I think the main thing is so many that were supposed to care about me and even love me hurt me. It is hard to understand why family and friends would hurt me. I am also dealing with more recent abuse by friends whom I trusted and they still hurt me. It is hard but the grooming was so cleaver and cunning.
It is not like you say one day oh I am locked in this house, but then I have a roof over my head food and someone who Is treating me ok, but he is also keeping all the doors locked with a deadbolt and key and I have no Key. Or someone becomes my friend only to be sexual with me and using me the whole time.
Part of me feels like I should have known, but I did not know. Hindsight makes it seem like I should, but I would not want to be hurt and if I could I would have stopped it. I would have for sure. Sometimes I feel 5, or 10 or 12 but that is not often now.
Many places were not safe, my house, where I worked as a child, my cousinís houses, my Grand Parents. I do remember as a teen not feeling loved. I do feel loved now. Which is a plus.
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni*** The Round Table
, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat