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#357084 - 03/19/11 01:24 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: pufferfish]
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
deleted


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#357085 - 03/19/11 01:30 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: cpt. confusion]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
Just a quick update to everyone.. My husband came out to me last night, completely. Said he is in fact Gay. That he just feels it. It's done. I'm pretty much done... Packing up some things as we speak to stay at my parents home for a few days, while they're away on a trip... I can't feel anything right now. Just pain. And anger...I need some time to grieve and just really reflect on all of this. I'm just broken right now.. Absolutely broken and abandoned.

Was I ever truly loved?


I'll update later... My love and hugs to all of you..

Lost Spark

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#357089 - 03/19/11 02:25 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Lost Spark
Just a quick update to everyone.. My husband came out to me last night, completely. Said he is in fact Gay. That he just feels it. It's done. I'm pretty much done... Packing up some things as we speak to stay at my parents home for a few days, while they're away on a trip... I can't feel anything right now. Just pain. And anger...I need some time to grieve and just really reflect on all of this. I'm just broken right now.. Absolutely broken and abandoned.

Was I ever truly loved?


I'll update later... My love and hugs to all of you..

Lost Spark


If he has DID/MPD and declared that to you, then what it means is that the particular alter or personality who was talking at that time was gay. The thought is that if he has other alters, which he apparently does, then they may not all be gay. You have to learn how to recognize his different alters and even learn how to talk to them as though they were different people. You have to relate to them separately as though they were different people.

Allen


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#357090 - 03/19/11 03:25 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Disappointed]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Disappointed
Dear Lost Spark,

I'm pretty sure I play "the game" with someone who has DID, or multiple personalities. From the beginning, it's been pretty clear to me, even though I didn't know what it was. He laid out markers very clearly.

Is it a "game"?
Is he, or one of him, a child?
Does one communicate better than the other?
Originally Posted By: Disappointed

I can tell you, in his case, that neither his dominant personality, NOR his game-playing personality, actually has ANY INTEREST WHATSOEVER in the person he "plays" with.

Is that you? Is it like a child playing a game, where they don't have a permanent interest in the "game"?
Are you too interested in your own interests to be able to cultivate the deep relationship with him which would draw him out?
Originally Posted By: Disappointed

He simply wants the activity, and doesn't care one whit who he gets it from, as long as he believes they are safe to play with. At the same time, he engages in duplicity with those he plays the game, in order to get them to play. If he has to tell them he's open to X, he'll tell them that. Then he'll backtrack after he gets what he wants.

Sounds like a child in an adult body. Are you talking about sexual games? How do you convince him that you are safe? Are you safe? Is it duplicity? or are there more than one alter "out" at at time? So he's playful? When he trusts you others may emerge.
Originally Posted By: Disappointed

Also, FYI, my friend's personalities have alot of conflict between them. They have VERY different desires and goals. They speak differently. They find different topics interesting. They each react differently to being touched or even having someone near them.

Of course they have conflict. That's how they were generated. It's like a little boy making play friends. He makes up one to 'send to the door to answer the dangerous stranger'. The other one hides under the bed. Then they go on from there. One becomes a 'door-going personality', the other becames an 'under the bed hiding personality'.
Originally Posted By: Disappointed

They will even speak badly of each other to me. No joke. Part of what I have spent time doing, is trying to discourage this, and encourage each part of him to appreciate the other. I don't like hearing a man tell me he hates literally his other half.

What are their names? Have you asked them?
Don't jump the gun. The last thing that happens is that they learn to accept each other and then coalesce. The smaller or the younger ones if you get to know them will be easy to deal with. They get coalesced first.
Originally Posted By: Disappointed

I don't know how many of them has, but I'm pretty sure he has at least 2, but wouldn't be surprised if he got one or two more. I know these two, and deal with them, on different levels, sometimes in the same conversation.

The pattern would be to have perhaps 2 outer or public personalities with a bunch of clandestine alters or personalities. A lot of them would be children. They would be very shy about going public. There might be a protector alter who is interested in maintaining the "system" and doesn't like to show himself. He will not be easy to find and he may try to trash your efforts at trying to penetrate the "system". Depending on how long the abuse went on, etc., there might be a bunch more alters.
Originally Posted By: Disappointed

Allen a/k/a Pufferfish suggested I read "Fractured Mind" by robert Oxnam. I have. It's very helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/Fractured-Mind-Multiple-Personality-Disorder/dp/1401308686/
Originally Posted By: Disappointed

As far as one personality taking over permanently, from my observations, it seems unlikely for a minor personality to take over permanently. A minor personality just doesn't have the strength to overcome it's much stronger competitor. Plus, a minor personality, in my limited experience, doesn't have the life skills to be the dominant personality. He seems to be a niche personality.
http://www.amazon.com/Fractured-Mind-Mul...0751&sr=1-1
I like my friend's dominant and weaker personalities. I like both of them. Each has his good points and weak points. I just really like them. They're both fun in their own ways.
D.

So you recognize those clear differences. There must be other differences. Those things are just how they relate to you personally. What are the other qualities? Make a secret list.

Allen


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#357237 - 03/21/11 07:21 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: pufferfish]
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
Post Deleted



Edited by cpt. confusion (03/21/11 07:21 PM)
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#357238 - 03/21/11 07:22 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: cpt. confusion]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
Pufferfish:

He says he doesn't have DID. Or any kind of Alter. He says its just him. That this is him. He's gay. I really can't say anything else. He's completely shut down on me. Unemotional. Stone faced. Only holds me or touches me if I ask... It's like he's checked out of 'us' completely. I think he has said every painful thing in the book to me, to pretty much tell me, he doesn't see me 'that' way anymore, it doesn't feel right anymore and that he wants to be with a man now. That this is it. He won't ever change.

How do I argue with someone compeltely different from who I met before. He's cold. Unhappy. Distant. His personality, habits and everything else about his demeanor has changed.

He leaves for the Weekend of Recovery this week. I'm still flying in on Sunday to pick him up from the retreat and be there as his friend, but honestly, I don't even see a speck of my friend in him anymore. That breaks my heart more. I miss my husband who loved me. Who was loving, caring, giving, emotional to some extent (I know Survivors are unable to fully express their emotions, I totally love and feel for you men) and who was my best friend in this lifetime as well. He's changed. Completely. He lies, habitually now. He acts out and sees men like nothing now. No respect for me. He says one thing and does another.

I'm trying to cope...but how?

He says the marriage is over I guess...

Love,
Lost Spark

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#357266 - 03/21/11 10:22 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
It's typical for DID's to deny that they have it. It's kind of built into the DID structure to deny. Secrecy. Maintaining a cloak of denial. And who knows. Since it's hard to spot, even for therapists, they might be right. Most of the guys in MS who have DID have the light kind called DIDNOS. They don't experience an amnestic alter (a secret alter) who goes out and buys toys or something. They remain basically the same person all the time but they might shift identity in a more subtle way. They can be in therapy for years and the T never sees but the one.

Allen


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#357281 - 03/22/11 12:12 AM Re: [Re: pufferfish]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6422
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
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Edited by Robbie Brown (03/22/11 11:14 PM)
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#357308 - 03/22/11 08:07 AM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Originally Posted By: Lost Spark

How do I argue with someone compeltely different from who I met before. He's cold. Unhappy. Distant. His personality, habits and everything else about his demeanor has changed.
....

He's changed. Completely. He lies, habitually now. He acts out and sees men like nothing now. No respect for me. He says one thing and does another.

....

Love,
Lost Spark


THIS is EXACTLY what I dealt with the first year I knew my friend. The habitual lying, the complete changes in demeanor, zero respect, saying one thing and doing another. But of course, I was coming at him from the opposite direction: being the person he wanted to play online and in person fetish games with.

It was very hard going, and I broke him of it. It took a very long time, and I was thrown like a rodeo rider off a bull, many, many, many times. We still have a difficult thing going, but it is still going, and he trusts me more and more, but not in person. When in his dominant mood, he still gets very nervous around me in person, and does whatever he can to avoid me.

He does have different personalities, and it's very hard to talk them differently because they are co-conscious. So whatever I say to one of them, both of them hears. It's like trying to cook a nice loaf of bread in a kettle of boiling soup. Impossible!

D.



Edited by Disappointed (03/22/11 08:12 AM)
Edit Reason: Clarification
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#357311 - 03/22/11 08:18 AM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: pufferfish]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
It's typical for DID's to deny that they have it. It's kind of built into the DID structure to deny. Secrecy. Maintaining a cloak of denial.

They can be in therapy for years and the T never sees but the one.

Allen



THIS is something I've wondered about. My friend was in therapy as a child (around 12?), and now in his late 30s for at least a couple of years. But I do get the impression the alters do not speak to the therapist.

Which makes me want to speak to them more.

Allen, as always, you are a great help.

D.

_________________________
Female.

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