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#351986 - 01/26/11 10:07 AM Re: i'm done. [Re: Obi]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Todd,

My father in law, who has passed away many years ago sadly, always said "if you're looking for gratitude don't look to your kids". Now they had a beautiful family and that was a joke line getting laughs from all in the room. Of course my wife and her sisters would go do a little girlie torture with kisses and hugs, "oh we're grateful dad" and so on. However, his point was that children don't know enough to be grateful or show it. His point wasn't that one should do the things he and my mother in law did for their family, just that don't expect big thank yous for it.

I would say you let a situation here trigger you to those years in which you "hardly ever got support growing up". Perhaps you even encouraged the trigger by putting something out there...(granted I don't know how the scene played out)...and then sort of left it to see if someone would pick it up and then triggered to the emotional state of feeling unsupported as a child. If you wanted to have a do, or rather if I wanted to have a do, I'd be all "hey, come on what are you doing Friday night, come on, aw blow that off, I wanna have a party"...you know, a little pushy...but since you know me, that should come as no surprise lol...you simply can't expect a mixed group of csa survivors looking for some kind of lifeline in a chat room for themselves to always "get" what YOU need. That you often what others need is a statement about your sensitivity...that they don't always get it isn't a statement on your worth, but more where they are at that moment. You're hearing abuse messages from their silence...their silence is their abuse messages..."well he wouldn't want ME around anyway, why would someone want me around for their birthday".

Just a few thoughts from an old friend...and sorry, but I AM busy Friday night bud...I'll mentally dedicate one of our tunes to you though as we play it Todd! Coincidentally we're playing a piece with the subtitle "Heroic"...how's that?

all the best,

Kevin

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#351988 - 01/26/11 10:12 AM Re: i'm done. [Re: sono]
teebone21 Offline


Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 187
Loc: Zaandam
YA what he said.
and STAY!


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#351993 - 01/26/11 11:01 AM Re: i'm done. [Re: teebone21]
static_00 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/11
Posts: 62
Loc: Michigan
Hey Todd,

I was in the room last night and was not really up to talking, just wanted to be surrounded by everyone there. I saw your message and wrongly assumed that there were already people that contacted you about having a get together online Friday night. I was actually quite happy at the time that you would get a positive experience for your Birthday. I did not know it was a request for support or you wanted people to join in the discussion (thought it was an announcement).

I'm still very new to this and want to be there to support and receive support from you my brother(s).

I'll be online Friday night for you Todd. Let me know what time.

Hope to see you Friday,
Eric

_________________________
WoR Alumni
Hope Springs 2011

I've learned that the shame we carry is our overwhelming burden. Amazingly, it does not weigh down others if we open up and share with them. Realizing that the shame is not ours to own makes all the difference in the world.

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#352000 - 01/26/11 11:25 AM Re: i'm done. [Re: static_00]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
OBI

I saw ur lines and i say to who i was talking pm theres a party for Obi on friday i gotta be there
And i was about to type some silly lines and smilyes faces in the chat room but then i remembered when I say Hey Obi wan and make my smiley faces and all u just reply hey G and dont talk to me anymore so... i was thinking that maybe im not one of ur buds here, that maybe ur buds have all set up, or maybe u just dont like me cos im pretty silly, so i said to myself im gonna be there on friday nite and sing las maņanitas to Obi
So...
Im gona be there friday to have Obi`s party






Edited by mrwhiskers (01/26/11 11:27 AM)
Edit Reason: spelling
_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#352013 - 01/26/11 12:17 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: mrwhiskers]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1338
Loc: kansas
kevin,

thanks for the dedication... i don't see myself as a hero... but i appreciate it nonetheless.

and your right... i shouldn't be selfish....

j and eric,

sorry, i'm just an ol' fool.... i shouldn't have laid any of that blame on you guys or anyone else...

tee,

thanks.... *sighs*..... i guess i'll stay... i'm just really hurting... this is a very very difficult and painful time of year for me.... i really need the support now...


g,

i like you. i don't have an issue with you. when i come into chat and people say hey to me.. i respond by saying their name back. that is my way to say hey back, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, it's a sign of respect that i give....



i don't know when the party is or if it'll even take place... i don't think i was even supposed to know about it, more like surprise... but it's my understanding that there are two people involved in the planning and one of them told me because he wanted to make me feel better... even though he won't tell me his accomplice....

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#352021 - 01/26/11 12:35 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: Obi]
Max10 Offline


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 69
Loc: Oregon
Don't let chat ruin your experience here. I found it equally as frustrating and stay away from it now. There's plenty of support here in the forums. I hope you won't give up on us.

_________________________
Have a wonderful day.....no matter what!

~Max10~
~ I am not a victim...I am a survivor! ~

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#352030 - 01/26/11 01:49 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: Max10]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1338
Loc: kansas
ok....

i'm receiving conflicting messages.....

first i'm told to be selfish. put myself first... take care of my needs... ok, this is hard for me to do because i have a pet peeve about being selfish... i don't like being selfish... BUT, i've been learning to be a little more selfish...

next i'm being told that i should just do and don't expect anything in return... ummmm... ok.... so, i should just help and not be selfish and want/expect help back?

i thought ms was a place of support. a place where we survivors can receive help and support for others....

well.... here it is....

i'm GOING to be selfish for a little bit...

it's about balance folks... i'm constantly giving.. very rarely taking anything back....

BALANCE.... i need support too and i'm putting my pain and hurt and struggles out there looking for support because i need it too...

so, to that i say, for those who wish to validate my feelings, my thoughts and want to support/help me by just talking to me i would GREATLY APPRECIATE IT!!!

we all need support and validation... balance... WE ALL NEED IT.. not just some of us... ALL OF US!!!

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#352033 - 01/26/11 02:28 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: Obi]
Sacred_Sage Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 141
Hey Todd,

If I had been in chat that night, I would have responded. I usually do when someone says they need help.

Yeah, you do need balance. I need balance. Everyone needs balance.

Some people are bogged down by their problems that they can't give you the support you need. So they might seem like they just take and take and take. It's about healing and getting to the point where they can finally give something of themselves to you and others.

I had a rough time being selfish myself too, but I came to realize that I needed to do so. Everyone's got needs.

People on here care about you... this should be evident with all the feedback you're getting.

If you want, I'll be on Friday night if you give me a time, and I'll join in celebrating your birthday. Heck, you want talk about something in between then and now, I'll PM you and go from there.

You do so much for this place, and I want to give you that support you need.

Cameron

_________________________
http://youtu.be/HL297ZTYVRM <---- In case you ever wondered what I sound like.

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#352034 - 01/26/11 02:37 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: Sacred_Sage]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1338
Loc: kansas
thanks cameron.....



i really don't know when the party is... i was told that, if it happens, it will be sometime friday evening...

i guess a special room is going to be set up in chat for those who want to join the party..

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#352054 - 01/26/11 05:50 PM Re: i'm done. [Re: Obi]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Obi,

I know what you mean. It hurts to be ignored. Very Badly.

Glad your staying.

Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

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