Newest Members
GKB, MorganWut, myrlin, AaronS, BookHouseBoy
12465 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
isol8er (43), omrfople (38)
Who's Online
2 registered (Dewey, 1 invisible), 23 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12465 Members
74 Forums
63993 Topics
446673 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#349925 - 01/06/11 03:08 PM Re: Perp irks me [Re: Lost Spark]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 361
I have a lot of company!! smile


Top
#349944 - 01/06/11 05:32 PM Re: Perp irks me [Re: sugarbaby]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
Oh yes, if I ever come across my partner's perp I'll spit in his face. The guy was a teacher and has abused mor than one kid, several at the same time when my partner was his victim. He also used the kids to get access to new victims by convincing them to bring in friends for extracurricular activities.
Now how disgusting is that.

I would love to see that guy proscecuted.


Top
#351585 - 01/22/11 03:58 PM Re: Perp irks me [Re: Shawushka]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 361
I'm wondering what stops the victims from prosecuting - or attempting to legally hold the perp responsible.

I'd love to go after the guy even if I was sure it was a loosing case. I think for me ....I want to feel like he knows he has to answer for it....to someone. He could deny it of course and it could be a moot point but.....just to call him out on it would be of some satisfaction. To me.

My H on the other hand crumbled at the idea and I just dropped it long ago.

I don't understand the crumbling. Any thoughts guys?


Top
#351636 - 01/23/11 09:56 AM Re: Perp irks me [Re: sugarbaby]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 361
I had to think about this for a bit.

I know what it is.....I want the perp to know that my H told. Period.

After all the threats and abuse....he told you sadistic piece of sh*t.

A good bat upside the head might drive that message through. smile



Edited by sugarbaby (01/23/11 09:56 AM)

Top
#351637 - 01/23/11 09:58 AM Re: Perp irks me [Re: sugarbaby]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Sugarbaby:
The act of confronting a perpetrator needs to be done from an adult perspective with the resources that the adult now has (that he didn't have when the abuse took place.)

Unfortunately, a lot of survivors fall back to the victim's age and emotionality when talking about the abuse. On an intellectual level, they know they are adults with much more power than they had way back then. However, the emotional filter or point of view come into play for many survivors when contemplating some legal or confrontive action and they emotionally revert to the vulnerable child.

Confronting or suing a perpetrator can be a liberating growth experience but it has a potentially high cost of terror for many. To the outsider, it seems to make sense to take on the perpetrator now that the survivor is safe from more harm. However, for the survivor, the emotional wear and tear can be too much and result in avoidance or self-comforting/medicating behaviors.


Top
#351662 - 01/23/11 01:57 PM Re: Perp irks me [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 361
Thank you Ken!


Top
#351671 - 01/23/11 02:43 PM Re: Perp irks me [Re: Lost Spark]
iwanttocry Offline


Registered: 01/13/11
Posts: 23
My heart goes out to you Lost Spark. I don't know if I could handle seeing my H's perps (so sad that it has to be plural). I am not civil enough to bite my tongue. Find solice in the fact that you have more control and strength over your lives at this moment than what that perp did to your H. You are a much stronger person and that monster can never take that away from you. One day, with your love and support, your H can get to the place where he needs to be with the perp.


Top
#351672 - 01/23/11 02:47 PM Re: Perp irks me [Re: iwanttocry]
iwanttocry Offline


Registered: 01/13/11
Posts: 23
Ken, your insight is pure revalation. It has always been so upsetting for me that most perps don't get reported, even after the victim has escaped from the perp as adults. I never thought of it like how you explained it. It always tormented me that perps rely on the fact that victims don't tell, so that they can do it over and over and over again. I always thought that if it had happened to me, I would tell because I wouldn't want another child to be harmed. I guess it's easier said than done. My H has never reported his abusers either. I bothers me that they are probably still preying on victims today.


Top
#352277 - 01/29/11 06:46 AM Re: Perp irks me [Re: iwanttocry]
Nicole Offline


Registered: 08/06/09
Posts: 26
Loc: USA
.

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.