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#35551 - 06/20/02 08:00 PM Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
babs Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/01
Posts: 59
Loc: Cub Hill, MD
Hey guys--
A new female member to the forum,Concerned, asked this question:
Quote:
...is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with his step-father when in a hurry?
as part of another thread. I started a new topic so nobody missed this question. As another woman I have my own thoughts, but will keep them to myself because she is looking for your POV! So what do you think?

Babs


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#35552 - 06/20/02 09:07 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Everyone,
I got sick, then mad when I heard about this because it flashed me out!!!! When I was a kid and told that I had to take a shower...I would just start crying then I would dissocaite...NOW I KNOW WHY...SA always took place...what else should I say??????????? A PI would probe the house for sound and record it ...I would catch up with the guy and do some 3th degree work...My biker person kept a guy from NY for 8 days until he talked...then we took him to the police and stayed to make sure that he talked to them....I maybe a little to old and less wild but I do feel that this kid is being raped!!!

Eddie


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#35553 - 06/20/02 09:57 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I am reposting from the other one as well.

It is not appropriate for a 9 year old to shower with his stepfather, period.

I have known my stepson for over four years, he is eight. I may be hypersensitive, but I do not think it is appropriate for me to interact with him when he is nude, let alone when he and I are both nude! I am not even a blood relative, for God's sake!

I believe school age is past the age when even parents and children should be nude together, alone and in private (in America, at least, where we are ALL sexualized to some degree by the media).

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#35554 - 06/20/02 11:54 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
HI...I read the other tread and this one.....all I have to say is just how much of a hurry do you have to be in to break the law...I dont know about the state you live in...but in most states there is a law against a grown man taking a shower with a 9 y/o boy......maybe you should send copies of the e-mail to the DA, his comanding officer, as well as CPS....if there is any truth to this everyone needs to know.......this entire thing about being in a hurry realy bugs me BAD!!!!!! I mean I've been to wedding's, funeral's, awards ceramonties, family dinners..etc...and have never been in such a hurry that I bathed with my children....my wife maybe...but not my kids......I think you should yell and scream and yell somemore untill someone finds out just what is going on in this home..........I have to agree I think this boy is being raped.........
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#35555 - 06/21/02 01:23 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
the memory of showers gives me the creeps, at boarding scool we had big communal showers and some of the teachers had more than a passing interest in making sure we were using soap.
Kid's need privacy, I think it's possibly different to use a shower after a football game with others, but alone with a stepfather.....
No way
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#35556 - 06/23/02 01:08 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
concerned Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 7
Thanks for the responses, I didn't think I was crazy.

I just hope that maybe my yelling and screaming about this wrongness will maybe give my nephew the courage to speak up or at least realize that what is being done is wrong.

I have been looking into websites for mothers who have denied SA and who are now aware of it and dealing with their guilt. Maybe, they can give me some insite on how to deal and/or talk to my sister about this.

Thanks again, I look forward to any other advice you guys can give me. You have been great. Thanks for the support and good luck to all of you in dealing with your own hurt.

You guys may of had to deal with a tremedous hurt, but may be helping me help a child in need.

Thanks,


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#35557 - 06/25/02 02:48 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
I don't know the context in which her question is asked.
I notice in the answers a lot of pain relating to SA is triggered.

As an European and used to the existance of nudebeaches, nudists and sane adults having been children of nudists i am surprised, that there exists a law in the US against showering with a kid.
I try to understand this law. My guess is, the law is to prevent SA.
As an adult having experienced SA as a 3 yr old: told to hold the lid, been fondled, afraid for getting beaten, afraid for being shout at, i say RESPECT.

When i compare, showering as a 9yr boy with a stephfather, with what i experienced, i don't wonder what could be abusive in that scene, but i do wonder what would be abusive about that itself.

I think being a 9yr-old, when i feel respected and comfortable with the man and his nakedness and my privacy is not intruded it may even be fun.

I can imagine, that for a woman a naked man can cause strong feelings or reactions, but for a boy?

And how is that for naked women amongst eachother? Is seeing a naked woman comfortable with herself (doing nothing sexual) a threath to a girl?

Let me be clear: I don't want to give any man an excuse to force a boy to showering with him.
Too many times perpetrators question the abusiveness of their acts.

The expercience of SA and the pain caused by it often does relate to showering and nakedness.
We need healing from the pain, not from the showering or the nakedness.
In my opinion, SA is not showering or being naked together itself, it is the absence of respect of integrity.

Be honest reacting to me.


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#35558 - 06/25/02 03:52 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
tjcowden Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/13/02
Posts: 8
Loc: North Carolina
Just to get my 2 cents worth in. NO! IT IS NOT ALRIGHT FOR A 9 YEAR TO SHOWER WITH ANY ADULT! I have 2 sons ages 3 and 1 and my wife and I are divorced. If I learned that either of my boys were showering with an adult I would be down at the police station and getting a court order for sole custody!


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#35559 - 06/25/02 04:06 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Manchild
I see what you are saying but it's one hell of a fine line between being at ease with nudity and feeling overwhelmed.
I think that if there is a big age difference then the child might easily feel "obliged"
And I agree that when non family adults are involved then it's wrong.
It's a very lucky family that feels at ease with nudity.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#35560 - 06/25/02 06:28 PM Re: Is this normal for a 9yo boy to shower with Step-father????
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
If negative effects are prevented with "adults do not shower with kids, period" so be it. I like to add: we can't live upon rules alone. We can't catch the fine line of real situations in de>

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