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#345036 - 11/13/10 03:01 AM thoughts of sexually abusing others
1love4christ Offline


Registered: 12/18/08
Posts: 46
Loc: ca, usa
hi,

I have shared with my wife how I have thoughts of sexually abusing others. as a christian, I am really ashamed but through god's strength, I can handle the burden of these thoughts. However, I must say, thoughts are very complex. I believe I have thoughts because I am afraid of how people view me. For example, I am afraid that people view me as an abuser since I was abused. I also do not feel comfortable changing my daughter at times because I get so worried that wiping her butt is a violation due to how uncomfortable I would feel if my privates were touched. I find myself rebuking satan and what not to think about which also causes spiritual warfare. I am also aware that satan will try to put ideas in my mind and tries to use my past against me. I am relieved to talk about these things and would like to know if anyone relates and what they think? by the way, my wife was upset at first but after she saw me crying helplessly, she comforted me with love and said she trusts me. I have never known so much grace come from a sinner and it takes weight off my shouldsers to know i'm understood and not judged.

your thoughts...



Edited by 1love4christ (11/13/10 03:03 AM)
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#345043 - 11/13/10 05:01 AM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: 1love4christ]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
"For we have all sinned and came short of the glory of god" This verse assures us that we're all on a level playing field when it comes to sin. Sin is human nature, only through god's grace can we begin to walk in a different light, we are instructed to renew our minds, this is a pivotal point in our spiritual journey, we must also remember that if any man be in christ, he is a new creature, old things are passed away, behold all things become new, that verse gives us hope that we are above those negative thoughts, and with all things where jesus is concerned, it is our faith that makes us whole, we are saved by grace, but his gifts must be earned through study and profiting our own lives. We must take a proactive stance with our faith, allowing him to lead, and then we FOLLOW, an action on our part. I know the discomfort of worrying about other's viewing us less than justly, but we must remember, we are not to be judged, for we have one judge, know that he looks upon our heart, and it is his good pleasure to see one of his servants prospered. I pray this has helped you and im blessed to have found a brother in the lord. I'll be praying for your continued guidance. Thank you for being open and unafraid. Everything gets better from there.)

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#346171 - 11/24/10 04:30 PM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: Tyler845]
jea36 Offline


Registered: 11/24/10
Posts: 6
I also have thoughts like this. Thankfully, I have no children. The thought of having children frightens me. I am not a pedophile. I am very scared.

Dan


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#346318 - 11/26/10 09:21 PM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: jea36]
CheerfulJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/10
Posts: 141
Loc: England (at the moment)
I got married because I thought I had worked through most of my issues (non-csa). I loved my wife and step daughter but was nervous about the same things as you. Since then I think I had only dealt with the tip of the iceberg. Partly I think as believers of various kinds we are taught things like:we are a new creation in messiah, but the truth is every memory needs to be given over into His hands and seen from His perspective. So long as we remain open to this process I believe we will become more able to boldly parent. It is a joy to me to know that I will never become like the twisted perpetrator if I let the lover of my soul into the darkest places.

After initial fears, I never did have any confusion about my children, but did csa affect them? sadly yes, depression, anxieties, not seeing bad people and letting them hurt us, etc.
We still trust Him, even if much of what people taught us proved to be ideas distorted by fear.
May The Maker tell you who you are.
He is good.

Cj

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#346389 - 11/27/10 08:30 PM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: CheerfulJohn]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 838
Loc: Kc,Mo
the fact that you are talking about it admitting it and working on it will bring Christ Glory in the end . confessing instead of trying to hide the fact will ultimately set your free.

trust and believe by not acknowledging this and not confessing this the enemy would still have a stronghold over this area of your life . but when the light hits the dark it looses its power.

i have to say i am impressed . this is the main reason people fail in their recovery because the unwillingness to admit there is a problem.
you are well on your way!!!

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#347121 - 12/05/10 03:02 AM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: nltsaved]
1love4christ Offline


Registered: 12/18/08
Posts: 46
Loc: ca, usa
Thank you so much for your support. It is evident how the holy spirit is speaking wisdom through your comments. Thank God so much for his spirit and strength. It is still a tough road, but I know who my redeemer is in Jesus Christ. I pray that anyone can read this and be covered by God's love to not be afraid to speak up about their inner most thoughts. God loves us and like he told adam, "where are you?", God knew where he was at but asked adam to come to him. I believe God is still asking us, to come to him and be comforted by his love.

Thanks

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#347130 - 12/05/10 06:56 AM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: 1love4christ]
jesusfreesya Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 27
Being new here to MS, I haven't had the time yet to read extensively. But of all the threads I've read so far, in the various forums, this one is a beautiful example of postings that go beyond recovery to restoration. Although I have not been sexually abused, yet I've wondered many times why I don't recall much of my childhood, I, too, know what it is to suffer some severe forms of abuse/neglect. The pre>

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#353591 - 02/13/11 11:37 PM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: jesusfreesya]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
"But of all the threads I've read so far, in the various forums, this one is a beautiful example of postings that go beyond recovery to restoration"

I have to totally agree with this...(quote from jesusfreesya).

Beautuful...


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#353703 - 02/15/11 04:02 AM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: 1love4christ]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Nestor I am new to Male Survivors but I hope my experience will be a comfort to you. I know Jesus Christ lives and loves us he carried you through you darkest hour like he has carried me. When I found out that I was going to be a dad I was terrified. Not only had I been brutalized by the gang members when I was 13 but my father was very abusive to our family. With all these strikes against me how could the Lord possibly see fit to make me a father. I strengthen a three way partnership between my wife and God. I told my wife about the family abuse history and pleaded with her to be my guide and if it looked like I was about to lose control, to order me out of the house to cool off. I finally told her about the attack three weeks ago. She has only had to order me out twice. I am thankful that she had and it has helped me to be a good father. My daughter is now sixteen and no problems have occured. I know there is no way I could have made it without help. Please get God and you wife onboard to help you. Make a rule that you will defer discipline until you wife is present to make sure you maintain control. My wife felt at times that I let my daughter get away with too much but considering to alternative, I know I made the right choice Have faith in God Mike


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#354289 - 02/20/11 11:26 PM Re: thoughts of sexually abusing others [Re: 1love4christ]
Buddha-Dharma Offline


Registered: 02/20/11
Posts: 1
Loc: Maryland
My friend, it sounds like you are having the struggle of a lifetime. The battle that you are involved in has a double edged sword and you are going to need help from both sides to get on with any kind of productive life. The father/daughter relationship that you should have and probably want so bad, is at risk because of the inappropriate thoughts and feelings that you have. Your fear of possibly harming your daughter is immobilizing you from trusting yourself to be the father you need to be. Seek out a therapist that specializes in sexual abuse and trauma, but at the same time, seek counseling from a trusted spiritual advisor who can help you balance your life. Sounds easier said than done, but you have to take the first steps to get through this.

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