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#358150 - 03/31/11 12:08 AM I Need Guidance and Advice
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
I'm concerned about the welfare of my 12 year old nephew. He lives with my sister and his step father who is a problem. My brother in law is extremely controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive, particularly to my sister and nephew. These were patterns he developed from his family, his dad was a mean alcoholic who abandoned the family, his mother was abusive and also abandoned her children for a new relationship. It's no wonder my brother in law is so angry, who wouldn't be.

Yet he's not done anything to try to fix himself or understand his dysfunction. This is a man who's always pissed off about something or someone. He's one who never takes responsibility for anything he does wrong, it's always someone else who's doing something to him. He uses convoluted reasoning to justify his beliefs, and intimidation to get his way. He's been careful to stay within the confines of the law and has only been arrested once for spousal abuse. He and my sister were remanded to counseling by the court, Christian Counseling because he was mistrustful of the secular therapeutic community, he only went because he had to and when he satisfied his parole went right back to his old behavior. He is a faithful “Sunday” Christian and believes in all the>


Edited by 1.healing (03/31/11 03:05 AM)
Edit Reason: spelling
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#358311 - 04/01/11 02:10 PM Re: I Need Guidance and Advice [Re: 1.healing]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
I would hope he could be strong enough to keep his head up. I think it's possible, definitly with him doing well in school. I would jus try to be as positive as I could around n for him. I'm sure he'll make it past that small-minded, aggressive thinkin.'

All the Best'

Jimmy

_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#358313 - 04/01/11 02:44 PM Re: I Need Guidance and Advice [Re: Tyler845]
ACRoberts Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/10
Posts: 242
Loc: New Jersey (recently moved fro...
Gary,

Your dilema really angers me and leaves me feeling powerless. I grew up in a violent atmosphere in addition to the sexual abuse. I appeared from the outside to be a normal, cheerful boy, but that was a result of the split I had when the most traumatic sexual abuse took place.

It sounds like your dad and you are doing the best you can for him. It is great that he has the two of you to give him the strength and support as well as being role models for him.

My suggestion is to keep loving him and keeping your eyes open for signs of problems that we survivors can identify easier than others. I send you safe hugs and my support.

Your brother,

_________________________
Allan
________________________
WOR Sequoia 2011--it has changed my life!

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#358554 - 04/04/11 02:00 AM HELP... I need some feedback! [Re: ACRoberts]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Thanks for sharing your perspectives with me. I've seen a change in my nephew in the last few months, I'm afraid he's feeling less like keeping a brave face and trying to stay above it all; like... What's the point if it doesn't make a difference, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I am very concerned about what's going on inside his mind and with his spirit, because he's good at putting up a convincing front, Allan, as you learned to do yourself. I'm certain that he's not been sexually abused, so at least there's that.

This coming Autumn my nephew starts middle school in a different neighborhood from where his elementary school is. I'm giving serious thought to getting a place near his new school. My idea is to have my elderly dad, who requires some assistance with living and my nephew come live with me there. Or taking on the care of Dad and at least being closer to my nephews school and life and having his own bedroom available for anytime he could spend with us there. I think it would be good for him to learn to take on more responsibility for himself and learn to be helpful with some of Grandpa's care too. Mostly I think it would be good for him to be out of that daily Hell his stepdad creates for my sister and him.

This would need to be a six year commitment on my part, to last at least until my nephew's off to college. I've lived alone for over 13 years, the change for me would be dramatic! I love my dad, but he can really be a challenge to be around at times, triggering depression in me occasionally. Then there's his fading health and memory, all important considerations. Have any of you been in a similar situation, how did it work out, what were the positives and negatives?

Gary






Edited by 1.healing (04/05/11 12:48 PM)
Edit Reason: grammer
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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