My H has been doing alot of talking with me lately and it has been amazing. This question is particular to his situation in the fact that he escaped his hell through deadly force. He tells me that he feels like he was supposed to die during his ordeal but for whatever reason there was that moment. A moment of clarity, or a moment of loosened ropes, or whatever and he seized it and escaped. The memory of the lifeless face of his assailant is what haunts his dreams as much as the memories of the abuse. He feels like he shouldn't be alive, shouldn't have the life that he has. Marriage, two beautiful children, a moderately successful business built on his back and with his own two hands. I tell him that he should feel brave and I am amazed by him and his ability to survive and his ability to be the man I see and know. However, he does not take care of himself at all. He avoids the doctor, the dentist, the barber, clean clothes, etc. He will go without eating, he will drink to excess, engage in physically risky work environments. I know that he doesn't feel like he deserves to be taken care of. I know he wants to appear unattractive. He has told me these things. I guess, I just want to know how I can reach him and let him know that survival guilt is not uncommon. How to reach him and make him understand that his survival and the destruction of this monster not only saved his life but the lives of the ones that would have come after. (We feel very strongly that he was the victim of a serial killer.) How to make him understand that his survival is the basis of our lives, our marriage, and our children. That those things would not exist without his survival. I would love to hear from survivors about how they see this. Particularly those survivors of stranger/kidnapping attacks. I feel that the trust betrayal issues may be somewhat different between stranger vs. familial abuse. Meaning that the incestual betrayal of trust is a betrayal of what one might consider a sacred trust while being snatched off of the street and waking up in a basement is, well, it's just different. Although any responses will be greatly appreciated. As always, thank you for the support and to all who are here, continue to heal well.