I almost accidentally outed my H on Facebook the other day. There was a relevant post and I had a point to make. Mid sentence I caught myself and backspaced over what I wanted to say.
"WOW! Excellent post... We should all be so lucky to have a sensitive, sincere and respectful partner, as you are, as an ally in our own healing."
Thank you but, I didn't start out that way. It's taken 3 years of a lot of trial and errors, kicking and screaming, foot in mouth, gettin yelled a, yelling at others, etc, etc
"Out of the three, two women had sympathy..."
As Meatloaf sings: two out of 3 ain't bad.....
At a dinner party a man was talking about his wife'e CSA. I had to catch myself again because my first reaction was to say "My H was abused....he went to therapy....this is what worked, that is what didn't work....."etc.
My H was there and I just shut up and waited to see where he would go with it. He didn't. He was silent and that burns me up in a way but I have to respect his comfort level.
I don't like silence. I want to reach out.
I ended up making a short speech about how silence protects the perps and we as a society need to understand the sheer numbers of people who are abused and support them, men & women. My H understand my point there and that it was not directed at him.
I feel like I walk a tight line sometimes.