Well I've written about my Dear Mother so Now the first of many stories of my siblings has to come out, This is of My eldest Brother, He was 17 and I was roughly 4.5 to 5yrs old at the time, This story starts in the kitchen where my Mom had taught me how to cook atleast was teaching me.
Here I am trying to find something to do and decided to help my mom in the kitchen She didn't want my help and told me to "Go ask your Daddy if he wants anything and get out of my way boy" I go into the livingroom Hating the Idea that I have to talk to daddy cause on the weekends he's a mean Drunk, He sees me coming in the room " What the F do you Want Get the F out of my face" But daddy! Mom sent me to ask you if you needed anything and told me to get out of the kitchen! "I Don't Need a GD thing from Anybody" Go out and play, Just get out of my F'ing face! Well I go outside just glad to be away from him cause he's inclined to backhand you as soon as spit on you on these days. I go out on the front porch, ( I love this house) Big front porch and room to play everywhere, I'm walking around the porch and see my eldest brother, Well Hey theres Vester I think and go running, He's under the hood of this new car he's bought and is all greasy all over. He starts, Well what the F you doing out here ain't you supposed to be in the house helping Momma? She sent me to daddy to get him anything he wanted and he told me to get out of the house. I just saw you and wanted to help! Well He says " Theres not a MF thing you can do for me but stay out of my F'ing way, I'm working on my car and don't need nothing! I'll Help Vester I can get you stuff and still get out of the way. Well I'm gonna need tools so get me a wrench, I don't know what he's asking for so I hand him something he just cusses, laughs, and says yeah you can help. Now go get me a soda out of the tub on the back porch, bring you one too. Man it's so F'ing hot out here, "I need a Break" Well Now I'm helpin' Here I go getting my big brother a drink! The porch wraps around the side of the house and ends at the kitchen in a courtyard. I take Vesters drink back and there he is Man I'm so proud of him All grownup working on "His New Car" Look at Him Strong and tall Hes got to be a good man. Well Heres your soda Now what Let me see what your doing? He picked me up like I was nothing but air I'm a little old stick compared to this Big man, It just tickles me to be here helping him, Man this is Great! Look Squirt he says, " It's to F'ing Hot out here for me to work on this car right now. I'm gonna go cool off awhile. " Can I go Vester? Daddy told me to help you! Well Daddy gave me a new bedroom over the carriage house so if you'll be good and keep your F'ing hands off my stuff I'll let you see it. Hot dog this is Wow what can I say, Vester I won't touch a thing I promise.! You do and I'll beat your ass! you understand me? Yes Sir! I do ! I promise. Well by now you've got to understand I'm scared to death. He's gonna let me Go to his Room! Man I don't deserve this I'm so happy I hit the jackpot! Vester is the Best! Ok so we are walking up the stairs to his private room now, It's a long staircase up to his room and it's hard for me to hit the steps right so he picks me up lifting me a couple of steps at a time. We stop at his door, well Carl you promise to listen and touch nothing or I'll beat the hell out of you. I promise, We go in. Vester lays down on a small bed drinking his soda and talking I'm all over his room Hes a big model car buff and has them all over the shelves in his room, he picks one out for me to look at commanding me on what I can and can't touch. He lays back down on the bed I'm at the foot watching him (so Impressed at this man, my Brother!) He looks up at me " What you looking at? ) Just you Vester (smiling) Hey squirt! Wanna See a real Woman? See what Boobs and all look like? Come over here Put down that car and get over here! He pulls there papers out from under his bed not sure but later figured out they were girly mags, "I don't wanna see those things Vester I don't" He keeps looking at the mags and I see him rubbing between his legs, Hey come over here Carl, I don't wanna go but I know he'll get mad. Come over Here Carl! I'm scared , Really scared! Help me out here Just put your hand here and rub me, just rub me it's ok go ahead. Vester? It's Big! "I'm a man it's supposed to be. I'm scared Vester. Take it out, Here take off my belt take it out, I don't wanna, Take it F'ing out!
I've gotta shorten this story so I'm going to leave out alot here and just write the ending, I'm facedown, my head shoved in a pillow to prevent anyone hearing the screams, My God He's Killing me! He's Really Gonna Kill me! I can't Breath, I hear my moms voice " is everything alright up there? Vester tells me "Tell her your alright or I'll kill you!" Pulling my head up I yell down Everythings alright Momma thinking to myself, " shes gotta come save me. He shoves my head back into the pillow ripping and tearing me apart inside. I feel I'm dying inside and out now I give up fighting. Just let me Die I'm crying weak ..... After a few more minutes (feeling like hours) He finally stops orders me to put on my clothes and get out. Me throws me a dirty greasy rag and tells me, " go clean yourself up and remember If you ever tell anyone I'll tell daddy and then he and I will both kill you and beat momma again. I leave and go to the johnnyhouse with my rag I try to cleanup all the mess alot of blood and brown stuff I can't get it clean, I use my underwear and finally get to where I'm pretty clean and leave the toilet and go to my bedroom quietly. I survived.

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searching for hope.