I guess I'll add a fact that in large part explains my perspective. The reason I'm here is I met someone with this CSA past.

He's been married multiple times. As far as I can tell, he never told any of them, until they caught him enjoying his fetish.

Telling would have avoided these train wrecks. But he just can't bring himself to do it. He's dating someone now. He knows it will matter. He won't tell her.

Thank you Hannah. You've got a very accurate and real picture of all this. THAT is highly unusual. I appreciate it greatly.

BTW: I'm hoping to see your movie tonight.

I don't know how many people I've rejected out of fear of being found out. I don't feel like an imposter. Just half of a person.

I want to address this to 'Disappointed.

As he is your friend, can you encourage him to speak to a therapist? Sounds like he has repressed whatever happened to him and is in the 'just surviving mode' and acting out when the pressure builds up overwhelming him. Every person IS responsible for their actions. When we act out of our pain and end up hurting the innocent people who love us, we are responsible for that too. We are responsible to GET HELP also. So, I am not advocating he gets a 'free pass.' By the sounds of it, he needs to identify what went on and 'own' it and go to someone that can help him untangle the mess that he is right now.

Does he admit he's been abused? Does he understand that it is affecting him? Does he even think he needs help? Does he realize a lot of his broken relationships hinge on him being 'broken?'

I guess if the answer is 'no' to these questions, as his friend maybe you can at least let him know he is not alone in this. Recommending this sight to a guy might be the most powerful thing you can do at this point.

I hope you didn't take any of my replies as 'corrective.' I was simply sharing how messed up we were and didn't even discover what it stemmed from until well into our marriage. This is just 'our story.' Ideally it's great when the couple trusts one another and can unload their secrets. But coming from it even by a female perspective, I couldn't have formulated what was wrong. Both of us were just 'who we were' in time and space. We didn't have the internet (blessing and curse)where we could get help either, at least not the way it is today.

I will think of your friend and pray he can reach out and get the help he needs to get off his damaging merry-go-round. Best to you as you do what you can in understanding him. That's a blessing in itself.

Have a good day....

Hi Hannah 7,

LOLOLO

He sees a therapist almost every week.

He knows exactly what's going on, and why. I'm pretty sure he remembers all of it.

He's made up his mind about this, come what may.

Hello all. I haven't logged on an awhile. My boyfriend is triggered at this time and sometimes I tend to withdraw and quiet down, as I once again wrap my head around what is happening.

Robbie, I haven't replied much to you, but I do read and am moved plenty by your words. I just hope you understand that there are many supportive women here who would NEVER think of calling SURVIVORS imposters NOR rejects. I know you know this

I am grateful I came across a book that someone mentioned on this site entitled: Allies in Healing. Along with this site, this book has helped me tremendously in understanding his triggered episodes. I would like to share a passage from this book in hopes that it can help you couples struggling with the effects of CSA or even those contemplating starting a relationship in the future...

"Part of any relationship is dealing with the trials each of you goes through in life. Your trial right now is sexual abuse, but it might have been some other grief. Your partner could have become sick and died. You might have developed a debilitating disability. You might have lost a child or been unable to conceive one. There are many tragedies and challenges in life, and you don't get to choose which ones cross your path. At least with sexual abuse, you're dealing with a problem which can be, to a large extent, resolved...You can choose to fight or you can walk away. Walking away doesn't guarantee that you won't be thrown another wild card in the course of your life -- you will be, inevitably."

God Bless!

"Wait, pray and try to take a stand wherever you can."

That is wonderful advice.