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#355407 - 03/03/11 06:53 AM Re: Ex-bf and flashbacks [Re: cbfull]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Hi Craig,

I've responded twice now and both posts disappeared, so this one I hope gets through.

I relate and have been in similar situations. The important thing is to learn when we make mistakes and move on to do better next time. You've already been doing better under your own steam and I hope that continues for you.

Have a good one today!

Gary



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#355642 - 03/05/11 02:31 PM Re: Ex-bf and flashbacks [Re: cbfull]
devon0 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/07/00
Posts: 45
Loc: TX, USA
No offense intended against your former but in my experience, drug users tend to only be nice when they want something from you. They use people because their real friend is "drugs" and they don't have the ability to care about other people anymore. Get the distance and keep it. You've been through enough already. You don't need another problem.

And glad you're getting some relief.

_________________________
A life worth living.

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#355860 - 03/08/11 12:18 AM Re: Ex-bf and flashbacks [Re: devon0]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Its funny you should say that. I have been killing myself trying to please him. The fact that the person he is "seeing" now is extremely passive and a user too says plenty.

I just realized tonight (after many tears) that I am trying to go backward in our relationship to what we used to have. It can't be done. There is only right now.

I have made such amazing personal growth since he had me thrown out of the house a year ago, there's no way I can go back. It never really occurred to me that he has not grown at all. It is becoming clear that he is stringing me along by trying to act like that person he used to be because he is overwhelmed with guilt (he has admitted the feelings of terrible guilt). Last week when I confronted him about his secret affair with my friend, he actually tried to pass the guilt onto me! He said, "You haven't been around". I lost it. I tried not to yell at him so he would stay on the line with me but it was difficult. How can you tell someone "I've moved on to someone else because you've not been around since I had you arrested and forced you to move out".

If ANYONE hasn't "been around", its him!! The only person I see is a meth-addict trying to get redemption.

Its going to take a whole heck of a lot more than a bunch of guilt-driven texts and phone calls and a few weeks of supposed sobriety to make up for the pain and anguish he has caused me, my family, and my friends. On a side note, I am constantly shocked when I run into friends and they all say they don't like him at all.

I know you guys understand how hard it is not to get confused and pulled back into the self blame. I'm trying my hardest and making a little more progress everyday.

Enough for now. By the way my first day at my new job was great!!

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#355913 - 03/08/11 12:49 PM Re: Ex-bf and flashbacks [Re: cbfull]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Craig I am glad u r doing better, and nice to read your last post

keep working on things and hugs

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#355989 - 03/09/11 02:19 AM Re: Ex-bf and flashbacks [Re: michael Joseph]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Me too!

Gary

_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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