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#358957 - 04/08/11 01:18 AM Confront your brother?
AverageMan Offline


Registered: 02/13/11
Posts: 13
My older brother did some sexually inappropriate things with me when I was kid. We have never talked about it and we all pretend it never happened. I actually think they all forgot about it? Maybe they would tell me it never happened and I made it all up?

Do you need to confront them to heal? Does it matter? If I never talk to him or my family about it, does that mean I have not healed or forgiven? Because I do feel like I forgave him.

I was thinking about it but I actually prefer to pretend that it never happened. It is easier for me that way.

Has anyone had this kind of experience? What did you do and how did it turn out?


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#358995 - 04/08/11 10:50 AM Re: Confront your brother? [Re: AverageMan]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Read this before doing any confrontation:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer3.html


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#358997 - 04/08/11 11:02 AM Re: Confront your brother? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
beat me too it ken wink..they are your words though....and when done reading AM..let me know..as I have some experience with confronting my brother.

H

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#358999 - 04/08/11 11:12 AM Re: Confront your brother? [Re: Castle]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
"I was thinking about it but I actually prefer to pretend that it never happened. It is easier for me that way. "

While you may not need to confront...pretending it never happened is definitly not going to help you heal..IMHO

And if you are here, your not forgetting it, it will only keep getting worse unless you contnue to work on it...but kudos for finding us and making the first steps.

And I hope you are seeing a T, or considering it...Its not a DIY project.

H

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#359062 - 04/08/11 11:05 PM Re: Confront your brother? [Re: Castle]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3379
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
my brother did quite a few innapropriate things with me too when I was between the ages of 5 and 9 - he is 16 months older than me

I've never really confronted him directly (though I really don't blame him for what happened - and have forgiven him) - it's a very complicated story though - as we where both raised in a physicaly/mentaly abusive home filled with neglect (he refuses to even admit that the 1st 18 years of his life even happened - though the effects of his childhood are very easy for me to see)

Kens article is a very good article - I hope that you read it more than once

it did happen - sadly pretending it did'nt really does'nt make it go away in the long haul - it just prolongs the pain

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#359268 - 04/10/11 08:08 PM Re: Confront your brother? [Re: TJ jeff]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Averageman, my brother is also my abuser. He is also still in my life and we have never talked about what happened. Do you need to confront him to get over it, I have no idea.

Personally my approach is that recovery is about me and you, it's not about my or your brother. Right now I can live with him in my life. If one day I decide to confront him, or remove him from my life I will. To me that is not pretending it did not happen, it is focusing on yourself.


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