So I'm driving to work the other day, and the car radio starts playing "Imagine." I got to thinking about John Lennon and his murder. After he was shot, Yoko cradled his head in her lap as the police car rushed them to the hospital, where he was DOA. And I'm thinking that wouldn't be half bad; someone shoots me, so I don't have to blame myself, then my wife cradles my head in her lap and comforts me as I just drift off.
It could happen tomorrow, and in fact I'd probably welcome it. I'd like to leave before I do something else that would hurt and betray my wife. I'd like to know she still loves me when I leave this place. Just don't know how much longer I can keep this up, fighting these urges, and risking my health, career, and most importantly family.
IDK. I'm not suicidal; I just want relief. Anyway, just thinking about stuff...