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#296114 - 07/20/09 04:19 PM The Morning After (WoR) Blues
pal_ Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/07/04
Posts: 27
Am I alive or dead? I feel like I've been hit by a Mack Truck. I'm so glad I was able to go to Kempenfelt. I've met so many wonderful men, brothers in support... and I'm all too grateful for their patience and understanding ... their kindness, openess, and care.

The transistion back into 'my world' is going to be a challenge. But one thing I've learned from this weekend is that I need challenges in order to face and overcome the things that hold me back.

Wowser's (to quote, I think it was Inspector Gadget) ... I can't believe how very emotional I have become. Art, buddy (stop kicking me wink ), wherever you are - this is "how it feels to feel" grin LOL.

I didn't want to leave for home. I so much wanted to stay in that safe environment.

Today I stayed home from work. I did not want to face the struggles awaiting me there, not today.

To all of you who were with me this weekend, who bared your souls, who risked trusting, and made it possible for me to risk as well ... I truly, deeply thank you.

I can't type anymore, as im finding it hard to see the screen with these tears welling up in my eyes.

Thanks again to MS, and all the volunteers, and my new friends/brothers for such a wonderful weekend experience.

-peter-

_________________________
Silent company is often more healing than words of advice...

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#296119 - 07/20/09 04:33 PM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: pal_]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Hey, Peter.

I know how you feel (sorta). When I came home from Kirkridge last October, I was a basket case. Stayed home from work for three days till I could get my emotions somewhat in check. From what I've heard from others, this is typical.

I've come to realize that what I was feeling was hypervulnerability. The WoR is safe; the rest of the world seems so overwhelmingly dangerous, even when we're all grown up and years beyond our abuse.

Take extra good care of yourself for the next few days. If you can take a couple more days off, do it. You'll be in my thoughts.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#296123 - 07/20/09 04:43 PM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Peter,

It took me a couple of weeks to finally adjust to being back in the world after the squoia wor in march. I even found it hard to feel safe enought to share here at m/s for a week or so.
Take care of yourself.

mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#296129 - 07/20/09 05:24 PM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: pal_]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
(((peter)))

Glad you made it home safe and sound.

It sounds to me that you are very much alive! Neat eh?

Take care of yourself for the next few days. You're worth it!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#296176 - 07/20/09 11:39 PM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: Geeders]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
Peter,

So glad you attended a WoR....they can be truly life changing, as it has for me.

What you are going through is a widthdrawal as I call it. John (fissy tsickens) mentioned this is common and he is certainly correct. It will take time to 're-enter' the normal world. You are hyper-sensitive, vulnerable, curious, worried, etc. You laid out a lot in order to attend and participate.....it will take some time to soak in and time to adjust.

If you can, talk about your experience and what you're feeling now. You are still among your brothers here and you will never be alone again...if you will allow this.
Try to practice some of the techniques. Breathing, holding the stones that you brought home (if you did this with Jim), write in your journal, and most of all try to picture all those faces you saw on the last day of the WoR. Remember how they changed? It was a transformation, and now you have some more tools to help you along this path.

Allow yourself some time. Get in touch with a few that you connected with in your group if you can. Talk. It will go slow. Then maybe try to practice some of the coping techniques.

It will get easier ;-)

and it does get better....

Chris

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12
Oprah 200
PA Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12
"Silence Buster"

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#296303 - 07/21/09 09:08 PM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: pal_]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2449
Loc: TEXAS
Hi my brothers.

From one Peter to another, transtioning back after a WOR is one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

For this Peter, I found that lost boy at a WOR in Georgia last May. I also didn't want to leave all that compassion, understanding and love.

But in finding that lost boy, I also found confusion in trying to understand him. I promised him that 'I would lead him out from the darkness of hell into the sunshine, forever into eternity".

In less than 3 weeks I went from euphoria, back to the depths of hell. Now that I got little Pete, how do I understand him?

Yes, Pete. you are going to have one hell of a roller coaster ride with your emotions.

This Pete and little Pete are going to be heading west to Utah in September. And once again for a roller coaster ride with our emotions.

Heal well my brother, my family. my friend.

Little Pete & big Pete.






Edited by petercorbett (07/21/09 09:25 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#296352 - 07/22/09 07:26 AM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: petercorbett]
pal_ Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/07/04
Posts: 27
Thank you all for your kind words, understanding, and support. It really is a bumpy ride, and I'm really trying to use the tools we've learned from the weekend to smooth the transition at home. I know I'm not the only one who is or has gone through this. I'm finding it all too easy to think about just letting myself slide back into the mindless, unfeeling state that I was in before ... but I know that would not be a good thing.

One of the songs that popped up in the random play on my mp3 player on the drive home Sunday has been really speaking volumes to me.

'Healing'
___________________________________________
You've returned like some unsung hero
With nothing in your hands
How can a flower grow in the desert
How can a boy grow in a wasteland
There is - healing

A time will come when the pain will go
A time will come when love will flow
A time will come when your heart will know
Healing

Someone paints you a view of Heaven
Someone touches your hand
There can be life for your warrior spirit
There can be freedom in this wasteland
There is - healing

I watch you wait for the pain to go
I watch you wait for love to flow
I watch you wait for your heart to know
Healing
_____________________________________________


I have the hope that things will get better, that healing will come. It just seems that is such a long way off. I guess I've got a lot of work to do, to keep my focus.... and I'm grateful to all of you who are willing to stand beside, not only me, but all of the brave and courageuous men here. And I will try my best to do the same.

Thanks again,

-peter-



Edited by pal_ (07/23/09 11:50 AM)
_________________________
Silent company is often more healing than words of advice...

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#296799 - 07/25/09 06:02 PM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: pal_]
pal_ Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/07/04
Posts: 27
Update:

Each day is better. It's like water becoming clearer after a storm has stirred up the bottom.

I have a new-found support system in the men here. And I'm feeling more alive than I have in a very long time. I'm thankful for the WoR experience ... the amazing team of volunteers that run the program ... and the tools that were taught, I'm learning to use.

Thanks again to all.

-peter-

_________________________
Silent company is often more healing than words of advice...

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#297020 - 07/27/09 01:34 PM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: pal_]
DTHOMAS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/05
Posts: 9
Loc: Illinois
Peter,

I'll always be here for you. I still feel like I'm "walking on sunshine" from our Weekend Of Recovery. I've never met braver, stronger ... the most courageous men I've ever met in my life. The journey of healing is just beginning - maybe at the weekend you've scratched the surface of something that will take some time to learn & begin to heal. And trust me, hang on - because this journey is one hell of a ride!

If you every need to talk - I'm here 24/7! Until then -

Peace in Your Heart, Mind & Spirit,

dB

_________________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#354707 - 02/24/11 03:40 PM Re: The Morning After (WoR) Blues [Re: DTHOMAS ]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
It is good we all heal
WoR or elsewhere

Healing is a good thing

hugs

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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