Well I hope I'm putting this in the right place. Hi I'm Carl and heres my Story. I'm not gonna sit here and list ever time a full grown man raped and or beat me but I will tell you about two of my earliest experiences. I have only two other prominent memories of life in my mind before this one.
I was some where between three and four yrs old. I'd stayed home with my mother that day remembering my dad saying he's to young to work in the fields so you keep him here sis ( my Mom) and my day going off pretty much a normal day. This day she taught me how to work in the kitchen, how to use the wood stove, wash dishes, boil water things like that I remember her standing me on a stool so I'd be able to reach the pot on the stove. After my lessons for the day I was put down for a nap. I was awakend by Mom standing over me in her bedroom and she had a funny look on her face. She picked me up and took me to what I'd call today a dressing table and she was telling me she had to clean me up before Daddy got back from the fields. She went through the regular process of washing rinsing and drying my butt but then with that same strange look in her eye said You've got something in there and we better get it out. She pulled a blue velvet pouch out of the drawer or her dresser and told me to lay still then she proceeded to pull out these long shiney bars laying them on the dresser beside me, She raised my legs and started messing with my butt again telling me to hold still. She took one of the rods and started sliding it in my butt, Man this hurt, I tried to pull my legs down but she grabbed them and popped my butt telling me she would beat me if I didn't lay still and started again. This only went on for a minute I guess but it seemed like forever. While this was happening to me she kept smiling and playing with my other part, telling me it was ok and to relax. Well in the midst of this I heard the front door open and in came Daddy, Man he was Mad, He screamed at my Mom "What the F do you think you're doing to him?" He grabbed me off the dresser and threw me into the hall yelling it was my fault and that he was gonna kill her because of it! My eldestt brother watched the whole thing and was told to take me outside before he (Dad) killed me too. For the next half hour I heard my Mom screaming and crying and the slaps and more screams coming from inside the house. As for me. My brother took me outside to my sister and three other brothers whom were looking at me like I was stupid and started telling me that it was My fault that Daddy was gonna kill my mom and I'd go to hell for it. They circled my like vultures almost chanting the words He's killing her because of you. Why did you Do this Why. Over and over in my ears. All I could do is laydown and cry. Later I was put to bed with no supper and don't remember seeing my mom for the next few days. I'm not sure How I felt then or today about what happened that day. I get really confused by everything that happened.

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searching for hope.