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#357362 - 03/22/11 05:37 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Disappointed]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
"We still have a difficult thing going, but it is still going, and he trusts me more and more, but not in person. When in his dominant mood, he still gets very nervous around me in person, and does whatever he can to avoid me."


Well, that really stands out to me. Same in my situation...generally avoids being around me in person and he has given me the indication (perhaps even said outright) that I make him nervous especially in person. So, text and email and the occasional phone call it is!

P.S. I cannot figure out how to do quotes on here like everyone else does!!


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#357374 - 03/22/11 07:20 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: hopeandtry]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
Just an update on my situation:

Husband is leaving tomorrow morning for the Weekend Recovery (He has business meetings set around the area beforehand)... And, I know he's really looking forward to it.

I, on the other hand, am a big ball of emotions. Everything sets me off, knowing that my marriage is over.. He's out and he's happy. I guess I can respect that, not love it, yet, but I can respect it. I'm just heartbroken. 3 and a half years. Gone. And to go with it, our friendship... It suffered much of the blows, cheating, lying. I feel like the man I once knew, got to know, befriend and base our foundation on, is gone.

I have decided to not go to San Francisco and meet with him.. I'm staying behind. This was such a difficult decision for me to make. I love him so and want to be there for him, but it's going to be so painful. Hours spent in the car. Same hotel room for days. I don't think my heart and mind can take it. I feel so bad though, because I was supposed to be his ear. His ally. He's going to come back from this weekend, with clarity, new visions and so much more. And I won't be there...

I have mixed emotions and feel guilt and devastation and remorse for becoming such a victim.

That's all for now... a week and a half without him. How will I go on?

Today, I truly feel like my name...

Lost Spark

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#357375 - 03/22/11 07:53 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
sally123 Offline


Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 54
Lostspark, I am so sorry! Did you come to the decision together? Please take care of yourself during this time!!! We are all here supporting you!!!


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#357376 - 03/22/11 08:02 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: sally123]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
Hang in there...and know we are here to support you! Do take care of yourself like sally said. Can you find something to do that is just for you? Maybe rediscover yourself through an old hobby?


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#357453 - 03/23/11 02:26 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: hopeandtry]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I don't have all the answers.

Have you seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iHJfIH20TY

or this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1sXbnBmy8U&NR=1

Allen





Edited by pufferfish (03/23/11 02:33 PM)

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#357461 - 03/23/11 04:25 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: sally123]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
Sally, we didn't come to this decision together... It's just pretty much him telling me, "I'm gay... I'm sorry. That's all. I don't feel that way anymore.. I like men. I want a relationship with a man... It's how I've always felt..."

And that's pretty much it. He's got his shield up and doesn't really show anything to me. No emotion. No remorse. No true sincerity... And to just separate. I mean, what else is there to do?! He just keeps reiterating to me, "you'll find someone who can love you... a true husband... be strong..."

It just doesn't help at all... I had the rug pulled out from under me.

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#357463 - 03/23/11 04:36 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
Thanks Pufferfish..

We actually discussed the DID, and he reiterated to me, strongly, that it's not what he has. I never pushed it on him or really felt that way either, but, I guess he just wanted me to just accept that this is it I guess...

So many Acting Out episodes have happened in just the last 7 months or so.. Everything never came spiraling out of control like this... We've always dealt with his emotions. But, the cheating has just gotten worse. He went to meet with a 'regular' he always seeked out for 'acting out' in our area, this past Sunday. He said it was just to talk. he got personal. Told him what we were going through. His 'coming out' to me and the guy listens and sympathizes I guess. What does he do next? Asks my husband to come back to his place.

At his most vulnerable time and he gets propositioned. Yes, husband didn't reject it, but, he says he's not sure why he did it. He felt like, 'he owed him' for coming out to talk to him... He said he wanted to 'see what it's like' to be out now and explore? He gives me these reasons and "i don't knows' constantly... I told him he pretty much allowed himself to be 'abused' again..

He's cold with me. Not very loving AT ALL. I need comfort. Love and care. I've given him and shown him that, unconditionally, for years.. 15 years of being his best friend and 10 years of being his partner/then his spouse! Where's mine now? I'm out in the cold...

Forgive me everyone, but I am so angry... It's taken me 3 therapy sessions to finally say it. I am angry... hurt, furious and just in pain. And, sadly, I don't think he cares.. He just wants to move on.

Lost Spark

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#357489 - 03/23/11 07:03 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: pufferfish]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Allen,
I just viewed them. Very helpful. Integration fears: illuminating.

Thanks,
D.

_________________________
Female.

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#357494 - 03/23/11 07:22 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Disappointed]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Here's one with Robert Oxnam. Including footage of him rollerblading with the bottles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUDbB5zB9xY&feature=related

_________________________
Female.

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#357517 - 03/23/11 11:37 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Disappointed]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Disappointed
Here's one with Robert Oxnam. Including footage of him rollerblading with the bottles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUDbB5zB9xY&feature=related


That's a good one. Very helpful.

Allen


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