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#359412 - 04/12/11 08:51 AM Night's Cleansing
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Nightís Cleansing

So while in sleep,
I sweep and I sweep and I sweep
Painfully brushing up slivered memories
Dreams - the broom for these broken bits
Shards that prick with each silent stroke
So while in sleep,
I weep and I weep and I weep




Edited by earlybird (04/12/11 08:11 PM)
_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#359470 - 04/12/11 08:43 PM Re: Night's Cleansing [Re: earlybird]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
This spoke to me a lot - have been waking up around the same time most mornings after dreams. Also, have them as soon as I go to sleep.

Like pieces that need to fit somewhere but heck if I know where they would need to be.

Shards right under the skin.

Good poem, guy.

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#359487 - 04/12/11 10:39 PM Re: Night's Cleansing [Re: prisonerID]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
My therapist recently told me that when I have nightmares, it is just my unconscious self trying to feel again. It is trying to feel things that would otherwise paralyze me and keep me from functioning during the day. still, sleep is something to which I succumb and surrender. When I was teaching, 6am was not my friend, and throughout the day I often looked forward to the moment my head would hit the pillow. Now it is not so. Now, 10pm, is not my friend. 10pm becomes 11pm, 11pm becomes 3am, 3am turns into an all-nighter. i get tired in the day time, which becomes another escape from having to deal with social contact and the challenges of being there for my family.

but somehow... maybe this spares us from something darker?

_________________________
ďIf a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.Ē

- Saint John of the Cross

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#359520 - 04/13/11 07:56 AM Re: Night's Cleansing [Re: CruxFidelis]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Morning Daryl,

It was in a conversation with you many months ago when I heard you use the term ďshards of glass under the skinĒ to describe how your dreams felt. That stuck with me as one the best ways to paint what I felt when Iíd wake from a nightmare. Daryl our ďnightmareĒ has brought us closer together, eclipsing any differences, bonding us which Iíve come to believe is the opposite intent of any rapist. I cherish our relationship and others I have formed on site and off.

Still my dreams shatter the nights and splitter throughout my veins pricking and stabbing with each beat of the heart so I know Iím missing something in all of this, but what?

Hello as well Peter,

Your de>


Edited by earlybird (04/13/11 07:58 AM)
_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#359957 - 04/17/11 12:48 AM Re: Night's Cleansing [Re: earlybird]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Wow, lots of imagery in that poem. As I was reading it I was visualizing the dream state of it. A young boy having to clean up a mess that was not of his making.

_________________________
Eddie

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#360551 - 04/23/11 12:25 PM Re: Night's Cleansing [Re: EGL]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
I know it's a little rude to bring poems forward after they've played out. But, this poem and it's meaning has been haunting me for days now. I hate that I can't "just walk away". As tacky as it is I had something more I needed to say. Here goes:

I know Iím one of the lucky ones. During the day my life is full and complete. Iím loved Ė something that Iím keenly aware many in and out of relationships are not, which makes the nights so perplexing. It is in sleep that I revisit places and memories. It is there I develop many of my false self-beliefs. It is under the sheets I fight battles, seldom victoriously. It is in the timelessness of dreams Iím small, something that has always puzzled me. I was not abused as a child yet often in dreams Iím around the age of between six and ten. Iím positive this is a misrepresentation of facts but Iím I remain confused as to the meaning.

It is in the dark, when I should be resting, I wait, finding little comfort. Normally at this time of year I have few nightmares. Iím typically at the tail end of my dream season. But this year is a bit different and the dreamís rememberingís a little more tenacious. Maybe the reason is because, for the first time, Iím writing about my dreams stabbing at meanings. Or possibly it could be because at the time of writing this poem, ten days ago I knew I was going to be venturing onto landscapes I avoid and being in the company of some I rarely allow close.

Iíve come to believe that in my dreams Iím trying to clean up the mess. Figure out what happened, the why of it, and fix the many mistakes I made, before, during and after the rape. But while attempting at picking up the broken bits and pieces I get pricked and the jagged shards snap off at the skin line. These splinters bite when brushed or picked at act as reminders, Iíll never completely rid myself of the damage caused as a result of the rape. (Never is a long time)

So, I weep.

That is my nights. But in the day I have all a man could ever desire.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#360918 - 04/28/11 04:11 AM Re: Night's Cleansing [Re: earlybird]
pbert53 Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 576
Loc: Washington, USA
WOW, thank you.

peace

paul

_________________________
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

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