this is tearing me up inside.....
this internal battle that is going on with that survivor side of me and the loyalty i have for my friend/brother.
i read your replies and i feel that pain. i know that pain. it's been with me too. i respect/care/love you guys so much that it pains me to read your hurts and pains coming through. it's like i went through it with you guys too.
then i see my friend/brother who is doing everything he can to right the wrong. the same guy who has treated me golden ever since i've known him. the guy that has treated me better than anyone else i've known. the guy that has always been there for me both day and night. the guy that has protected me. took care of me. been there for me when nobody else would, including my actual family. the guy that was at the hospital next to me the whole time i was there when i had surgery and nobody else was there, not even family.
this is my struggle and i feel all your pain here and feel like i'm betraying that pain because i'm supporting him too.