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#356942 - 03/17/11 10:28 PM Re: Where do I go? [Re: Lost Spark]
surflife2007 Offline


Registered: 01/19/11
Posts: 43
Lost spark: you took the words right out of my mouth.


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#357000 - 03/18/11 01:06 PM Re: Where do I go? [Re: Lost Spark]
wayne9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
Lost Spark....Yes I missed her but was more concerned with was she alright. I felt guilt for putting her in a place where we had grown closer together. We have been friends for 30 years. Her husband had passed we starting dating then I tell her about my problems. She is very understanding. As far as my feelings, I think its more of a relief somewhat because I feel I have to work so hard at being in the relationship. My T has said I have ssa, I am co-dependent, I have a bad porn addiction that I am working on and somewhat successful right now. I struggle with a problem of not wanting to be away from my close friend (male but not a sexual relationship)very much. We have been friends for more than 20 years. He is single and we spend a great deal of time together. I know this is not a normal thing for two grown men to do but we have been there for each other for so long. When I am with Her I worry about is He lonely or does he have anything to do. When I with Him I worry am I neglecting Her as in being in a relationship. I know its a messed up life but I am so use to it being that way I feel uncomfortable when its different.

Tim



Edited by wayne9 (03/18/11 01:20 PM)

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#357003 - 03/18/11 01:58 PM Re: Where do I go? [Re: wayne9]
NOLA Girlfriend Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 16
Hi Wayne9, Thanks again for your insight, especially that last sentence. I often wonder why someone who recognizes that the current situation is "messed up" would or may find it tempting to choose to maintain the status quo instead of breaking free. Your last sentence reminds me of that saying, "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't." I applaud your efforts in trying to break out of that comfort zone and wish you the best. smile


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#357016 - 03/18/11 03:29 PM Re: Where do I go? [Re: NOLA Girlfriend]
aloved1 Offline


Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 65
Loc: Texas
Thank you Wayne and Robbie Brown for your insight! Wayne, your input about it being hard work in the relationship makes a lot of sense. On top of the shame and guilt that my boyfriends says he expresses at things, including pushing me away, he has made comments about not having to bring me into his cruel world. That he'd rather go at it alone. But I know in my heart of hearts that he doesn't truly want to be alone. We have tried breakups but we always find our way back to each other and are at 4 years together now.

Robbie Brown, thank you for saying what you said. I love him so much and am not here to hurt him in any way. I am in this for the right reasons. I have faith in him and in this journey, and the steps he's taken encourage me just as much as I hope I'm encouraging him.

Lost Spark, well said! I do feel that sisterly connection on here. It is a unique sisterhood that I'm sure all of us wish we weren't a part of, but as I've stated before, we are here for a reason. And I'm just thankful for this site and to "meet" people like you to know that I am not alone. Thank you ladies! And to you survivors for your input. I wish you all the best of luck on your journeys!!!!


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#357024 - 03/18/11 05:45 PM Re: Where do I go? [Re: aloved1]
wayne9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
I know to an outsider this looks crazy but even though I want my life to be normal I fear the change from what is "my normal". At 49 years old I guess I have grown accustom to what my life is. I really think what hurts is that I have always excelled in most aspects of my life. I am successful in my business, I have a great group of friends, I have hobbies that I am good at. But failing when it comes to personal relationships really hurts my confidence. What I am about to say may be too personal or to explicit for some so I apologize....When in a relationship with a female, when it gets to the point of sex I am a failure. I have no problems with erection it's ejaculation that I have problems with. Most times it never happens and then I feel so down on myself. I seem to fall into a downward spiral for days after this happens.

Tim


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#357028 - 03/18/11 06:20 PM Re: Where do I go? [Re: wayne9]
NOLA Girlfriend Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 16
Hi Wayne9, My guy has issues with sex, too. To be honest, it really bothered me at first. I thought that it was a rejection of me--that he didn't find me desirable. But, since I've become aware of the symptoms and issues with CSA, it honestly doesn't bother me at all. I love him and want to be only with him. If it gets to the point, through recovery, that we can have a sexual relationship again, that would be great, but I also can see me having a great future with him without it. He's so much more to me than that.


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