This inner colflict surfaced into my conscious mind many times during the untreated silent years, any memory or reference of places or situations and even object caused anxieties and avoidance/suppression. Some of the auto-response to memories or triggers were totally unconscious reactions that became normal.
Like the shower, after the abduction a simple shower for me was like 30 seconds, everyone who lived with me knows this. I never associated this to the fact that during the assault I came too in a bathtub and I took numerous showers to get a grip/clean during the night.
I never ate breakfast, couldn't, the man took me to a cafe' before he released me. Plus more, but all the unassociated ingrained behaviors and cognitive changes are baffling.
The truth does not always set you free, this was painful; mentally/emotionally and physically.
For decades my gut and bowel movements have been psychosomatically affected.
Shortly after I started to talk about what happened I felt a strong urge to go to the exact spot where the man approached and deceived me, the cafe' and find the house. Everything that is embedded in my memory of the event.
I couldn't go so I googled the places via satelite maps. I used the feature that put me walking on the street. I was able to look around and even zoom in/out on frames.
I've revisited at times over the past 3 1/2 years and when I sit and see, like the cafe' in real time--I go deep, with the energy and visualize in a eyes open trance remembering all kinds of stuff from my past.
It helped me identify more hidden trauma within and then correct it. The energy was very intense.
Today I can take a nice normal shower and objects, places or situations that triggered me have little or no effect.
Still working on the breakfast deal but now I use the google satelite for visiting world/national landmarks, like a cyber vacation on the ground.
All part of the journey to get rid of something and replace it
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"