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#355765 - 03/07/11 02:12 AM watermelon
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
I recently got suicidally depressed and decided to check myself into a hospital. I'm better now, but in the hospital I attended a therapy group in which I was given a hand-out with this (Just the watermelon part):

http://youcanheal.blogspot.com/2009/09/wally-amos-watermelon-credo.html

When I got to the "N" I felt all this shame come up.. because it felt like it was telling me I was bad because I got raped.

Yeah, maybe that's not what the idea was, but that's just how it came across to me. I stormed out of the group and complained. Do you think I was just being over-sensitive?


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#355775 - 03/07/11 08:06 AM Re: watermelon [Re: Jaifian]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
No I think that might upset several men here.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#355778 - 03/07/11 08:42 AM Re: watermelon [Re: michael Joseph]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Frankly, I’m impressed you made it to “N”. From the start this so called wisdom is over simplification in thought and wisdom. For it to suggest the there is a path to healing through “Polly Annie” thinking, not by doing the hard work required, is ridiculous even harmful. Plus in my book this is just another way of someone saying “Just get over it”.

Jaifian, I don’t believe you were being “over sensitive” I believe they were being “insensitive”.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#355780 - 03/07/11 08:52 AM Re: watermelon [Re: earlybird]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I can see how this sort of 'optimism manifesto' would be something that triggered you, that "N" statement would have triggered me, too. The "if you believe it, you can achieve it" mantra has its place, but it can only take you so far. It's important to remember that you didn't "become" a victim in the transitive sense. None of us chose that for ourselves. You were victimized and that is one situation in life you don't have to feel responsible for.

You don't have to accept prepackaged advice from a handout, especially from a dude who is mostly just famous for making chocolate chip cookies--something anyone can do, really.

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#355832 - 03/07/11 06:57 PM Re: watermelon [Re: CruxFidelis]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
I too found this a bit "too cute" for me in the presentation. Part of empowerment is being able to reject that which does not fit. Jaifian, you have the right to reject what does not fit your healing road. We all do.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#355833 - 03/07/11 06:58 PM Re: watermelon [Re: CruxFidelis]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
I too found this a bit "too cute" for me in the presentation. Part of empowerment is being able to reject that which does not fit. Jaifian, you have the right to reject what does not fit your healing road. We all do.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#355870 - 03/08/11 01:12 AM Re: watermelon [Re: prisonerID]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6704
Loc: USA
This reminds me that when I was in the boy scouts, we would all sit around and especially the older scouts would pass jokes around the circle. They were the same jokes over and over. There was one about a watermelon. Now that I'm older and (supposedly) have more sense, I realize that the joke was about a form of abuse!

Allen


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#355934 - 03/08/11 03:15 PM Re: watermelon [Re: pufferfish]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Allen,

That is so sad but what else would sick fools like that do?

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#355936 - 03/08/11 03:30 PM Re: watermelon [Re: prisonerID]
Mdum@ne Offline


Registered: 03/08/11
Posts: 1
Having been on the road to recovery, what if the perpertrator no longer is alive today? I can't help sometimes but wish otherwise.


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#355958 - 03/08/11 08:45 PM Re: watermelon [Re: Mdum@ne]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Mdum@ne,

Do you feel somehow cheated by your abuser/assailant not being alive? Mine were strangers so there will never be any type of face to face closure.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#355978 - 03/09/11 12:15 AM Re: watermelon [Re: prisonerID]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
Thanks everyone. I feel better now knowing it wasn't just me.

A couple of those who remained after I stormed out told me later that they were then subjected to a game of "self-esteem bingo".. so I guess it wasn't ALL shame and platitudes.. there was .. "self-esteem bingo(!)". wink


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#355980 - 03/09/11 12:25 AM Re: watermelon [Re: Jaifian]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
"self esteem bingo?"

That sounds positively soul crushing. Bingo is for children, old church ladies, and people who have the unfortunate fate of attending a baby shower.

I wish our mental healthcare system didn't make people put up with humiliating crap like that and actually treated adults like adults.

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#355995 - 03/09/11 08:08 AM Re: watermelon [Re: CruxFidelis]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
You just spit out a good deal of watermelon seeds! smile

Jaifian, maybe you could talk to whoever runs this group or even the director? Share with him how it feels to be treated -to such things. I hate that part myself - having to explain to experts how I feel concerning a lot of things. I just wish they knew more about ASA. Makes me want to chew nails and then spit hard enough to shoe a horse.

But if we do not...who will?

Hope the day is a better one for you.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#356001 - 03/09/11 09:36 AM Re: watermelon [Re: prisonerID]
Dewey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 137
Loc: the sunshine state
These are positive statements it seems. The "n" says never give up, I sure have been tempted to but won't. It also says don't become a victim. I think realizing and understanding that what we experienced was in fact abuse and nothing else is healthy. But claiming the label or status of victim and never becoming anything more than that doesn't seem healthy. I believe we can overcome this. I was abused by an educator, my high school years were the pits and I eventually bailed on school.I don't want that to be the end of the story. If I decide to further my education now, it would be unfair to myself to say that all educators are abusive. I have just as much right and responsibility to become and grow as the next guy, survivor or not. I didn't feel stripped by the watermelon acronym. Attitude is huge. If I'm acting bitchy, I'm going to get a like response from folks maybe. If I'm honest and say I'm dealing with some stuff and feeling frustrated right now, I'm healing from the throngs of abuse and may just get support from those who are close to me. That type of thinking ushers me to shed the cloak of shame healthily without acting in the "fake it till you make it " mode. Plus for me, reading that kind of stuff is like a shot in the arm. I'll forget most of it anyway. Just my unsolicited opinion.
Keep going, Dan

_________________________
I refuse to use my past as an excuse to not have a future.
My hero Dad; Trigger warning- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

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#356002 - 03/09/11 09:36 AM Re: watermelon [Re: prisonerID]
Dewey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 137
Loc: the sunshine state
I hit the button twice, and double posted, whoops!

_________________________
I refuse to use my past as an excuse to not have a future.
My hero Dad; Trigger warning- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

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#356006 - 03/09/11 09:59 AM Re: watermelon [Re: Dewey]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
dan (((((((((dan)))))))))))
well I care about you

that may be something you
might want to hear
your friend Michael joseph

you can have a hug or anything you need

Peace MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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