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#359943 - 04/16/11 10:23 PM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: Napoleon]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Wow, man. I feel for you. That is so powerful for you to have written. So powerful.


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#359980 - 04/17/11 09:55 AM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: risingagain]
Rusty563 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 209
Loc: Anywhere, USA
Napoleon,

One of our Brothers once said, "No amount of anger or wanting revenge will change what happened." That said, I do highly recommend the legal system to get your "revenge" but remember it could be counter productive if you should lose the battle that you are up against. Proceed with caution. You want to move forward in your recovery. Not backwards.

As for myself, I'm about to embark on pursuing a priest that raped and/or commited sexual battery against me when I was 17 (this is based on my state's laws). Is it revenge? Not in my eyes. If I succeed it will be vindication and I'll be able to get some of my dignity back and put some of the anger to rest.

Rusty

_________________________
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you - Maya Angelous
Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed - Martin Luther King
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qF_qbaWt3Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDOkMSf-F14

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#360072 - 04/18/11 07:50 AM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: Napoleon]
PaddyM Offline


Registered: 04/14/11
Posts: 5
This is PaddyM...new here. I feel your pain. I confronted the priest who did exactly to me what you described in your account and yes...he said he did not recall who I was. I was on my way to see him but decided against it. He has haunted me for over 35 yrs. They all live in denial and look at us like we are the crazy ones. I would feel better if he just said, "hell yes....I did you!" But we won't get that from these monsters. I do believe that Vengence is thine sayeth the Lord.


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#360074 - 04/18/11 07:53 AM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: Rusty563]
PaddyM Offline


Registered: 04/14/11
Posts: 5
Is it revenge? I say NO. Will it help? I say maybe not. I have been fighting that same question for over 35 years. The reality now is I am not 13 years old and I am a USMC combat vet...the shoe would be on the other foot.


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#360136 - 04/18/11 11:08 PM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: PaddyM]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I have from time to time wondered if I should try to exact revenge on my abusers.

The thought that comes to me is that if I were to do that I would be stooping to their level. I would be making the statement to them and to the world that I am no better than they are. Then there could be no justice because I would have lowered myself to their level. We would both deserve judgement.

Allen


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#360141 - 04/18/11 11:42 PM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Another reason I don't want to try to get even:

God says "Justice is mine, I will repay."

If I were to take justice into my own hands then I think that God would not repay in my behalf.

1. My first abuser's career plummeted after the abuse. The main notoriety he achieved (which was considerable) declined soon after the abuse. He never regained the fame he had before. He died of a heart attack in 1978.

2. Another abuser when I was 4 years old became extremely ill and died of atalectasis (which is slow suffocation, an advanced stage of lung destruction) 4 years later.

3. Another abuser served time.

4. Another abuser's career also plummeted and he was confined to a mental institution for about 6 months and given electroshock.

5. Another abuser is a lonely old man who has barricaded himself within his sizeable home. Since he also was abused as a child he may be experiencing some form of stay of execution.

Of the children (they were children at the time) who participated in abusing me, and who I know about, one served time, and another one may have become a perp and lived in a house on the desert.

Is this harsh?

Allen





Edited by pufferfish (04/18/11 11:59 PM)

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#360327 - 04/20/11 05:50 PM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: pufferfish]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
Will it help? Just locating my abuser and confronting him has to a great degree. We as victims often fell out of control, this returns that control.

Is it revenge? I often fantasize about revenge my T says this is normal. Tracking him down, and “Q”ing him (quad-sectomy, you can guess the 4 things I would remove.) Is sending notes to his contacts, ensuring he does not have access to their children revenge? I think not. I would like to sue him: Is that stepping down to his level? I think not. I would like to put out press releases in the search for other victims to strengthen my case, while ensuring he does not have access to children. Is this stepping down to his level? I think not.

Like many abuse victims I have a lot anger. I can show you cases right off this sight from the friends and family section, where this anger is misplaced, and directed at those who do not deserve it. I can think of times in past where I have put that anger where it does not belong. I have current charges as a result. I see no better way than to channel this at my abuser.

When abusers do time, its because someone pressed charges. Someone had to put themselves in a position where the system may re-victimize them to put them behind bars. It takes a lot to put yourself in a passion where the law may very well not serve you. I have been to court enough times due to lawsuits, criminal charges etc. I have gone up against big shot attorneys from law firms representing big corporations, representing myself. Worst case scenario I loose in court… But even the worst case scenario won’t be a loss, because he will have to sit in court as I tell everyone what he did. Even if after I talk to my attorney I can’t sue, I can still take actions to protect others.

At the time of my first post, I didn’t know for certain who the abuser was. At the time of my first post I was not thinking along the lines of civil court, where even hearsay is admissible. I don’t need ropes or blindfolds. I don’t need to physically touch him or make threats, I have real recourse. What began as fantasy, and not knowing for certain who my abuser was, has turned into real feasible options.

_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

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#360761 - 04/26/11 04:05 AM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: pufferfish]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
"he lives everyday in serious pain from his back and knees and he has several health issues that has just about crippled him. He is on ss disability and hasn't worked for 7 years because of all his illness'. "

He is also raising 3 of his grandchildren.

I am meeting with his now wife in person next week.

_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

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#360762 - 04/26/11 04:12 AM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: Napoleon]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Napoleon

I think civil action is justified and good.

If the authorities can intervene and take the "sucker" down then that's good.

Or if it has to be through the courts or whatever. Good.

Just not revenge action on your own.

Allen


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#360812 - 04/26/11 06:30 PM Re: Terrorize my abuser? [Re: pufferfish]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
The civil action may not be worth it. He is on Social Security for last 7 years. You can't get blood from a rock, don't try. It would be worse on me than him… Both financially and mentally…

Speaking with his wife, and ensuring she knows the risks is already in progress to happen.

Speaking with other victims... I have sent out several messages through face book, this was only last night. One has already responded saying he remembers some the of the sexual events but not the fathers involvement. I suggested he file charges since he is only now learning of the fathers involvement. I am going to ask him to come with me when we meet with the wife.

I have one victim I am going to have talk to in person, as he is not aloud on the internet because he himself became an abuser. He was the only victim I knew with certainanly to be abused, question is does he remember. Not so hard to find since he is on the sex offender list…

Right now I need to put this all on hold for a week and finish school so I don’t get kicked out.

_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

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