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#355324 - 03/02/11 09:38 AM Just need to get it off my chest!
orangedolphin Offline


Registered: 03/02/11
Posts: 2
Loc: NC
Hello, I am a Sex survivor. It happened when I was 14 and went on for about a yr. I never went to any counceling or therapy. I have just bottled up the pain and have hid it well. My self esteem is extremly low. I have no confidense at all. Even though I have a successful career and a wonderful/ gorgeous wife. My problem is all this has lead to me exaggerating all the time when i am telling a story. I Lie about the stupidest things. I dont do it to impress others, I do it because it makes me feel better about myself. Is this Stupid or what? The good thing is I realize I have a problem. I have started thinking before I speak and caught myself befor I lie. I dont want this to destroy my family. My wife is understanding and wants to make things right.Im going to try and start some kind of therapy soon, so this should help.
Thanks for listening.


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#355332 - 03/02/11 11:18 AM Re: Just need to get it off my chest! [Re: orangedolphin]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Welcome to MS orangedolphin, you're among friends. Sorry you have to be here. I think you will find alot of people who can relate to you.

I used to lie alot as well, and sometimes still do about just stupid stuff. Is it stupid, yes, but it doesn't make you stupid. By lying, you keep people from getting too close.


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#355342 - 03/02/11 12:23 PM Re: Just need to get it off my chest! [Re: Riley]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
You've taken the first and probably one of the hardest steps. I remember it was horribly painful to me to begin to make those admissions, even here online where no one really knew me!

These kinds of things violate us to our very core, and destroy our sense of self. As a result, we compensate in any way we can, so no it isn't stupid, it makes complete sense!

One thing to note, career, success, and our wives don't define us, but you know what? Neither do the thing that people did to us!!!

You are a valuable and worthy human being, regardless of the past!

Keep moving forward! You've already started, and that's an awesome thing!


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#355353 - 03/02/11 02:26 PM Re: Just need to get it off my chest! [Re: JustScott]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Orange hope u r are doing ok

glad u were able to get some of it off your chest

mj

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#355376 - 03/02/11 03:37 PM Re: Just need to get it off my chest! [Re: michael Joseph]
Fred Quimby Offline


Registered: 03/01/11
Posts: 14
I have done that a little too. To bolster myself and feel better..it was a short lived happy feeling though.


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#355399 - 03/03/11 12:11 AM Re: Just need to get it off my chest! [Re: Fred Quimby]
jurek Offline


Registered: 08/23/10
Posts: 130
Loc: New Hampshire
Welcome Orange. You will find many people here who know exactly what you are talking about when you describe your struggles.

I used to never be willing to admit that I didn't know something, or hadn't seen a movie someone else mentioned, or read a book, or understood a word or... It was like I would be revealed to be a fundamentally, unfixably flawed person if whoever I was talking to knew I hadn't seen Forrest Gump. So I always lied. Wow, that was my default way of relating to everyone - I have to be perfect to hide the fact that I am worthless.

George

_________________________
-jurek

Jurek ogorek, kielbasa i sznurek, kielbasa uciekla, Jurek do piekla!


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#355410 - 03/03/11 07:55 AM Re: Just need to get it off my chest! [Re: jurek]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Orange;
Good to see you call yourself a survivor. I relate to what your going thru and sounds like you've identified a common issue among survivors.
I didn't want the abduction/assault to have happened so I lied about what happened. I was 19 years old and I minimized the evil event and even intermixed half-truths of the 24 hour hostage rape and torture. Change-up's in reality became automatic if it generated emotional, mental and physical discomfort throughout my adult life.
I unknowingly created a false persona. I told people not who I was but who I wanted them to think I was. A verbal bruchure of half-truths. I felt the change and was baffled as to why I lied. My brain chemistry was altered and I reasoned it was the marijuana and alcohol.
I supressed reactions/emotions and developed avoidence issues.
All of these were unhealthy protective measures to deal with the untreated sexual trauma.
I learned to rely on reality. I no longer embelished my daily activities and created mental/verbal sceanarios of half-truful versions of situations.
I viewed a simple lie as an unhealthy reward. My conversation changed when I became honest with myself about who and what I really am.
Orange, glad you found MS and I sincerely hope you find solutions, answers, understanding and survivorship like many of the men and family members here.

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#355499 - 03/03/11 08:00 PM Re: Just need to get it off my chest! [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
orangedolphin Offline


Registered: 03/02/11
Posts: 2
Loc: NC
Thank you all. Its good to here I am not alone which I knew I was not. Its good to be able to talk about things and not get judged. Thanks for the support. I have made a huge first step admitting I have a problem.


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