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#358975 - 04/08/11 05:08 AM Alone
illbedat Offline


Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 75
Loc: David Wright is AWESOME
Nobody cared about the boy. Obviously not right. Quiet praying for someone to save him. embarassed about everything, from what he looked like to what he thought. Never to speak embarassed of that to. He hid in the shadows, but hoped someone would see him. Be his friend, be his teacher, be his parent. show him love and drag him from the depths where he hid. the savior he searched for through his silence and f'd up demeanor never came. He wanted a way out of his head. he cried when people judged him. nothing has changed. except hes not the cute boy anymore. If no one cared then why would they care now. old and ugly, quiet and misunderstood, scared cold and unlovable. its not gunna be ok till they tell me. they'll never care... never save me. if you seen me you wouldnt care either.

_________________________
Take me back to the place, where I've seen it before. Before the time I lost it, where you will see, the shadow that still haunts me.

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#358977 - 04/08/11 06:29 AM Re: Alone [Re: illbedat]
Aberrant30 Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 139
Loc: I live on the Emerald Coast, F...
I see you Brandon, and I care about who you are, and what I can do to help you. But more then any thing els, i'd do any thing to keep my friend, healthy, healing and loved. I don't know how much I can do, but I see you.

Love; Tom.

P.S. like ah brother.

_________________________
"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30

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#359021 - 04/08/11 03:36 PM Re: Alone [Re: illbedat]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
((((Brandon))))

G

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#359025 - 04/08/11 03:46 PM Re: Alone [Re: mrwhiskers]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6452
Loc: Right Behind You!
This sounds very familiar to me...to many of us I guarantee its familiar. For me, this rap was installed in my head during all the abuse. I'm betting it was similarly installed into you as well.

_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#359080 - 04/09/11 03:03 AM Re: Alone [Re: illbedat]
illbedat Offline


Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 75
Loc: David Wright is AWESOME
i dont know what to do. im always wrong. when i try... when i dont try. always the wrong decision. sick of playin this game and always losing. maybe i should just shut the fuck up forever.

_________________________
Take me back to the place, where I've seen it before. Before the time I lost it, where you will see, the shadow that still haunts me.

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#359087 - 04/09/11 06:18 AM Re: Alone [Re: illbedat]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6452
Loc: Right Behind You!
I hear you and I think I know where you are. You've hit a wall...a realization...a devastating view. I certainly have bug issues with disclosure and wanting to give it up. I would love to re-bottle it all, because when I let it out, nothing went right. No one supported me (cept for here). But now, I'm realizing that if I shut-up and shut-down, I'm letting myself be re-neglected and re-enforcing myself on the 'guilt hook.'

We ought not take ANY more guilt...no more blame...no more un-answered calls for help! You deserve to heal no matter what.

I want nothing more than for MY loved ones to say the words that "let me off the hook." I want to hear them say that I went through hell and back...that they were not there and did not even notice me...that they see what I did to survive was right and NOT embarassing (TO THEM). I need them to acknowledge that all of us were involved in some way.

You are clearly in a dark place right now, and I truly feel for you. I truly know of what you speak. Dissapointments back then...dissapointments now. Give it all time dude. Take it all a bit slower. You've got tons of people here ready to listen and support you while yer going through this.

_________________________
Keep the others in your life happy - Comply Comply Comply

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#359090 - 04/09/11 07:29 AM Re: Alone [Re: Still]
Rusty563 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 200
Loc: Anywhere, USA
Brandon,

Don't "shut the fuck up." Scream, cry, talk, keep posting, whatever it takes to get that glimmer of hope even if it's for a quick moment, it'll be worth it.

One of the best things you've done and the one thing you can be proud of, is coming here to MS. I've only been here for a short time and I've found so much support and love that I can't go a day without coming here to see what my brothers ("Brothers." Ain't it nice to know that? Brothers in arms with a common goal - reaching out to each other.)have to say, where they're at in their recovery and listening to their pain, like yours, as well.

Please hang in there. You don't have to hide in the shadows any longer. And I repeat DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP. You have a voice. Use it.

Your Brother, Rusty



Edited by Rusty563 (04/09/11 07:32 AM)
_________________________
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you - Maya Angelous
Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed - Martin Luther King
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qF_qbaWt3Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDOkMSf-F14

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#359100 - 04/09/11 09:37 AM Re: Alone [Re: Rusty563]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio

Dear Brandon,

I'm so sorry that you're going through an especially hard time right now, but can also assure you that it will pass and is temporary, it may feel like forever, but it isn't.

The best thing to do right now is what you've already decided to do for yourself, that's to stay connected to all of us here. We really do understand how you feel because we've all been there too. Especially now, remind yourself that you're not alone with your CSA anymore, there are many, many others here who understand and do care about what happens to you. Hang in there and know that there really is love for you here and in this world.

Gary

_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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