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#356233 - 03/11/11 06:44 PM emotional incest resource?
TwoStep Offline


Registered: 01/02/11
Posts: 31
Can anyone recommend to me a good source for information on emotional incest (mother/son)?

I need to learn more about this. I understand that there are those who question the "validity" of this form of incest, but I am not educated yet.

I would also appreciate any insight anyone has. I am beginning to think that CSA was not the only tragedy inflicted on my BF.

His mom just passed away. I really liked her, only got to know her after she was ill. But his response to her passing and things that he has done/said lead me to believe there was something...too emotionally entangling.

I am feeling very discouraged.


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#356237 - 03/11/11 07:01 PM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: TwoStep]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
I would recomend the book Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#356248 - 03/11/11 09:47 PM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: TJ jeff]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 677
This is a messy issue, for I've lived it. But "The Emotional Incest Syndrome" by Dr. Patricia Love is a very well laid out book for both identifying and changing these roles. Her biggest homework for people: get it out of yourself---write it out, talk it out until noone will listen, just get it out of yourself.

This was the clearest book on emotional incest I've ever seen. She repeatedly calls it as it is, and I heartily recommend it.

Alfred


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#356256 - 03/12/11 12:42 AM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: fhorns]
TwoStep Offline


Registered: 01/02/11
Posts: 31
Thank you both very much, I will check those out.

Alfred, you say you've lived it. Any advice for the girlfriend? He (we) had just begun to talk about his CSA (his perp was a female) and he got Lew's book and I got a couple of books...he was ready to look for a T who could help...and then everything happened with his mom and I am trying to get my arms around so much. He says he is completely lost. It has only been a couple weeks since she passed, I am trying to just lie low and let him come to me as he feels ready. It has been tough, and ugly at times as the things as I figured out what the deal was.


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#357335 - 03/22/11 11:31 AM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: TwoStep]
NOLA Girlfriend Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 16
I'd love some more insight from a survivor of emotional incest as well. My boyfriend just had a breakthrough in therapy that he was a victim of emotional incest (mother/son). His immediate response (literally, minutes after the session was over) was to lash out at me for being "just like his mother," "needing him instead of wanting him," and having no sexual chemistry between us, among other verbal assaults. I tried to explain that I am not--and will never be--"just like his mother," but he was so angry that he wasn't ready to hear that. I know that he's angry at her and the situation and that I shouldn't take it personally, but it's frustrating to be the target of his displaced anger and transference. Right now, we are taking a break. I'm hoping that some cool reflection and therapy will allow him to understand that he is projecting things upon me that aren't based in reality. I love him very much and I'm ready to stand by him through his journey through recovery, and to give him the support and distance that he needs, but I'm concerned that he is going to end "us" before he realizes that "us" wasn't the problem. In the last few weeks, it's been difficult to recognize him as the person I've been with for over 8 months. Any advice or insight would be most welcome.


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#357514 - 03/23/11 11:26 PM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: NOLA Girlfriend]
TwoStep Offline


Registered: 01/02/11
Posts: 31
Hi NOLA.
I am sorry about your bf's anger. I hope he figures it out. I am pretty sure (ok, I am sure) my bf has not come to terms with his relationship with his mother. I am so not looking forward to that day. He just started with a new T, we'll see what happens.
I too am hoping for some more insight.
TwoStep


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#357592 - 03/24/11 07:34 PM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: TwoStep]
NOLA Girlfriend Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 16
Thanks, TwoStep. We had no contact for a few days and he had a chance to process what happened in that session and with me after it was over. We've had one telephone conversation and a few emails, but he is sounding like the man I fell in love with. I hope that your boyfriend's new T works out for you both.


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#358011 - 03/29/11 11:10 AM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: NOLA Girlfriend]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 677
TwoStep,

I spoke too soon. I spoke like I had overcome its affect; I haven't. I even avoided responding when you replied for I've started EMDR with my present T, and stuff is slowly and (safely) unraveling, mostly subconciously. I'm doing it because I don't have the tools to handle all the stored emotions from growing up in the chaos.

I'm sorry I miscommunicated. I have a number of traumas, big and small, and choosing to look at it with my eyes open is never easy. However, the book I recommended does have a bunch of practical guidelines. I found her an easy read, for it was her own personal background she spoke of. Very hands-on.

Alfred


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#358023 - 03/29/11 03:15 PM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: fhorns]
TwoStep Offline


Registered: 01/02/11
Posts: 31
Hello Alfred -

I appreciate you following up and no worries. My bf has a number of traumas as well, and I certainly don't believe I am aware of all of them. He has a new T about whom I am optimistic and I have ordered the book you suggest.

I hope my bf has as much courage as you have in unraveling the chaos and looking at it with open eyes.

TwoStep


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#358379 - 04/02/11 01:27 AM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: TwoStep]
Neverquit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 147
Loc: Ohio
Most of these books have already been recommended but searching emotional incest into amazon yielded promising results. Ive also heard good thinkgs about emotion incest by pratricia love. I have it but I havent read it.. maybe its time I open it up.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=emotional+incest

Its very promising reading about how girlfriends care to this extent about their boyfriends. It helps challenge all my negative beliefs my mother instilled in me.

Good luck with your journey,
Grant

_________________________
There is always hope

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#359373 - 04/11/11 10:32 PM Re: emotional incest resource? [Re: Neverquit]
Keeptrying Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 50
The best book that I read about this subject is by Kenneth Adams "silently seduced when parents make their children partners". You can find it on Amazon.

Keeptrying


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