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#352057 - 01/26/11 06:12 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: Obi]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Obi
....during the timeframe of 8:00pm t0 8:30 pm central time i was in chat. ...


obi, far be it from me to say this --since i think chat is part of the new fake world men have created to avoid life-- but how does anyone know those people were really on?

maybe they'd stepped away or had actually logged off? or were chatting privately or had 18 different sessions going on across 18 different chat websites other than this one?

all the more reason i urge all men to find live, face2face, true, old fashioned support group. in a therapists office. yes it takes energy to drag that butt off the chair and drive to a weekly appointment, but in my humble view the old fashioned way worked 100% guaranteed. this fake stuff, in my view, is just twittle twee and fibble frock.

_________________________
Jeff

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#352070 - 01/26/11 07:34 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: westchesterguy]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
jeff,

in the first place, i do have a t...

second, the question was raised by another user in chat of what the topic was and if anyone wanted to share.

i shared.. no response. even from the person who raised the question to begin with.

and also a few others decided to bring up a topic and discuss it in the lounge of chat.

guys were there talking in chat....

i'll admit that perhaps not all of them were there, or in pm's or off on other sites...

but some were there talking....

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#352140 - 01/27/11 04:02 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: Obi]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Obi
jeff,
in the first place, i do have a t...


obi, "support group" which is in addition to a therapist.
8-10 men all of whom were sexually abused as boys.
captive audience. give and take sharing and healing. real time, real life, real touch, feel, see and hear.

online chat/board stuff will never replace that face2face group experience.

_________________________
Jeff

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#352198 - 01/28/11 12:36 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: westchesterguy]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2574
I hear you Obi. I've lived that and am done with it as well. It is one of the reasons I have not gone into chat in a long long time. Even long before I was away (probably away for almost a year, give or take) I avoided chat.

Some are welcomed and some are just ignored. Frustrating I understand that and it's hurtful. While most likely unintentional, the voices in our heads whisper, "you don't measure up", "you're not good enough...". I get it, I really do.

I like Jeff's idea of a support group, but, like MANY, my area has nothing. Maybe it's the same for you Obi. It's rough, I know. I was lucky to find a local therapist that had a clue about CSA as it related to men.

Anyway, I just want to encourage you to not leave. Maybe change your approach. I just abandoned chat altogether, and stuck to the forums. I can't even say I went to PM's, because like chat, that's pretty much an empty area for me as well, I'd PM here and there and maybe get a reply or two, but after that... nothing.


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#352199 - 01/28/11 12:50 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: JustScott]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
Hey All,
I am amazed at the outpouring of support I see on this thread for Obi.....not too surprised given what I have seen here in the past month....but it is overwhelming to me to see how people respond with such caring and support.
All the best
And Happy B Day Obi
steve


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#352205 - 01/28/11 02:20 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: RecoveryReady1]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 666
Todd,

I don't know if this common...but I don't engage you often because I am....intimidated. I struggle with feeling inferior to people F2F. When you've replied to my posts in the past, I've thought "he was very perceptive/objective", and well.....I'm not ususally. If I'm hurting, it takes a lot of work for me to push my anger/sadness/confusion aside to be more objective.

However....I've never seen you go BOLD, saying HELP!!!!

I can connect with that.

I see you feeling rejected and rejectable. I can relate. It's just hard for me to connect with people who don't "wear it on their sleeves" sometimes. I remember in summer, when you shared the shame and fear you felt about wanting a relationship with your abuser. I heard "HELP" in that post. I haven't followed you a lot lately, but here.......you need us. Todd has needs. I'm sure you may have been scared posting this originally (and anger/hurt can mask it), but.............this I can connect with. Confused too? I can connect with that.

Don't go. I'd like to offer something if I can. But...part of me sees you doing what you've needed to do: ask for HELP. From where I stand, that's cool. You're not rejectable. You're........just like all of us here. Thanks for speaking up.

Alfred

PS: I almost left, but.... I gotta ask: what else is on your mind? smile Later.



Edited by fhorns (01/28/11 02:30 PM)

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