I recently got suicidally depressed and decided to check myself into a hospital. I'm better now, but in the hospital I attended a therapy group in which I was given a hand-out with this (Just the watermelon part):

http://youcanheal.blogspot.com/2009/09/wally-amos-watermelon-credo.html

When I got to the "N" I felt all this shame come up.. because it felt like it was telling me I was bad because I got raped.

Yeah, maybe that's not what the idea was, but that's just how it came across to me. I stormed out of the group and complained. Do you think I was just being over-sensitive?

No I think that might upset several men here.

Frankly, I’m impressed you made it to “N”. From the start this so called wisdom is over simplification in thought and wisdom. For it to suggest the there is a path to healing through “Polly Annie” thinking, not by doing the hard work required, is ridiculous even harmful. Plus in my book this is just another way of someone saying “Just get over it”.

Jaifian, I don’t believe you were being “over sensitive” I believe they were being “insensitive”.

I can see how this sort of 'optimism manifesto' would be something that triggered you, that "N" statement would have triggered me, too. The "if you believe it, you can achieve it" mantra has its place, but it can only take you so far. It's important to remember that you didn't "become" a victim in the transitive sense. None of us chose that for ourselves. You were victimized and that is one situation in life you don't have to feel responsible for.

You don't have to accept prepackaged advice from a handout, especially from a dude who is mostly just famous for making chocolate chip cookies--something anyone can do, really.

I too found this a bit "too cute" for me in the presentation. Part of empowerment is being able to reject that which does not fit. Jaifian, you have the right to reject what does not fit your healing road. We all do.


Daryl

I too found this a bit "too cute" for me in the presentation. Part of empowerment is being able to reject that which does not fit. Jaifian, you have the right to reject what does not fit your healing road. We all do.


Daryl

This reminds me that when I was in the boy scouts, we would all sit around and especially the older scouts would pass jokes around the circle. They were the same jokes over and over. There was one about a watermelon. Now that I'm older and (supposedly) have more sense, I realize that the joke was about a form of abuse!

Allen

Allen,

That is so sad but what else would sick fools like that do?

Having been on the road to recovery, what if the perpertrator no longer is alive today? I can't help sometimes but wish otherwise.

Mdum@ne,

Do you feel somehow cheated by your abuser/assailant not being alive? Mine were strangers so there will never be any type of face to face closure.


Daryl

Thanks everyone. I feel better now knowing it wasn't just me.

A couple of those who remained after I stormed out told me later that they were then subjected to a game of "self-esteem bingo".. so I guess it wasn't ALL shame and platitudes.. there was .. "self-esteem bingo(!)".

"self esteem bingo?"

That sounds positively soul crushing. Bingo is for children, old church ladies, and people who have the unfortunate fate of attending a baby shower.

I wish our mental healthcare system didn't make people put up with humiliating crap like that and actually treated adults like adults.

You just spit out a good deal of watermelon seeds!

Jaifian, maybe you could talk to whoever runs this group or even the director? Share with him how it feels to be treated -to such things. I hate that part myself - having to explain to experts how I feel concerning a lot of things. I just wish they knew more about ASA. Makes me want to chew nails and then spit hard enough to shoe a horse.

But if we do not...who will?

Hope the day is a better one for you.


Daryl

These are positive statements it seems. The "n" says never give up, I sure have been tempted to but won't. It also says don't become a victim. I think realizing and understanding that what we experienced was in fact abuse and nothing else is healthy. But claiming the label or status of victim and never becoming anything more than that doesn't seem healthy. I believe we can overcome this. I was abused by an educator, my high school years were the pits and I eventually bailed on school.I don't want that to be the end of the story. If I decide to further my education now, it would be unfair to myself to say that all educators are abusive. I have just as much right and responsibility to become and grow as the next guy, survivor or not. I didn't feel stripped by the watermelon acronym. Attitude is huge. If I'm acting bitchy, I'm going to get a like response from folks maybe. If I'm honest and say I'm dealing with some stuff and feeling frustrated right now, I'm healing from the throngs of abuse and may just get support from those who are close to me. That type of thinking ushers me to shed the cloak of shame healthily without acting in the "fake it till you make it " mode. Plus for me, reading that kind of stuff is like a shot in the arm. I'll forget most of it anyway. Just my unsolicited opinion.
Keep going, Dan

I hit the button twice, and double posted, whoops!

dan (((((((((dan)))))))))))
well I care about you

that may be something you
might want to hear
your friend Michael joseph

you can have a hug or anything you need

Peace MJ