So, true, and as a kid this was my reality.
After I was raped at 21 my new "strategy" was to build walls around myself so thick that no emotional air could get through. Control, control, control. It poisoned my relationships and left friends and family scratching their heads that such a smart, caring guy could also be such an ass.
When the grief from the abuse eventually exploded that fortress, developing healthy boundaries for the first time in my life was so damn hard. I made lots of mistakes -- huge swings back and forth between allowing more victimization and being a master controller. It took time, recovery work and the loving patience of others to achieve some measure of balance. I'm still not where I want to be, but at least now I can breathe emotional air again and I don't live in constant fear.
The few short months I've spent here with you all has rallied my hope that I can get better at this. A work in progress.
"Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event."
- Carl Jung