Its funny you should say that. I have been killing myself trying to please him. The fact that the person he is "seeing" now is extremely passive and a user too says plenty.
I just realized tonight (after many tears) that I am trying to go backward in our relationship to what we used to have. It can't be done. There is only right now.
I have made such amazing personal growth since he had me thrown out of the house a year ago, there's no way I can go back. It never really occurred to me that he has not grown at all. It is becoming clear that he is stringing me along by trying to act like that person he used to be because he is overwhelmed with guilt (he has admitted the feelings of terrible guilt). Last week when I confronted him about his secret affair with my friend, he actually tried to pass the guilt onto me! He said, "You haven't been around". I lost it. I tried not to yell at him so he would stay on the line with me but it was difficult. How can you tell someone "I've moved on to someone else because you've not been around since I had you arrested and forced you to move out".
If ANYONE hasn't "been around", its him!! The only person I see is a meth-addict trying to get redemption.
Its going to take a whole heck of a lot more than a bunch of guilt-driven texts and phone calls and a few weeks of supposed sobriety to make up for the pain and anguish he has caused me, my family, and my friends. On a side note, I am constantly shocked when I run into friends and they all say they don't like him at all.
I know you guys understand how hard it is not to get confused and pulled back into the self blame. I'm trying my hardest and making a little more progress everyday.
Enough for now. By the way my first day at my new job was great!!
Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.