SSA; I can't think of all of them at present, but I believe Mike Lew (author of "Victims No Longer") suggested that one reason is in an effort to relive the abuse, perhaps with the unconscious idea of "rewriting" the outcome if the sex is not as abusive or even nonabusive.

Therefore, I think the major urge to give in to SSA is to fulfill a NEED (need for attention, affection, acceptance, etc.) which probably explains why some survivors returned to their abusers to be abused again and again.

This question should probably be asked of Dr. Kort, but I heard he was having technical difficulties. Dr. Kort, is there any way to "measure" sexual urges? To measure SSA against "normal" sexual urges? If this is virgin (no pun intended) territory, perhaps a measurement could be devised, and an award-winning paper be written? Who knows? smile

I appreciate any comments you guys would like to make. Thanks. smile

Your loving brother, as always,

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#359809 - 04/15/11 05:45 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
wayne9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
Bobcat. Don't know if these would help or if it even matters. And you may know more about this than me but I tell it anyway. My T has shown me pictures of brain scans on CSA victims. There are passageways in our brains that chemical flow through when we are get sexually aroused. Those passageways in the brain of the abuse victim are several times larger than those in the pictures of a non-victims brain. Could this be the reason that we give into ssa more than normal sexual desires. Just a thought......and I have plenty that mostly mean nothing......LOL

Tim


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#359811 - 04/15/11 05:47 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: TheBobcatAgain
I've been wondering...could Same Sex Attraction urges be more powerful than "normal" sex urges?


i wonder how much of the power comes simply from that attraction being taboo, forbidden?

also, i imagine everyone has their own definition of what takes place between two guys... but, if we just go with a very basic "vanilla" de>
_________________________
Jeff

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#359817 - 04/15/11 06:35 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: westchesterguy]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Good points, guys. Thanks. smile

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#359826 - 04/15/11 08:33 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
At first I mis-read your question, so I am updating my response.

I have long held the belief that SSA is re-enforced. The stimulated prostate causes a chain reaction that creates an increased release of dopamine. This is why for a long time SAA was classified as an addiction.

Will Dopamine create stronger connections in the mind? Defiantly.

Watch "What the Bleep went down the rabbit hole."



Edited by Napoleon (04/15/11 08:41 PM)
_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

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#359864 - 04/16/11 12:20 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: Napoleon]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
uhh

dopamine is released in HUGE quantities by all mammals as they approach sexual situations.

it's not a gay thing man


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#359923 - 04/16/11 06:59 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: risingagain]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1241
Loc: NY
My personal opinion in this matter, as a survivor that has dealt with and admittedly acted upon a few times SSA urges. Is that for normal Non-CSA people, the their maybe an urge, but because there has never been they have never been in such an experience with some one of the same same the taboo is too great to over come.

In my instances with acting out sexual with an other male, the threshold of the taboo was non-existent because my boundaries had already been trespassed and there for the normal amount of things holding me back in such a situation, like the shame of it, or thinking about and imaginary line that once crossed couldn't be uncrossed did not exist, that line had been crossed long ago by my abusers.

So the normal parameters that would make me less likely to act out in that way were much less prevalent than some one that had not had the experiences that I had in childhood and therefore more likely for me engage in that type of activity.

I never once enjoyed any of the encounters that I had with men, I think I was trying to recreate something or regain some control or maybe find the acceptance that I once felt--But in NEVER worked out that way, at least not for me.

Just my two cents on the issue.

Take care guys,
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#359924 - 04/16/11 07:02 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: Logan]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
The important thing here is to learn what is healthy FOR YOU! Sexuality is not simple.

I try to approach it with an inquisitive, curious mind. I take things slowly and listen to my body to see where impulses are coming from.

I don't believe any of us can successfully create a blanket statement that rings true for everyone. SSA is present in many forms in our society, some healthy, some not so healthy. I respect and honor your journey around it.


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#359927 - 04/16/11 07:15 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: risingagain]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
To me part of the issue here is the definition of what is 'normal'.

What does normal mean to you?

Does normal mean healthy?

Does normal mean functional?

Does normal mean what the bible says?

Does normal mean what your parents did?

What does normal mean?

Where do we learn what is normal?

What is truly healthy for us?

Where does that come from?

All the best brothers. I wish you well.


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#359928 - 04/16/11 07:18 PM Re: Is SSA "stronger" than normal sex urges? [Re: risingagain]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
from a religious point of view i believe

God gave each of us a compass
it helps us to beat in tune with the rhythm of all life
it's called a heart.

Now what happens when a church interprets some parts of the bible a certain way
And says that's the word of God
And my heart tells me something different?

Who to believe?

What is normal?


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