Newest Members
Jay1159, jon-jon, want more, pgh15217, Barracuda312
12343 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
GeneF48 (66), kun wang (32)
Who's Online
4 registered (I Want 2 Thrive, Greg56, Obi, 1 invisible), 26 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12343 Members
74 Forums
63439 Topics
443464 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#355954 - 03/08/11 07:54 PM being a child
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I think it's so easy to miss the gravity of the weight that is on a child who is being sexually abused and cannot tell anyone.
Even now as an adult....I don't want to recognize and validate the burden that I carried....
In "Emotional Sobriety" by Dayton....she talks about the child has no ability to process this stuff....the part of the brain that is rational has not even developed yet.....
So the child is like a blind person....absolutely depends on the adult to guild him/her....Also described -the child is without a self....and will borrow the self of a parent of adult and wear it around.....How vulnerable we are as children..

Also the idea of being in another country ....not being able to speak the language and trying to figure out what is going on by reading the faces....and watching body language to get a sense of weather you are safe or not......
This helped me to GET IT when they talk about not having the language or words to describe whats happening.....
For me it swung from a violent chaotic madhouse to deafening silence......I never realized that I felt like I did when I was traveling and had to figure things out by watching facial expressions and body language....wow the effort.....
This awareness seems good because now I have a language to describe what it was like........




Edited by RecoveryReady1 (03/08/11 07:57 PM)

Top
#355966 - 03/08/11 10:31 PM Re: being a child [Re: RecoveryReady1]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
sometimes it's hard to express the past even with the language skills. You are right about reading body language and faces as a means to understanding. It was all very confusing as children.

Anthony

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

Top
#355969 - 03/08/11 10:49 PM Re: being a child [Re: Anthony39]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
when I think of the child....looking up and trying to figure it all out and having so little resources....I feel a strong surge of energy to say....I can fucken talk now....I don't have to read your faces now....I have a voice and I'm going to use it....I am not going to wait for you to define me....I am not going to wait and be in reaction to you.....
When I see how hard it was for the child....I see the resources I have now at my disposal.....and I feel I owe it to the child who put his whole heart and soul into doing his best....
Least I can do is to put in the same efforts

Seeing how helpless I was makes me aware of the strengths I have now...
When I saw the image of myself ...struggling just to understand and try to feel safe.....It motivates me to get off my ass and use what I have now...to speak up.


Top
#355970 - 03/08/11 10:50 PM Re: being a child [Re: Anthony39]
jurek Offline


Registered: 08/23/10
Posts: 130
Loc: New Hampshire
Wow, great insights. Too often, I think, we look back at what it was like to be a child from our current adult perspective. We can't help but do that, since we are now grown up with fully functioning, if impaired, brains and understandings. I've beat myself up forever about willingly going along with abuse. But now I'm starting to see that there can't be willing participation when you are not developed enough to know what's going on.

And the deafening silence after the chaos. It's just made the chaos echo throughout my whole life.

Thanks,
George

_________________________
-jurek

Jurek ogorek, kielbasa i sznurek, kielbasa uciekla, Jurek do piekla!


Top
#355971 - 03/08/11 11:11 PM Re: being a child [Re: jurek]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
Originally Posted By: jurek
Wow, great insights. Too often, I think, we look back at what it was like to be a child from our current adult perspective. We can't help but do that, since we are now grown up with fully functioning, if impaired, brains and understandings. I've beat myself up forever about willingly going along with abuse. But now I'm starting to see that there can't be willing participation when you are not developed enough to know what's going on.

And the deafening silence after the chaos. It's just made the chaos echo throughout my whole life.

Thanks,
George



Top
#355972 - 03/08/11 11:13 PM Re: being a child [Re: jurek]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
Thanks George and Anthony

Yup....I agree, that is the truth......It's so easy to fall into distorted thinking and beating ourselves up....We need to be constantly reminded of the truth.....and to be set free.
Thanks for your thoughts....I needed to hear them....we, as survivors need each other...
Otherwise, it echoes through our lives.....very well put.
Regards,
Steve


Top
#355973 - 03/08/11 11:15 PM Re: being a child [Re: RecoveryReady1]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
sorry about the quote George, was trying to quote your post...and ...well.....this is what happened....I'll figure that out at some point...lol
It wouldn't let me delete it.




Edited by RecoveryReady1 (03/08/11 11:18 PM)

Top
#356016 - 03/09/11 12:26 PM Re: being a child [Re: RecoveryReady1]
oldguy Offline


Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 61
Loc: st louis, MO
This topic really got to me. I haven't looked at my little one and considered that his brain was still developing. Makes me more empathetic to his plight. Thank you, Oldguy


Top
#356052 - 03/09/11 09:47 PM Re: being a child [Re: oldguy]
vachssfan Offline


Registered: 03/08/11
Posts: 58
Loc: TX
RR1:
"I feel a strong surge of energy to say....I can fucken talk now."

this hit me hard.

i feel the same way. but what you expressed is more empowered and positive. i also feel the need to scream that i'm not a little kid anymore and that i am (while not big) strong. and a grown man. and i know how to fight. and that i will. and that i WISH that motherfucker would try and lay his hands on me again so i could break them off and fucking feed them to him.

how do you get passed that rage?

i've read a few *forgiveness* threads since i've been digging on the site and i don't want to throw my hat in that arena. it isn't an option.

how do i say something that is positive like that? b/c I *CAN* feel that way. but no without the other side. idk... didn't mean to hijack this...

_________________________
www.memoryisaghost.blogspot.com/

Top
#356062 - 03/09/11 10:47 PM Re: being a child [Re: vachssfan]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
vachssfan,
I here you! Sounds good to know that you are ready willing and able to protect yourself from that trash....Right on!
This came to mind when I read your post...so I'll write it...
When I was a kid, I was terrified to tell my father or brothers anything...once I told my brother some guys had scared me and he said "come on" and ran out the door, we found one guy in the neighborhood ...he threw the guy to the ground and kicked him in the face many times....lots of blood...I was about 11 yrs old.....
And my father scared me even more.......

I went to him looking for support, what I got was frightened...
I don't want to do that now to my child....when he tells me his hurts...I want to be there for him...first and foremost....
I want him to know that he is most important and I will be there for him....same as I wanted when I was a kid.....

I appreciate your response....thanks for saying it....
All the best
Steve


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.