I am trying to figure out how to confront my abuser.

There is movie that involves some CSA victims that turn into adults and then get even with their abusers. They where abused in a “detention center”. A few of the CSA victims run into him in a store and kill him. Another victim becomes the prosecutor and helps them beat the charges. What is the name of this movie?

Naturally this was a trigger for me and I can’t remember the name of the movie. I didn’t know what a trigger was when I watched the movie, the memories where amnesic. I had a panic attack during the movie. I have had panic attacks most my life just didn’t know the cause. Then after kicking the shit out a pedophile, the full flash backs started.
My abuser took pictures with a Polaroid camera of the things he did to us. I know that he abused many more than me, and abused a lot more before he lived near me. I know a few others, but I am one of the few that ever knew who the others where. Some of them don’t even know they were abused because of the way he concealed it.

He has never been prosecuted. I was thinking of sending that movie along with a Polaroid. The Polaroid would be a picture of the text “we kn.ow who you are, and we are com.ing for you.” I would use cut outs of letters from the paper.

Keep in mind that I have no chance to prosecute my abuser because of statute of limitations. I have no intent on doing anything illegal, the intent is to terrorize him as he did to me. I don’t have to face him. He doesn’t get the opportunity to really deny, or lie or anything. What do think? Crossing the line? Legal Issues?

I can't imagine doing such a thing would be in any way wise, or productive to healing.

I understand the motivation though.

~Matty

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Napolean,
Are you thinking of the movie "Mystic River"?

Hhmmmmm, intriguing thought...Did your perpetrator ever live in Colorado before your encounter with him? My perpetrator liked photography too but instant cameras weren't invented yet. However, I can't support actually conspiring to carry out such an activity, as making threats and intimidations are illegal in most places.

I have thought about trying to identify my perpetrator and outing him to the Feds in hopes that he can be caught on current charges of possesion of child pornography. After sentencing, I would have him posed handcuffed being escorted by police officer friends of mine, standing in front of the judge with the evidence stacked up in front of him in boxes; I would take his photo while asking him,"How's it gonna go for a child molester in prison?". That would be a sweet justice, I think.
Peace,
Shadow+Walker

There is a certain amount of satisfaction in the thought of bringing justice, even "seven times more" than justice to the abuser.

However, as brought out here, this type of anticipated vengeful torment of the perpetrator is dangerous and debilitating to the victim. It can lead to acting out and illegal activity that destroys the present recovery of the survivor.

There is a healthy process to confrontation. Please pursue this process here in MS as described by our own Ken Singer LCSW here @ http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer3.html. This does not preclude professional therapy, but it does help us to understand what we need to bring about healthy change in our perspective and move us away from abuse controls.

Peace and recovery,
Sam

You can file a civil court case aginst him . In other words You can not file criminal charges. But You can sue him for personal dammages that he caused to you . The Statude of Limations is difrent in difrent states.
Texas Has no statude of limitations . When It comes to Sexual Crimes .
Because this Piece Of Shit . Should have to pay for what he did.

JMcCormick, I have decided against this course of action. Mostly because of your point “not be able to see the reaction.”

Shadow, Don’t know where he lived before only know kids where also molested there because of a conversation with his children, I still remember. It would be in 1983-1984. I will find out in time, I know where the answers are, just not ready to seek them.

Mike, I am not sure on the civil court case, currently there may be some issues proofing it was him because the way he concealed it. I know where to find this proof in time, just not ready to seek it.

I am quite willing to wait tell I am more emotionally stable than I am now. I grew up in a small town. Everyone knew everyone. I already went to search for answerers. I didn’t know his name, and now I do. However he disappeared right after the abuse, ane I thought he went to jail. Except when I went looking for answers I found that he moved, and never went to jail. I was not ready for that information...

I have a little time to plot my revenge. I would be in no hurry, except that I am concerned that he may have access to children. I am thinking of do in a way that is very public, and so the whole town knows, the whole town in a town where everyone knows everyone…

The movie Sleepers is based on a book which supposedly is based on a true story. In Sleepers, 3 of the original 4 were killed in the act of taking revenge. The 4th wrote the book. (I think my memory is correct on this).

Allen

There is no more sweet revenge than justice?

I am sure his is still up to his old ways. He probably has hidden kiddie porn on his computer, maybe still looking for victims?

Why not just walk into the police department in his community and tell them what they did to you? Or write a letter?

Maybe the police would investigate him and find stuff they could use against him? There are special internet investigators now a days to investigate stuff like this (I think).

Unfortunately our laws are written to protect law breakers, not victims. You are an optimist. Walk into the police department… If it was only that easy... First of all the police department where he is, has no jurisdiction. It is where it happened that has jurisdiction.

These memories began appearing after I lost my cool, and beat the living heck out of my roommate who I had recently discovered was pedophiles. Actually I tried to kill him. Great therapy by the way, I would suggest that anyone who has been abused try it. It can be expensive however I will warn you, attorneys, and fines and probation is expensive. You may want to try normal therapy, it’s a lot cheaper.

The First person I talked to about this (outside my immediate family), was one of the two city cops, that where cops back when it happened. (Small town makes this easier to investigate) He suggested I called first, and gave a number to a detective who was still a detective. After several calls I was referred to the detective who currently serves where it happened. I have been to the police department. I have called repeatedly to speak with the detective and follow through with the case. Last time he told me not to call him back, he would call me. He promised to call me within a few weeks. That was 5 months ago still haven’t heard back from him.

You are an optimist to think this could be solved by just walking into the police station. The police can’t do anything, look at the news. The good news is that my abuser was not a priest continuing to abusing kids daily. I don’t think I could live with that.

Napoleon,
Thanks for the reply. In my case I have no way of ever identifying my perp so I can't think along the lines of revenge for real, other than what I mentioned obove. Your perp sounds like a real perv and eventually he will bring down justice on his own head. Some people call it "Karma"... I am sure that as you work through your anger, with caring support you will find a meaningful and positive outlet that is conducive to your continued healing.

I have never seen the movie "Sleepers". I'll check it out.
Peace,
Shadow+Walker

Some times You have to make waves to be heard. If you believe that you are not able to get the police to do their job.Go over there head.
Every one has a supervisor . And people do not like it when you go over there head. They hate the media. Talk to the local paper or TV .
Some times you have to fight for what is rite. Because pedophile assholes need to be brought to justice.
If you dont stand up for your rites . Who will?

One thing I've learned. There's no way to succeed at this dream.

Since I have last spoken, I have contacted the son who was abused with me. He has no memory of it, strokes. But I was able to identify "DAD" was his real dad, and not a step dad etc. So no I know who he is.
OKIE MIKE : "They hate the media. Talk to the local paper or TV."
I am thinking along the same guide lines, however I don't think I want local. I want national. The way to do that is to create a head line.
This afternoon I created a headline... In the way that I verified it. I used FACE BOOK. You always here about peds using face book to find victims, but now you have a victom using it find a perp. I have 2 Publicist already (Plan on being famous some day) so getting into the news is easy, although it may cost a few hundred dollars. Money well spent. The face book spin with the help of my publicists should give it national publicity.

Robbie Brown: “One thing I've learned. There's no way to succeed at this dream.”
I disagree, I also just created a database of all his contacts off FACEBOOK. CHECK MATE.

The POS that raped me. Was Sgt 1st Class. E Hernandez . This happened over 30 years ago While I was serving in the US Army
I know his Full name. The unit that he was stationed with.
And the job that he had.
He was the Personal NCO of the 553rd S&S Batalion. During the time pierod 1977/1978
But The Military and VA . Will not give me any info as to When or where he was Discharged. He should be about 66.
I have a friend that is a Licensed PI.He can't find him.
Do You have any idea how many people named
E Hernandez That there are.
I was raped in Houston TX. By another GI . I believe that he has a conection with Houstoon . But there are Several Hundred people with his name in Texas.
The Veterans Adm. Has decided That I have PTSD because of being raped.
If you given a chance to get your pound of flesh.
GO FOR IT . If not for you. Do it for all of the other people's lives that He fucked up

I gave up on pursuing this in December. Just to much effort spent holding someone down, when I could spend the effort lifting myself up. Then I saw a picture of him on face book, with a child in the background. Decided there was some benefit to pursuing it.
And lets face it Sending messages to all of his friends is far more effective than any sex offender list, since those who need to see it never will. Even if they do see list, how do they know they are a danger, and not just a 19 year old who slept with his 17 year old girl friend? I have not sent the messages, want to consult with attorney first.

I would just hate to see you get in trouble. All things on the internet are tracable.

I ended up more screwed as a victim than the vast majority of perps. I'm glad you are doing the consult first.

Sleepers. You should read the book instead.

This is a delicate matter. I was raped by my parents and I have really thought twice about telling my story in a more public way. I decided that if I want to tell it more publicly I will change my name. That way they cannot easily sue me for defamation, and I can still tell my story. I already told my sister who has a small child, and she is aware of it.

Unfortunately everyone I have talked to about the legal system says it is very easy to get revictimized, although you can win, it is most often a long and very draining process. I did a lot of soul searching and realized that my main goal was to claim my life back, start to live the life I want to.... with that in mind, I decided that pursuing prosecution is not the best option at this time.

I trust you'll make the right decision. You come first.

Not sure why I used face book to confront him. But it is what it is, I don't know there is a right way.

FaceBook-->
Subject: Child Molester

ME--> April 9 at 6:09pm
I remember what you did to me. I remember what you made your son do to me. I remember the Polaroid pictures you took. I remember felling your hair on my back. I may have only seen you once, but that was enough. Tell me what you did with the pictures, or this is not over. .

ABUSER--> April 14 at 8:50pm Report
I don't know who you are or what your talking about. Sorry??? .

ME--> April 15 at 9:05am
Guess you would not recognize me since I am older. Not to mention not being tied up or blind folded.

Denial is what I expected… Like you would admit it. I have flash backs at lease once a week, I will never forget it, or you. Billy may have called you DAD instead of Bill, but you are still the same person.

Wow, man. I feel for you. That is so powerful for you to have written. So powerful.

Napoleon,

One of our Brothers once said, "No amount of anger or wanting revenge will change what happened." That said, I do highly recommend the legal system to get your "revenge" but remember it could be counter productive if you should lose the battle that you are up against. Proceed with caution. You want to move forward in your recovery. Not backwards.

As for myself, I'm about to embark on pursuing a priest that raped and/or commited sexual battery against me when I was 17 (this is based on my state's laws). Is it revenge? Not in my eyes. If I succeed it will be vindication and I'll be able to get some of my dignity back and put some of the anger to rest.

Rusty

This is PaddyM...new here. I feel your pain. I confronted the priest who did exactly to me what you described in your account and yes...he said he did not recall who I was. I was on my way to see him but decided against it. He has haunted me for over 35 yrs. They all live in denial and look at us like we are the crazy ones. I would feel better if he just said, "hell yes....I did you!" But we won't get that from these monsters. I do believe that Vengence is thine sayeth the Lord.

Is it revenge? I say NO. Will it help? I say maybe not. I have been fighting that same question for over 35 years. The reality now is I am not 13 years old and I am a USMC combat vet...the shoe would be on the other foot.

I have from time to time wondered if I should try to exact revenge on my abusers.

The thought that comes to me is that if I were to do that I would be stooping to their level. I would be making the statement to them and to the world that I am no better than they are. Then there could be no justice because I would have lowered myself to their level. We would both deserve judgement.

Allen

Another reason I don't want to try to get even:

God says "Justice is mine, I will repay."

If I were to take justice into my own hands then I think that God would not repay in my behalf.

1. My first abuser's career plummeted after the abuse. The main notoriety he achieved (which was considerable) declined soon after the abuse. He never regained the fame he had before. He died of a heart attack in 1978.

2. Another abuser when I was 4 years old became extremely ill and died of atalectasis (which is slow suffocation, an advanced stage of lung destruction) 4 years later.

3. Another abuser served time.

4. Another abuser's career also plummeted and he was confined to a mental institution for about 6 months and given electroshock.

5. Another abuser is a lonely old man who has barricaded himself within his sizeable home. Since he also was abused as a child he may be experiencing some form of stay of execution.

Of the children (they were children at the time) who participated in abusing me, and who I know about, one served time, and another one may have become a perp and lived in a house on the desert.

Is this harsh?

Allen

Will it help? Just locating my abuser and confronting him has to a great degree. We as victims often fell out of control, this returns that control.

Is it revenge? I often fantasize about revenge my T says this is normal. Tracking him down, and “Q”ing him (quad-sectomy, you can guess the 4 things I would remove.) Is sending notes to his contacts, ensuring he does not have access to their children revenge? I think not. I would like to sue him: Is that stepping down to his level? I think not. I would like to put out press releases in the search for other victims to strengthen my case, while ensuring he does not have access to children. Is this stepping down to his level? I think not.

Like many abuse victims I have a lot anger. I can show you cases right off this sight from the friends and family section, where this anger is misplaced, and directed at those who do not deserve it. I can think of times in past where I have put that anger where it does not belong. I have current charges as a result. I see no better way than to channel this at my abuser.

When abusers do time, its because someone pressed charges. Someone had to put themselves in a position where the system may re-victimize them to put them behind bars. It takes a lot to put yourself in a passion where the law may very well not serve you. I have been to court enough times due to lawsuits, criminal charges etc. I have gone up against big shot attorneys from law firms representing big corporations, representing myself. Worst case scenario I loose in court… But even the worst case scenario won’t be a loss, because he will have to sit in court as I tell everyone what he did. Even if after I talk to my attorney I can’t sue, I can still take actions to protect others.

At the time of my first post, I didn’t know for certain who the abuser was. At the time of my first post I was not thinking along the lines of civil court, where even hearsay is admissible. I don’t need ropes or blindfolds. I don’t need to physically touch him or make threats, I have real recourse. What began as fantasy, and not knowing for certain who my abuser was, has turned into real feasible options.

"he lives everyday in serious pain from his back and knees and he has several health issues that has just about crippled him. He is on ss disability and hasn't worked for 7 years because of all his illness'. "

He is also raising 3 of his grandchildren.

I am meeting with his now wife in person next week.

Napoleon

I think civil action is justified and good.

If the authorities can intervene and take the "sucker" down then that's good.

Or if it has to be through the courts or whatever. Good.

Just not revenge action on your own.

Allen

The civil action may not be worth it. He is on Social Security for last 7 years. You can't get blood from a rock, don't try. It would be worse on me than him… Both financially and mentally…

Speaking with his wife, and ensuring she knows the risks is already in progress to happen.

Speaking with other victims... I have sent out several messages through face book, this was only last night. One has already responded saying he remembers some the of the sexual events but not the fathers involvement. I suggested he file charges since he is only now learning of the fathers involvement. I am going to ask him to come with me when we meet with the wife.

I have one victim I am going to have talk to in person, as he is not aloud on the internet because he himself became an abuser. He was the only victim I knew with certainanly to be abused, question is does he remember. Not so hard to find since he is on the sex offender list…

Right now I need to put this all on hold for a week and finish school so I don’t get kicked out.

Napoleon, I myself have thought the same stuff your going through, i often feel out of control of my thoughts and actions, blacking out for sometimes hours. and finding my self in weird places and what not. but i'm going off subject. honestly i would like nothing better then to spend 25 cents and save the court a ton of money but you gotta be 3% smarter then your abuser.
if you can take him to court i would suggest you do that, as you said he would have to tell his sins to the world. that maybe be more terror for him. in my case my abuser was heartless as heartless can be. i would suggest that you use what ever you need to do improve your own mental state and help to heal the scars not reopen them. best of luck brother, i hope everything goes well.