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#352923 - 02/06/11 07:08 AM Lullaby Hymn
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA

Lullaby Hymn

Sunday’s songs - stories
Of Him, the Exalted One
Protecting children

His hands cradling
Angel’s chorus proclaiming
A false lullaby

I know this poem and my thoughts may offend some but there are different points of view and personal experiences on the subject of God’s protection. I feel it is only fair, balanced and necessary to be free and safe enough to voice my struggles and understandings or lack of understandings whichever one choses to believe.

I was studying a painting yesterday of a small child being held in some very large hands extended down from heaven. By the style of work it was obviously painted for the eyes of a very young audience. The child was clearly being protected from the waves and rough seas just below. My mind wandered back in time remembering, with a somewhat stiff back, a conversation I was having here on MS about a year ago with another man concerning my anger with God. I was trying to explain that, to me, as I felt the penetration, it seemed as if I were abandoned by the “type” of God I believed in. (I hate to admit it but kind of along the lines of the child-like image in the painting) Up until that second of the actual rape I kept thinking, praying, someone, surely God, would put a stop to this. I was wrong.

In the course of this PMing conversation what this kind and thoughtful man said that sent shivers down my spine. “Jesus was lying right beside me being raped as well”.

I know that he meant well, trying in some foreign fashion to bring comfort to me with this image. Poor guy - pissing me off and prompting a pretty harsh poem response was all it accomplished. To me it was an attempt to change reality. I was “alone” completely abandoned that night. No one at that precise moment shared my agony or carried any of the burden applied during and afterwards. To attempt to somehow make it less awful feels dismissive and marginalizing. It is akin to saying “Get over it, it wasn’t that bad you survived”

I’m okay with the concept of a God who does not protect his children, blaming humanity in the process. (Free Will and Fallen Nature) Of course if a real father who had the pre knowledge and ultimate power yet chose to stand back and saying to his other children “This child of mine got himself into this mess so let him suffer the consequence”, I’m not so sure we’d be accepting or understanding of His logic. Where I become frustrated is that we don’t warn our children of the consequences of a hands-off God. We teach them stories and songs of a very different God who cradles them in his hands and protects them from evil. It’s simply a lie sung through sweet lullabies.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#352929 - 02/06/11 11:19 AM Re: Lullaby Hymn [Re: earlybird]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2453
Loc: TEXAS
Howdy, my Sequoia fraternal brother.

You always give me food for thought when ever you make a poetry/lullaby post.

I have my own issues on my love/hate of a God, whom i often question about being all loving, knowing & caring.

He sure in heck wasn't there for me. "This precious gift from God"
was certainly delivered to the wrong "parent(s)" as she was my first abuser. Not to mention that "friend of the family." whom came next. Where was this shepard? Wasn't i a part of his flock?

If God/supreme being or whatever you choose to call him. How could a God/Supreme being make such a mistake? Or maybe in his eyes we were expendable?

Oh yes a lullaby from my catholic upbringing. Now i lay me down to sleep.........

Heal well, my fraternal brother, Earl, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#352936 - 02/06/11 01:51 PM Re: Lullaby Hymn [Re: petercorbett]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Hi Pete,

I always love reading your BIG TEXAS HOWDY and calls for healing well. Bunking with you at WoR gave me a unique opportunity to get to know you. You’re a gift!

This is a confusing issue that, try as I might and the opposing position as well – no easy one fits all answer. Trite or pat answers fall flat.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#352945 - 02/06/11 04:20 PM Re: Lullaby Hymn [Re: earlybird]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
Whew, this was hard to write.

*** TRIGGERS AHEAD - SERIOUSLY, I MEAN REALLY ***

It goes further than a god not being there and not interceding.

Quote:
In a crucifix covered building,
Imagine a dusty cavernous corridor
Leading from a dormitory stairwell
Past the chapel and it's mewling retired demon
To another stairwell above the rapists retreat

The corridor is preternaturally dark
Beams of grey light swimming with dusty motes
Reveal aged narrow floorboards,
Made smooth and shiny by rivers of boy's feet
Smelling of dry age and desperation

There, a boy has fallen
Face first to the parched boards
Struggling, but unable to raise
His uniformed body, bare legged
Is pinned to the ground

Unseen, his monk's habit permission
Polished shoe outstretched,
Planted on the boys buttocks
Rocking back and forth, firmly
From pink velvet, rubies trickle

Gulping the young sweet wine of terror
Now bare, the foot rocks more urgently, insistently
Leaning forward with more weight, more need
The boy cannot see what holds him down
Bewildered confusion, rewards attempts to rise

Blackness engulfs him
As he realizes his uniform is gone
Before he sees the naked monk
Covering him, filling him completely
Exulting in turning blood-red, to milky pink.

The boy will often have that bewildered dream
Fallen, unable to rise, never knowing why,
Until the day that grey light touches him and he sees
A great wooden cross the size of a man
Speared through his flesh, holding him in silence and pain.

Religion and those who are religious have made gods the sword and shield of rapists and molesters. Some by their action, and others by their inaction. If gods exist, their religions have made them accessories both before and after the fact.

-efm


_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#352950 - 02/06/11 05:30 PM Re: Lullaby Hymn [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
EFM

Reading your words stripped the flesh from my heart laying it as bare as the boy, boot held to the floor with my own memories of the milky pink leaving a stain I will always carry. There is no healing offered powerful enough that is able to remove the stain of other's evilness and the histories they leave. But you, I and others are proof of the ability to heal.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top


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