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#357601 - 03/24/11 09:19 PM Re: Is this normal too?? [Re: hopeandtry]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6542
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Well...thank you Hope, but given the indescribable trauma done, the public humiliation, the devastation all around, will ensure there won't be another...not anyone I trust again. Its funny, my ex says the same thing.

So in attempt to not hijack this thread away from the original question...I see nothing as 'normal,' and there will be no chance to "hit that wall again." I'm seemingly disqualified...as always.

_________________________
Stop expecting people to be other than what they are! You'll be so much better-off. [Christopher, age 10]

The Aftermath Video

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#357665 - 03/25/11 02:24 PM Re: Is this normal too?? [Re: Still]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
Quote:
My ex-wife was ultra-supportive until one particular day when she fully gave-up. My progress stopped dead. Further trauma was done. I believe her support was conditional...conditional that once we found smooth-sailing, any future rough waters would not be acceptable.


I think the hardest thing in supporting a csa survivor is to not make it conditional. When I found out and realized what had been going on, I was very, very hurt. Not because of the actions, but the betrayal, the lies, etc. We are doing fine right now but I'm on my guards because I do expect him to relapse into old behaviour and I'm trying to get prepared for that.
Initially told him, if anything like that (acting out) happens again, I'm gone. But when I read here in the forum, I don't think that was a good thing to say, so when time comes I may have to reverse that statement.
But it's tough to know that your partner may cheat again in the most despicable way, and wil also just hurt himself by doing it.
And frankly it also lowers my commitment to monogamy, cause I'm not getting much intimicay these days but I also have my urges and sometimes I think 'heck, why shouldn't I have a nice meal outside when he does?'

What helps me on a bad day is telling myself how difficult it must have been for him to open up and tell me and that I will destroy a lot if I make my support conditional.
But still, for us spouses it's also damn hard.


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#357675 - 03/25/11 05:55 PM Re: Is this normal too?? [Re: Shawushka]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6542
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Yeah...I can imagine the pain in him acting-out in the past and worrying about the future. Acting out was not ever an issue between my wife and I. She tossed me for just being a survivor and not telling her till I was ready.

_________________________
Stop expecting people to be other than what they are! You'll be so much better-off. [Christopher, age 10]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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