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#35499 - 03/11/04 03:31 AM At a loss
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I don't know what to say. I have been here, I have been trying hard to respond to people here, thinking it will help my head settle some. I do not know what to say. I feel I am needing something, and do not know what it is, or how to ask for it. I feel I am sliding down a hill. I feel like I am drowning, I feel my emotions are overwhelming me. I am feeling need to do stupid things, and am trying very hard not to, and it seems my other options are more limited sometime, and that I am so much out of my own control. I do not know even how I am trying to say what I am saying, or what I am trying to say. Sorry.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#35500 - 03/11/04 03:36 AM Re: At a loss
coolcat Offline
Member

Registered: 02/23/04
Posts: 109
Loc: Winnipeg MB Canada
Hey man:

Hang in there.We are all here to help each other.Take time for yourself, relax do somethingjust to take your mind off things for abit. We are here if and when you needs.Take care
Gus

_________________________
Take it easy, Don't that the sounds of your own wheels drive you crazy....
Gus

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#35501 - 03/11/04 07:02 AM Re: At a loss
parttimecop Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 139
Grab a rope, take a deep breath and breathe.

What has worked for me for some of the same feelings and what I am doing now is working towards a goal. I had that sinking feeling. I felt like a tool that had been forged wrong. Like I was made into a knife, but really was meant to be a sword in the core of my being.

Works towards a goal, any goal. Just focus on it as your anchor point. It is where your rope is tied, and where you are climbing to. For me I am working on loosing weight and improving my fitness so I can join the army and further change the man I have become. Just pick a place you want to be and work towards it. Focus on it, not where you are now. I don't like the person I am now, but am working to change him.


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#35502 - 03/11/04 07:15 AM Re: At a loss
LupinIII Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/04
Posts: 156
Your word sounded familiar to me...and it was strange to read my feelings coming from another...and the first thought that struck me was...well actually there were two thoughts:

1) Being lost and confused sucks, but I reckon it's better than being either in an abusive situation or wandering around acting dysfunctional and not knowing why.

2) "What you resist, persists" I wonder if the more we run around trying so damn hard to figure out what is eluding us, the more it eludes us.

I don't know if this helps, but man I hope you feel better.


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#35503 - 03/11/04 07:28 AM Re: At a loss
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
know your words of comfort help. they helped me, and i am sure they help others. together we can get through this, somehow, some way. one thing is abundently clear, we are in a roller coaster, and are in for many ups and downs before this ride is over.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#35504 - 03/11/04 09:59 AM Re: At a loss
arghilles Offline
Member

Registered: 07/26/02
Posts: 45
Loc: Stockholm, Sweden
Hey Leosha,

Your words to my posts meant a lot to me.
Don't be so hard on yourself.

Erik

_________________________
Erik

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#35505 - 03/11/04 10:01 AM Re: At a loss
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Brother Leo,

Just for today, don't do anything that could hurt yourself. You are SO very important to people here, Suzanna (sp? sorry), Alexei, your students, me, and the brothers here.

Just be here. That's all we ask. There's no shame in not having words. Sometimes, there are no words.

You need me, you can always reach me, bro. I care.

Peace (and quickly) and love, Leo.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#35506 - 03/11/04 12:38 PM Re: At a loss
tofeno Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/12/01
Posts: 18
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Dear Leosha

Haing read your honest words and the battel you are going thought to stay grounded, you have helped me. I too feel that I have all this time on my hands and I am sliping downwards. How do you stop and grab a hold of something? For me to constatntly remind my self that I am not alone, just writing this brings enormuse comfort. Best of luck on staying true to your self

\:\)

_________________________
The search for love continues even in the face of great odds.

bell hooks

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#35507 - 03/11/04 12:48 PM Re: At a loss
Brayton_dup1 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/09/04
Posts: 30
Leosha,

I am sorry to read that you are having a hard time. I have gone through these things, too. I know that I have tried to take on too many things at a time, I felt compelled to, wasn't really concious of it at the time.

Coming to the realization (with the help of others) that my number one priorty is finding for myself a safe place (in mind and/or body) has made a huge difference.

When things start to feel overwhelming I try to remember that. I am practicing it actually as a very important step in my recovery. I make mistakes (naturally) and engage in some behaviors I don't want to but I know (usually) that I can start again.

Each moment is a new moment. I've got to learn to stop judging myself. That is for me at this stage of recovery my primary challenge.

Safety is a big part of what was taken away from us. I understand that it is perfectly understandable that I will have to work very hard to get that back. A safety includes for me not judging everything I think and do. That is a lot different that understanding what is right and wrong.

I have to believe that these things are possible for me and for all of us. I want it for you, too.

Brett


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#35508 - 03/11/04 01:11 PM Re: At a loss
breakinfree Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 28
Loc: MA
We are all where you are a times bud. It can be so frustrating when no words come out when it feels there are thousands of things to say (confusing huh).. anyway, even without you saying a thing, please remember we ALL truely understand and care..

Chris

_________________________
"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches."

Alice Lee Longworth

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