Still going to therapy, still trying to figure out how a husband of 25 years and father of five (that's me) can have such strong SSA urges.

Spiritually, I'm so confused. I was raised to be a Christian with all the traditional beliefs. I feel very abandoned by God and wonder if He's even there, though in my head I know He supposedly never leaves us nor forsakes us. Those beliefs have me thinking that acting on the SSA will lead me to hell. But isn't that what THIS is? Every damn day?

I read an article online today. Go to www.centurylink.net/news and read the article on hell. Interesting food for thought.

Peace,

John

John:
The ssa or thoughts of penises are likely tied in more with the imprint the abuse/abuser put on you way back when. It is different from homosexuality. I would say that about half of the survivors I work with have these disconnected thoughts about penises and do not have a romantic yearning (such as being in a relationship with a man or wanting to be held, etc) to the penis' owner.

I can't go really into detail but it's laid out in my book. If you want to do some searching, there are probably some posts I did on the subject in this forum over the past few years as I was working on the book and the concept.

Pleas go easy on yourself. You will be loved by those in your life for what you do with them rather than what goes on in your brain.

John,

I've been thinking a lot about SSA recently...and perhaps a way to overcome it. My theory is to develop close, intimate, nonsexual relationships with other men.

I wrote a post about this subject called, "Homosexuality vs. SSA". It might be worthwhile to read it - particularly Mountainous Buck's response.

Hope this helps, bro. Take care, buddy.

Bobcat

Hi, Bobcat.

I did read your post and responses. Very relevant and interesting to me. But what if it ISN'T ssa? What if it's the other? What happens then? What do I do with a family? Reading through it makes me wonder (and panic!). I need to reread it and give it some more thought.

Peace,

John

Hey IndianArtist

I belive I know how you feel. And from my personal history I have to concede a point to Ken Singer.

Well speaking from my perspective I'd label me as straight if I had to. (I don't like labeling) (What means I do often have heterosexual fantasies, these are good feeling, fulfilling fantasies, on the other hand i still sometimes have homosexual fantasies which always look basically the same and which do feel totally different, like a pressure release maybe, they don't fulfill, they can in now way be "good" or beautiful. And that's how I try to identify which fantasies are "real" fantasies. and which are connected to the abuse.

I wish you strength and clarity,
Gnuff