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#356482 - 03/13/11 11:05 PM Re: He Keeps Cheating...(*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
timetoheal Offline


Registered: 02/13/11
Posts: 27
Loc: USA
post has been removed


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#356554 - 03/14/11 06:00 PM Re: He Keeps Cheating...(*TRIGGERS*) [Re: timetoheal]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
timetoheal:

I had a chance to read your response last night, before it was removed. (BTW, I don't know why it was removed. I'm not sure if maybe someone else took offense, or what have you)

I do appreciate your comments though. And, like you said, everyone does have their own opinions. And people will either do the same, close to it, or the opposite of me, depending on their situation. You can never really judge until you have been in the exact same situation or close to it. That's all I can say.

But, thank you. I did consider what you said. All we can do is have faith, reflect and hope that God, or whatever higher power you may believe in, guide us in the right direction. That's what I'm doing. *smiles*

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#356571 - 03/14/11 08:49 PM DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Dear Lost Spark,

I'm pretty sure I play "the game" with someone who has DID, or multiple personalities. From the beginning, it's been pretty clear to me, even though I didn't know what it was. He laid out markers very clearly.

I can tell you, in his case, that neither his dominant personality, NOR his game-playing personality, actually has ANY INTEREST WHATSOEVER in the person he "plays" with.

He simply wants the activity, and doesn't care one whit who he gets it from, as long as he believes they are safe to play with. At the same time, he engages in duplicity with those he plays the game, in order to get them to play. If he has to tell them he's open to X, he'll tell them that. Then he'll backtrack after he gets what he wants.

Also, FYI, my friend's personalities have alot of conflict between them. They have VERY different desires and goals. They speak differently. They find different topics interesting. They each react differently to being touched or even having someone near them.

They will even speak badly of each other to me. No joke. Part of what I have spent time doing, is trying to discourage this, and encourage each part of him to appreciate the other. I don't like hearing a man tell me he hates literally his other half.

I don't know how many of them has, but I'm pretty sure he has at least 2, but wouldn't be surprised if he got one or two more. I know these two, and deal with them, on different levels, sometimes in the same conversation.

Allen a/k/a Pufferfish suggested I read "Fractured Mind" by robert Oxnam. I have. It's very helpful.

As far as one personality taking over permanently, from my observations, it seems unlikely for a minor personality to take over permanently. A minor personality just doesn't have the strength to overcome it's much stronger competitor. Plus, a minor personality, in my limited experience, doesn't have the life skills to be the dominant personality. He seems to be a niche personality.

I like my friend's dominant and weaker personalities. I like both of them. Each has his good points and weak points. I just really like them. They're both fun in their own ways.

D.







Edited by Disappointed (03/14/11 09:17 PM)
_________________________
Female.

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#356627 - 03/15/11 12:54 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Disappointed]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
Disappointed:

Thank you for the insight.. I'm taking it all in and reflecting. Husband says that he took some assessment tests and really feels that this is not DID. Which makes him even more frustrated because he wants to really understand it.

He came out the other day stating stronger feelings of possibly being gay. He says he has strong attractions to men. And that females don't really attract him anymore. Physically, he said he's not able to be intimate with me. He's 'locked down.'

There's so much cloudiness and confusion. Where's the light? Is there any?

Is my husband gay? Or just really lost in the haze? My mind is spinning and i feel the physical act of someone shredding my heart apart. I'm trying to find strength. It's getting so much harder to, nowadays.

Thank you everyone for your support...

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#356640 - 03/15/11 02:42 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Dear Lost Spark,

They definitely do not have a good perspective when they are hurting.

As far as being homosexual, well, ask Avery46 a/k/a Donnie a/k/a DJSport. For a VERY long time, thought of himself as homosexual, then realized he is heterosexual....

Best wishes,
D.

_________________________
Female.

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#356673 - 03/15/11 05:29 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Disappointed]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
This is what happens: When a very small boy experiences abuse, the likelihood is that he will form DID (dissociative identity disorder). Several types of sexual abuse will produce a gay or homosexual alter (alternate personality) in the boy. Mother abuse also tends to produce a gay boy personality. They will have other alters which may or may not be gay.

Allen





Edited by pufferfish (03/15/11 09:36 PM)

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#356702 - 03/15/11 10:35 PM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: pufferfish]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
@Disappointed: Thank you for the information... I'll have to PM that member and hopefully he'll be willing to share a bit of his story with me..

Pufferfish: This may sound naive, but in what you have seen/heard, does the person who has DID, with a homosexual alter, 'choose' one or the other, or is there treatment to help with this condition? I'm grateful for your information and insight... As you can imagine, I'm lost here, but striving to understand as much as possible.

P.S.- You are all such gems of support and love. Thank you...

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#356704 - 03/15/11 11:05 PM Re: He Keeps Cheating...(*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
timetoheal Offline


Registered: 02/13/11
Posts: 27
Loc: USA
Lost Spark,

The post was removed by me. Though I had shared that what was said by me was only my opinion and to take what you want and leave the rest.
I just felt I should remove it, because I didn't want to make you or anyone else feel any worse or feel as though I was judging or come across as harsh. We all really do need support and that is always my intent whenever I reply to a post.
You have to do what is right for you and only you can make those decisions.
Good Luck!
smile timetoheal


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#356795 - 03/16/11 08:06 PM Re: He Keeps Cheating...(*TRIGGERS*) [Re: timetoheal]
Lost Spark Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 73
Loc: Chicago, IL
timetoheal:

I never felt anything by it and I appreciated your view. Thank you for your honesty and for consideration.

Husband leaves for his Weekend of Recovery next week, and I am happy for him, but fearful of what may happen afterward.

Call me selfish if you will, but I don't want to lose my husband at all. I've been here since day 1, stood by him and gone through so much. But, I just hold hope, that we can get through it all. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

_________________________
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." - John Lennon

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#356825 - 03/17/11 12:24 AM Re: DID or multiple personalities (*TRIGGERS*) [Re: Lost Spark]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Lost Spark
@Disappointed: Thank you for the information. does the person who has DID, with a homosexual alter, 'choose' one or the other, or is there treatment to help with this condition?


The damage is done to the little boy when he is a small child. It is like the Tsunami of child development. The choices were made for him by another person when he was too small to be responsible for making any choices at all.

Yes, it is treatable. A guy with DID can definitely be treated. DID is considered to be a treatable disorder. The different alters can come together during treatment. There can of course be some difficult emotions and memories to deal with. A competent therapist who understands the condition can help a great deal.

The process of therapy is well described in the book by Robert Oxnam: The Fractured Mind.

Allen


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