to change a name - The MS Discussion Board

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#359639 - 04/14/11 01:19 AM to change a name
risingagain Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 11/09/10 Posts: 444	i have a buddhist friend he is a lawyer i asked him what are the legal implications should i change my name? he asked me deeper questions back how much of you wanting to change your name is because you hate your parents? i answered no! it's not out of spite ... but part of me had to check myself because part of it is about spite fuck you to my family name mixed with a desire to move on to make the cuts needed to live a healthy life but if i harbor hate in my heart, my buddhist friend asked, will i ever be free? a powerful question i sat with many feelings arising in me what would changing my name do? could it unintentionally cause harm? i was raped by my parents i am in the turbulent waters stage 2, i reckon with the abuse its effects, the cost to me, to everyone around me could i reach a place of compassion not a fake whitewash forgiveness covering a seething pool of loss but a true compassion borne of having experienced the loss, dealt with it, and moved on a slow compassion a wound thoroughly cleaned thoroughly cleaned and cared for and cared for and tended to and tended to wow... i sit with the discomfort the tension in my family that feeling of disgust at the name they gave me all the terrifying nights mixed with moments of actual love confused parents both loving and killing their child i will not be their victim and i will not give them my adulthood and i will not cause them suffering because what they did to me was borne of their anger, their pain their suffering i have suffered they have suffered this ends with me so i sit and breathe as each day brings a new curve in this rollercoaster and my spirit begins to climb rising again
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#359658 - 04/14/11 09:32 AM Re: to change a name [Re: risingagain]
Ever-fixed Mark Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 01/02/10 Posts: 646 Loc: United States	A wonderful and powerful insight for you. -efm _________________________ Everybody here's got a story to tell Everybody's been through their own hell There's nothing too special about getting hurt Getting over it, that takes the work - "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips
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#359680 - 04/14/11 04:21 PM Re: to change a name [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
petercorbett Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 07/27/08 Posts: 2391 Loc: TEXAS	Hi, risingagain. Powerful insight. I hope that someday you will get the peace & serenity, that we all deserve. "I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me. Pete..Irishmoose. _________________________ Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953 ____________________________________________________________ A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA. May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010. Hope Springs, 2010.
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#359700 - 04/14/11 08:01 PM Re: to change a name [Re: petercorbett]
jevin Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 11/30/10 Posts: 44 Loc: somewhere on the Red Road	Beautifully said. The poetry of your recovery, rising. <tears> - Jev _________________________ "Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event." - Carl Jung
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#359704 - 04/14/11 08:44 PM Re: to change a name [Re: jevin]
risingagain Member MaleSurvivor Registered: 11/09/10 Posts: 444	god damnit guys your love stings reminding me that i am loved not alone it stings to hear it it breaks through my shell it cracks i surrender i am loved
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