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#35376 - 05/30/03 07:19 PM What is healing & Overcoming Of Male Sexual Victimization ?
mattandrew Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/26/01
Posts: 376
Loc: Florida
This subjected post may hit a lot of us right where we live but, it is directed primarily to those just starting the process of healing & Overcoming the sexual victimization we sustained.

Another poster made some of us already aware in the members forum about living our lives but,What really is healing & Overcoming of male sexual victimization?

For me what healing & overcoming my own abuse is to me is not allowing myself to continue to wallow in the old effects of the abuse however, that does not mean that i don't have other days where the effects from the SA does not pop its ugly head up and say hello and let me know it still remains even while in the process of healing.


Healing is a personal thing,what works for one person may not work for another person,each person has to define their own healing and how they achieve their own personal battle plan to achieve healing from the abuse we have sustained.

Healing is allowing ourselves to confront our perp thru whatever means necessary such as a letter defining how the abuse has effected the life we now lead if it still is effecting what you do daily and how it effects what you do when it rears it's head.Healing is not forgetting where we came from or what has happened to us but, it is allowing ourselves to "Get Better in body & Mind from the SA".

Overcoming is another manner of how we heal,overcoming is the method in which we chose to decide how we will battle the effects of the sa when it rears its head.This method can be a learned method thru therapy or thru writing such as poems or thru other means such as allowing ourselves every day to stop and smell the roses or if you don't like roses then stop to smell the sweet cigar being smoked.Overcoming is letting yourself learn a new way of living when anger or frustration comes into play,another way of overcoming is how and what we do with our own sexuality which can be different for others which, we as survivors all need to learn to respect those around us and need to learn to allow ourselves to drop the mask when we are comfortable enough in the steps of overcoming the sa and how much we have healed.

Therapy can and is another great way of healing and overcoming because it gives us another method not possible to us before we started the process of healing,this method is a great way to learn alternative methods from those who have studied the ways and methods to help others overcome the sa.

For those of you that read this i would ask of you to post how and what you personally do to heal and overcome so others can and will be helped thru reading and maybe deciding some of the manners that we use they can use themselves if they so choose.Now is the time to post about healing and learning from other brothers who are part of this forum and helping others see what we do and how we overcome because this is why we are here.

I personally will post more later about what i do to heal and overcome and what i did to confront my abuser and how my life now is after all these certain effects have been launched in my life.

Come one come all with how you heal and what you do to overcome your own abuse.

_________________________
M.A.N. ,
Boy who was trapped in society's nightmare & moving on thru healing & accountability.

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#35377 - 05/30/03 08:04 PM Re: What is healing & Overcoming Of Male Sexual Victimization ?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Matt,
the one thing I would pick out as the most important part of my healing would probably being "true to myself".

I think that the day I disclosed to my wife I had become sick and tired of lying to myself.

For so long I had told myself that what I was feeling, and doing, was all I could expect.
The shitty life I was living seemed to be the best I could do, and I lied to myself and accepted that.

That led me to figuring out that my abusers were actually liars as well. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Great post Matt, a lot to think about there, and I look forward to reading your ideas.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#35378 - 05/30/03 08:48 PM Re: What is healing & Overcoming Of Male Sexual Victimization ?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
What really is healing & Overcoming of male sexual victimization?
Matt you certainly have a way of getting us right to the core of things. I appreciate that, as I appreciate the great insights & ideas you share.

Quote:
Healing is not forgetting where we came from or what has happened to us but, it is allowing ourselves to "Get Better in body & Mind from the SA".
Right on! All those years of forgetting the SA, via dissociation, suppression & depersonalization,
is what on top of the SA itself got me so messed up for so long. We must "Know thy enemy" as well as "know thyself." Knowing the disease helps me to find the cures and work on the recovery. The vitality of the mind-body connection has been a significant discovery for me in this process.

Quote:
...we as survivors all need to learn to respect those around us and need to learn to allow ourselves to drop the mask when we are comfortable enough in the steps of overcoming the sa and how much we have healed.
Well said Matt, my friend, very well said.

Respecting, trusting, and loving ourselves, and others. The process of dropping the masks & being the real me.

Quote:
Come one come all with how you heal and what you do to overcome your own abuse.
I hope many men heed this call Matt. This thread already has incredible healing power. Thank you so much for starting it.

Quote:
the one thing I would pick out as the most important part of my healing would probably being "true to myself".
Yes indeed bro Dave. "To thine own self be true!"

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#35379 - 05/31/03 07:32 PM Re: What is healing & Overcoming Of Male Sexual Victimization ?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Matt:
A very thought provoking post.

Quote:
Come one come all with how you heal and what you do to overcome your own abuse.
To me healing is accepting what happened to me as a true fact that I cannot change. Because I cannot change it no matter how much I would like to it is impossible. It is equally impossible to change the fact that I was a male prostitute for 3 odd years, a heroin addict, an alcoholic and that periodically throughout my life I physically reenacted my abuse. All facts that cannot be changed. In other words my DRAGON. I posted elsewhere that I cannot slay him but must acknowledge him. That to me is the HEALING

What I can change is my beliefs and feelings around these facts. It was not my fault, I did not deserve it, I did not enjoy it, I should not be angry at myselves or those I love but direct that anger where it belongs. THAT TOO IS HEALING . Posting and reading and helping others in the pack is good for my soul because I know that I reach others and that they reach me. THAT TOO IS HEALING.


OVERCOMING is a bit deeper. To me it is making sure that the REST OF MY LIFE WILL NOT BE INFLUENCED BY THE DRAGON OR BY THE MISTAKEN BELIEFS I HAD ABOUT HIM.

As I have said before I will not let the past influence me because it is in the future that I will spend the rest of my life and I will do my damnest to drag the pack with me to the future by my canine teeth if I have to. Or I will nip at their heels. If I stumble I want a brother wolf there to lean on to overcoming the DRAGON for us all.

Sorry to be so talkative

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#35380 - 06/01/03 01:08 PM Re: What is healing & Overcoming Of Male Sexual Victimization ?
JK Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/13/03
Posts: 26
Loc: New York
Man Mike you always manage to say something thats strikes a nerve with me (in a good way ) . Your words really got into and thru the fog I've been in since I came out with the SA .

I think now I have an idea , this is for the first time !!

Thanks soo much

Jack


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