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#35943 - 04/30/01 08:48 PM Re: blame
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
It is myself that ends up hurt, while others walk and do as they please. I pray they turn themselves around and stop hurting others.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#35944 - 05/01/01 02:49 PM Re: blame
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Thanks for your support. I have reread your replies.

I did not do anything.
I was inocent.
I was a kid.

Again Thanks

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#35945 - 05/07/01 08:57 PM Re: blame
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I forgive myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! It is not my problem anymore

I do not have to fix myself

I am not damaged goods!!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#35946 - 05/25/01 11:56 AM Re: blame
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I hope I believe I am not damaged goods anymore.

Home alone, doing very good today.

Life is an adventure, sometimes one in which I do not care for.

I still wake up crying when I am by myself at night. I know I am healing, but I am sometimes impatient with the pace I heal.

That is all for know.

a couple of my email buddies are not responding

Michael D. is one of them, I hope you are ok

please respond so I know how you are doing Michael

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#35947 - 05/27/01 09:18 PM Re: blame
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
It is funny how men in general put so much importance in their jobs. What do you do? Is the usual question. I know I need a job to earn money, but not to feel important.
While I am looking part of me feels like something is wrong with me.

Somehow it is my fault.

It is only part of me that feels this way.

It was not my fault that I was abused, and I will find a job somewhere.

I will take my own advice and be gentle with myself. \:\)

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#35948 - 06/06/01 10:16 AM Re: blame
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
so many mixed feelings about everything.

today I am consentrating on healthy things,

a walk outside, putting things away, sorting

through things. I am trying to stay present,

and not live in the past or futrue.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#35949 - 06/06/01 07:48 PM Re: blame
Anonymous
Unregistered


Michael,

Some things that I have learned on the path to healing.

* No person deserves to be raped or abused.

* It is NEVER the survivor's fault. NEVER

* Every person posesses the capacity to heal.

* You handled what happened to the best of your ability. You really did do your best to protect yourself and whatever coping mechanisms you used are what helped you to make it through a really terrible situation.

It is so hard to not take almost any negative situation and in some way have it take you back to those feelings you had when you were sexually abused. For such a long time, everything that happened to me made me feel like a victim all over again and it was really awful. It will get easier though.

It is funny but a year or two ago, someone could have told me those things and I would have told them to piss off. I have learned slowly that they are all true. You will learn this too.

Peace,

Jim


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#35950 - 06/06/01 11:23 PM Re: blame
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Thank you Jim,

I have been learning so much in the past two or more years. Trying to learn in the past 10 yrs. Now I am learning. I used to try, now I do.

All the abuse still effects me, it does not control me. It is not me. It was done to me. Part of me feels like I am bad, but I am good.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#195470 - 12/16/07 04:17 AM Re: blame [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
it is not my fault, 6 years later

finally where I wanted to be

I smile so much more than when I was married

I was so depressed and unloved

theressa did not know how to show it or was she

unconditional, there were tons of conditions

ruining the adoption was the last straw

that was I 9,000 dollar check I wrote and I thought those two kids were mine, she broke my heart

she hurt me more than the abuse all together and after 26 people hurt me sexually that is not a small amt of hurt by my ex-wife

she wins the prize for hurting me

at least I am happy

for once in my life I have someone that loves me
I waited a long time to be happy

today I had a lot of fun
everyday I will have fun and enjoy what I have

I am so glad I found this place
it saved my life

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#195472 - 12/16/07 07:15 AM Re: blame [Re: michael Joseph]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Michael,

I'm glad things have worked out so well for you. It must be an interesting experience - looking back six years and seeing how you thought about things back then.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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