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#352148 - 01/27/11 06:57 PM Blame?
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
Would I still be wondering if it was my fault if I'd been hit by a bus and survived...would I still be stuck 35 to 40 years later.....Woud I blame myself.
This seems unique because of the self blame....as if I had some control....and in the fact that it breaks my fantasy about having people around me who loved me and took care of me.....If you can't tell someone about such pain....it's not love...but that was normal to me......


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#352167 - 01/28/11 12:22 AM Re: Blame? [Re: RecoveryReady1]
jggab Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 53
Loc: California
If you were hit by a bus, you might feel blame if you disregarded general safety. But the difference is you didn't have the ability to know the impact that "participation" would have. As children, we do not have the cognitive capacity to gauge what we want and what we are made to believe we want or what is "normal".

Viewing a photograph of myself at the age of my abuse helped me realize the my participation was part of the grooming process. I look at those photos now and think...how could a child of that age possibly consent? It's the manipulation and grooming process that makes us believe that we participated willingly. Without the grooming process, it is highly unlikely that any child would "concent" to what was done to us. We just wouldn't have the knowledge or life experience to know fully what we were doing.
I struggled with this a lot! I felt that I participated through most of my abuse. For me, that is what made me feel so deviant. I felt so wrong. But it wasn't until I was older that I felt the real I felt the impact of the "participation". When we finally learn about what is "normal" that is when we start to blame ourselves.
I always knew that what I was doing was "wrong". But at the time I didnt know why. At the time...I was getting attention....I was learning things that I thought was a privilege to learn. I now know that what I was "learning" was not something my abusers were "teaching me" but they were using me for their pleasure.


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#352195 - 01/28/11 12:24 PM Re: Blame? [Re: jggab]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
jggab- Thanks for your post ...makes me think...

You make clear the inability of the child to understand and make the choice. ....
I don't speak for others but I can see that I was already being groomed in a way by the lack of openess and trust in my environment...

The grooming...If I was in an environment where -WHAT IS NORMAL- was modelled and I had those needs for love and attention filled...I would not have been susceptible to the grooming process by the perp....
Anyway...thanks.....just tossing my thoughts down
steve


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